OP here. Thank you to those who replied. I read everything.

My son is not being bullied or stigmatized. The other child has no vendetta. This is a much less heated situation that it may appear. The responses that really resonated me were those suggesting I don't say anything, and I am going to go with that for now. Ultimately I think its most important that the girl my child made the offensive/racist comment to not be put on the defense. Its not become a stigmatizing/overly burdensome situation for my kindergartener, and I really agree with the one poster that I can't try to optimize this for a perfect outcome. My child caused the other child a good deal of pain, and I am going to just let it play out unless something escalates, which I don't see happening.

Anonymous wrote:This is a truly hilarious and deeply worrying microcosm of gender dynamics in the U.S.

Oh yes we all agree the boys behavior was unacceptable but if the girl keeps telling the truth about his behavior it might ruin his (kindergarten) career!

She isn’t telling the truth about his behavior. She is labeling him. An 8/9 year old labeling a freaking 5 year old is insane. She doesn’t have to accept being called a bad word and she did the appropriate thing by telling trusted adults. But now these adults need to do the right thing by helping her contextualize the difference in being called this word by a young child vs a peer or adult, and how to handle it without turning into a bully of a kinder kid.

My 4th grader (not white) learned the n-word from another student (white) and asked me about it. They asked me about it and I explained the gravity of the word and that we never use it. Did I call their classmate a racist or email the school and parents? No, because that it lunacy. They are 9 year olds. Stop projecting your neuroticisms onto unwitting children.

Anonymous wrote:Why should the third grader have to keep son’s behaviors secret? Why does she get a job because your son did something wrong? Do you see how ridiculous that is?

No one said she has to keep it a secret but it sounds like she is going around actively calling a kindergartner racist.

Also to a PP who said this is OP’s fault for not talking to her son before K, how do you know that she didn’t? I talked to my K kid about racism back during the pandemic when the BLM movement was big. He could parrot some things back to me, but didn’t really get the concept of racism until closer to 2nd-3rd grade when we could have deeper talks about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

Congratulations on building a culture where white people are pressured to avoid interacting with POC. I'll see you in 30 years complaining about that glass ceiling and why POC can't seem to get good jobs and opportunities.

You should look at the data at what percentage of the population white people will represent in the US in 30 years.

Hint: it’s well < 50%. I don’t think it will be the POC that will be impacted by white people’s inability to get along with other cultures and races.

I dOnT sEe CoLoR

All races unintentionally or intentionally insult each other, but only white people suffer from white guilt and are manipulable that way.

On the other hand, our continued bashing, bullying, and mistreatment of white boys (apparently even kindergartners) will undoubtedly result in some of them growing a thick skin and learning how to just keep their heads down and do what needs to get done, while everyone else dwells on and whines about their own perceived victimhood. Then we’ll all sit around and complain about how unfair it is that white men STILL run the country 30 years from now.

(Basically, the silver lining for the white boys is that they and they alone are learning resilience. Everyone else is being coddled.)

White boys already see that they are punching bags, unfairly.

We are teaching our children all sorts of wrong things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

Congratulations on building a culture where white people are pressured to avoid interacting with POC. I'll see you in 30 years complaining about that glass ceiling and why POC can't seem to get good jobs and opportunities.

You should look at the data at what percentage of the population white people will represent in the US in 30 years.

Hint: it’s well < 50%. I don’t think it will be the POC that will be impacted by white people’s inability to get along with other cultures and races.

I dOnT sEe CoLoR

All races unintentionally or intentionally insult each other, but only white people suffer from white guilt and are manipulable that way.

On the other hand, our continued bashing, bullying, and mistreatment of white boys (apparently even kindergartners) will undoubtedly result in some of them growing a thick skin and learning how to just keep their heads down and do what needs to get done, while everyone else dwells on and whines about their own perceived victimhood. Then we’ll all sit around and complain about how unfair it is that white men STILL run the country 30 years from now.

(Basically, the silver lining for the white boys is that they and they alone are learning resilience. Everyone else is being coddled.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a truly hilarious and deeply worrying microcosm of gender dynamics in the U.S.

Oh yes we all agree the boys behavior was unacceptable but if the girl keeps telling the truth about his behavior it might ruin his (kindergarten) career!

This has nothing to do with gender, it could have been two girls. The 3rd grader on a personal vendetta to expose a racist kindergartner is ridiculous.

A five year old can’t be a racist but an eight year old can have a vendetta?

Amazing.

Yeah human development is pretty amazing. A 2 year old who pulls my 5 year old’s hair is not labeled an aggressor. It’s not pleasant, but we understand they are learning impulse control.

On the other hand, research shows children as young as two adapting racist beliefs from their caretakers.

Citations, please.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actions have consequences?

This is why your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that we don’t say things about how people look, because those things can hurt feelings. Your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that race in particular has a hard, sad history and saying things about someone’s skin color can be more hurtful than they understand.

But since you didn’t do that, your kid is learning that sometimes actions have unintended consequences. I agree they’re learning it in a harsh way but for that I’m afraid you only have yourself to blame.

Holy cow, you can’t be serious. Enjoy the consequences of this insane line of “thinking” which will almost undoubtedly be four more years of Trump.

Seriously, SO SICK of people like you.

Which part triggered you? Actions having consequences or teaching your kids not to say mean things about the color of peoples skin because there’s a long sad history there?

Because I have to tell you these are things my Republican parents had no problem teaching me in the eighties.

The part where the kid is five years old, you moron.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

Congratulations on building a culture where white people are pressured to avoid interacting with POC. I'll see you in 30 years complaining about that glass ceiling and why POC can't seem to get good jobs and opportunities.

You should look at the data at what percentage of the population white people will represent in the US in 30 years.

Hint: it’s well < 50%. I don’t think it will be the POC that will be impacted by white people’s inability to get along with other cultures and races.

I dOnT sEe CoLoR

All races unintentionally or intentionally insult each other, but only white people suffer from white guilt and are manipulable that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

Congratulations on building a culture where white people are pressured to avoid interacting with POC. I'll see you in 30 years complaining about that glass ceiling and why POC can't seem to get good jobs and opportunities.

You should look at the data at what percentage of the population white people will represent in the US in 30 years.

Hint: it’s well < 50%. I don’t think it will be the POC that will be impacted by white people’s inability to get along with other cultures and races.

I dOnT sEe CoLoR

They're a small problem with your future. It's the same problem we have today. Hint: look at academic achievement, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actions have consequences?

This is why your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that we don’t say things about how people look, because those things can hurt feelings. Your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that race in particular has a hard, sad history and saying things about someone’s skin color can be more hurtful than they understand.

But since you didn’t do that, your kid is learning that sometimes actions have unintended consequences. I agree they’re learning it in a harsh way but for that I’m afraid you only have yourself to blame.

Holy cow, you can’t be serious. Enjoy the consequences of this insane line of “thinking” which will almost undoubtedly be four more years of Trump.

Seriously, SO SICK of people like you.

Which part triggered you? Actions having consequences or teaching your kids not to say mean things about the color of peoples skin because there’s a long sad history there?

Because I have to tell you these are things my Republican parents had no problem teaching me in the eighties.

Bragging about bullying kindergarteners isn't the flex you think it is.

Girl speaks honestly= bullying

Live from team MAGA

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

Congratulations on building a culture where white people are pressured to avoid interacting with POC. I'll see you in 30 years complaining about that glass ceiling and why POC can't seem to get good jobs and opportunities.

You should look at the data at what percentage of the population white people will represent in the US in 30 years.

Hint: it’s well < 50%. I don’t think it will be the POC that will be impacted by white people’s inability to get along with other cultures and races.

I dOnT sEe CoLoR

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

Congratulations on building a culture where white people are pressured to avoid interacting with POC. I'll see you in 30 years complaining about that glass ceiling and why POC can't seem to get good jobs and opportunities.

Why do you think you struggle to interact with POC without calling them inappropriate names? Do you think you should explore this in therapy?

And what’s interesting is when women started telling the truth about sexual abuse in the workplace, they were told that now men would be afraid to ever mentor women and THEN wouldn’t we be sorry.

Yes, we have lived through this with older kids. My daughter said the offensive thing but hadn't meant it that way. She apologized sincerely, but it spread that this had transpired, and an adult was to blame for that. (the girl and her parents accepted the apology.) The stink hangs over you for a long time when a kid makes a mistake like this. They'll learn a lesson, but the world is unforgiving, and that's too bad.