I ask myself this question. On the surface of it I never thought I was too picky. I don't care about height or income that much.

That said, when I do think of the things I want in a date (let alone a partner, that has to come with time), it does seem to narrow things down too much for the pool of men out there:

- Gainfully employed and financially stable
- Independent adult
- Takes care of himself... weight and body type matter less than just being healthy and caring for yourself
- Not overly religious
- Not a MAGA
- Height doesn't matter but preferably taller than me (5'5)
- Some physical attraction in some way
- Wants a long-term relationship
- Wants to settle down, can make up his mind
- Not socially awkward/overly introverted/basement dweller/complete weirdo

It's extremely difficult to find a single man who satisfies all of those especially the last one

I also always thought I brought enough to the table, I'm conventionally attractive, thin, fun, social, financially secure. BUT, I think I have enough things that turn off men, which are: sexual anxiety, general anxiety where I see a therapist, not the greatest housekeeper/too scatterbrained, my cooking is too spicy, too inflexible about some things, too high-strung. Yeah there's no way somebody with all my flaws is going to find someone who checks all the above boxes. At least I have a dog.

Anonymous wrote:man, there are some dudes on this thread who are having problems with dating.

But there seems to be even more women having that same problem

man, there are some dudes on this thread who are having problems with dating.

Unlike some of the wasp or regional Methodist, Presbyterian, or episcopal couples

And Catholics. Though many of them go to grad school and both spouses work.

FYI American young adults in the Jewish community, south and Midwest have no issues getting married in their 20s.
They know what they’re want and don’t need more belt or more resume notches before committing. They also have stronger and close communities- family, neighborhood, alumni, temple/church- with more supports and role models.

Anonymous wrote:It seems people find good options but are told to have several relationships and not commit before 35, which often means missing their best opportunities. It eliminates high school, college and grad school relationships. Not many go to church or stay in same town where they grow up so eliminates people you know well. Its a huge no to let parents set them up or marrying even distant cousins so that eliminates many options. Its frowned upon to get involved with co-workers so that eliminates others. Only options seems to be people at random dating apps, bars or parties, most of which turns out duds.

True.

My spouse had it drilled into his head by friends not to get married until age 30 after terminal degrees and feeling “settled” at the office. Thats such BS

It’s basically like musical chairs so whomever they’re dating at native age 30, they marry. One lady dated his friend from age 18+, only to finally get married at age 30. She just hung around and hung around. Hope they’re happy.

It’s like men and women think they can’t accomplish anything married or with that support. So they wait and wait and rationalize what they think they must do before.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to simplify it to this degree but I think it’s the quality of men. Women are outpacing men in education and careers.

There’s too many men who are permanent children and even if they get an education and work, they still expect women to take care of them (whether it’s mom or their wife).

Women would rather be alone than settle for these low quality options.

So only quality of men has declined, women's quality didn't deteriorate equally?

No that’s the point: women are more adaptable socially . There are plenty of books like “Why boys fail” etc explaining this

Lol. Women have not "adapted". They have become more entitled

Disagree. Women have adapted. Society now says we do not have to marry the first man who proposes. We don't have to start having babies as soon as possible. We can go to university because we are intelligent and interested in things. We can have careers without the automatic assumption that we will stop working when we marry and have babies. A man has to offer more than simply the ability to pay the bills, and since that has been the main thing men have been valued for, many of them have focused on just that and don't have more to offer. They don't focus on developing their personalities or social skills or interests. They are boring.

Funny, it's this very "I'm worth more than ... pick any subject" that has made my age group walk away time and time again. I am no engaged, but she is level headed and doesn't have that "feminist" stick up her a ... that you clearly do. The only person hung up on your perceived expectations is you and women who think like you, I don't know one single man who expects these things of the women in their life, not one. I do hope that you enjoy your own company, it's all you'll ever had with your attitude about men.

Right. Eventually they all convince themselves that they don't need a man after they realize they aren't getting one

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to simplify it to this degree but I think it’s the quality of men. Women are outpacing men in education and careers.

There’s too many men who are permanent children and even if they get an education and work, they still expect women to take care of them (whether it’s mom or their wife).

Women would rather be alone than settle for these low quality options.

So only quality of men has declined, women's quality didn't deteriorate equally?

No that’s the point: women are more adaptable socially . There are plenty of books like “Why boys fail” etc explaining this

Lol. Women have not "adapted". They have become more entitled

Disagree. Women have adapted. Society now says we do not have to marry the first man who proposes. We don't have to start having babies as soon as possible. We can go to university because we are intelligent and interested in things. We can have careers without the automatic assumption that we will stop working when we marry and have babies. A man has to offer more than simply the ability to pay the bills, and since that has been the main thing men have been valued for, many of them have focused on just that and don't have more to offer. They don't focus on developing their personalities or social skills or interests. They are boring.

Lol. Like I said, women have become even more entitled

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to simplify it to this degree but I think it’s the quality of men. Women are outpacing men in education and careers.

There’s too many men who are permanent children and even if they get an education and work, they still expect women to take care of them (whether it’s mom or their wife).

Women would rather be alone than settle for these low quality options.

Women don’t understand that their education and career doesn’t mean squat if there’s no one desiring them, and later wanting kids with them, and later taking care of them once they are old.
So they think they can trick nature and be “independent”.
I am a woman fwiw

Lot of men desire women for their income, education and career.

Not good men. The leaches do. I think this forums proves that

no s/b now

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to simplify it to this degree but I think it’s the quality of men. Women are outpacing men in education and careers.

There’s too many men who are permanent children and even if they get an education and work, they still expect women to take care of them (whether it’s mom or their wife).

Women would rather be alone than settle for these low quality options.

So only quality of men has declined, women's quality didn't deteriorate equally?

No that’s the point: women are more adaptable socially . There are plenty of books like “Why boys fail” etc explaining this

Lol. Women have not "adapted". They have become more entitled

Disagree. Women have adapted. Society now says we do not have to marry the first man who proposes. We don't have to start having babies as soon as possible. We can go to university because we are intelligent and interested in things. We can have careers without the automatic assumption that we will stop working when we marry and have babies. A man has to offer more than simply the ability to pay the bills, and since that has been the main thing men have been valued for, many of them have focused on just that and don't have more to offer. They don't focus on developing their personalities or social skills or interests. They are boring.

Funny, it's this very "I'm worth more than ... pick any subject" that has made my age group walk away time and time again. I am no engaged, but she is level headed and doesn't have that "feminist" stick up her a ... that you clearly do. The only person hung up on your perceived expectations is you and women who think like you, I don't know one single man who expects these things of the women in their life, not one. I do hope that you enjoy your own company, it's all you'll ever had with your attitude about men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think guys have internalized the truism that their options keep expanding up until about age 30 or even older, so they avoid committing to college sweethearts, but in the end they seem to pair off with similarly aged women who are still available, so in retrospect they should have put a ring on it earlier on.

Even truer for women

God no! If my DS or DD had married the people they dated in their early twenties it would have been a disaster. They are such different people in their late twenties and thirties and made/make much better choices now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to simplify it to this degree but I think it’s the quality of men. Women are outpacing men in education and careers.

There’s too many men who are permanent children and even if they get an education and work, they still expect women to take care of them (whether it’s mom or their wife).

Women would rather be alone than settle for these low quality options.

So only quality of men has declined, women's quality didn't deteriorate equally?

No that’s the point: women are more adaptable socially . There are plenty of books like “Why boys fail” etc explaining this

Lol. Women have not "adapted". They have become more entitled

Disagree. Women have adapted. Society now says we do not have to marry the first man who proposes. We don't have to start having babies as soon as possible. We can go to university because we are intelligent and interested in things. We can have careers without the automatic assumption that we will stop working when we marry and have babies. A man has to offer more than simply the ability to pay the bills, and since that has been the main thing men have been valued for, many of them have focused on just that and don't have more to offer. They don't focus on developing their personalities or social skills or interests. They are boring.

I think online dating is a big waste of time, and people are generally less social and on devices more.