Anonymous wrote:All of you married people who have never had to do OLD - stop adding your opinions. In general men who ask you on walking or coffee dates are dating so many women at a time that you’re just another number. They’re literally treating these dates like a job interview and it’s a huge turn off. No woman with options would agree to this

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Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I met via online dating and we are deeply in love. However, we have an ongoing debate about walking dates as a first date and I would like to hear some opinions.

She believes it is a sign of disrespect and that the man who invites her on a walking date just doesn't want to spend any money.

I on the other hand believe it is just fine as a first date, as you get to know someone in a casual way.

What was your first date with her, OP? Is this a conflict about her thinking you were disrespectful, or is she observing something in general, such that this is really a very stupid thing to debate about?

We went for coffee which we both enjoyed. If you have not got anything better to do than post nasty comments,then do t even bother posting.

If you had a nice first date with her that met both of your needs, why are you discussing other men's "disrespectful" first date strategies? If she thinks those dates were disrespectful, fine. I wouldn't. You clearly don't. But she is her own person with her own needs. It sounds like her main complaint is that she found a lot of the men she met online did not want to put any effort into getting to know her or going on real dates. She does not seem to have that complaint with you. Problem solved.

The problem is not solved, because she still feels bitter about it and is sometimes even angry about it

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Anonymous wrote:I’m married, but I always liked a happy hour first date. I would try to get there a little early and get my own glass of wine, that way I could dip out easily after one drink if I wasn’t feeling it, and if we did hit it off we could segue into dinner.

A walk date seems awkward because there’s not a natural end point.

What, pray tell, is the 'natural end point' of a date at a bar?

I’m talking about a weeknight happy hour - after work & before dinner. Neither party expects to hang out for hours (but the option is right there to get a table and have dinner if you really hit it off and want to keep the date going after you finish your drink).

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Anonymous wrote:Pay peanuts, get monkeys.

This. Dating is an investment of time and resources. You're telling stories about yourself with your choices and actions, not just your words. You don't need to go overboard (that's just the opposite side of this problem), but you shouldn't skimp, either.

You and the PP, clearly, don't consider time a 'resource'. You, just as clearly, consider money the superior resource - an 'ante' a man has to pony up in order to play your dating game. How old fashioned and patriarchal. It's a new millennium.

I'm 58 and much prefer a walking first date. My time is far more valuable than a cup of coffee or lunch. There's less pressure, I like movement, I like seeing things and it's a great opportunity to see if there's potential between us. If it goes well, we can get coffee afterwards.

As a woman I don’t have time or desire to walk with some random guy. If he’s so cheap that he needs a one hour walk to see if it’s worth spending a $3 on tea of coffee, no point even to meet. All my first dates are video check ins, or coffee intro at a favorite bakery

But I am puzzled why OPs GF has such a bitter attitude about other men. When someone offers a walking date you just say no - problem solved. I was never offered one, in fact, men go overboard picking expensive restaurants or venues as first date after we had a video call.

That’s weird and she needs a therapist.

OP is a troll

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Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend also says that they only wanted to go for a walk and as soon as she suggested to go for Coffee they blocked her and on the date when she asked to go to a bar, they refused. This experience made her very bitter, and I feel for her. But I believe it might be a bit overblown.

She best adjust herself. I’m a woman and can understand that a man may not want to be paying for 50 first dates. What’s wrong w a walk and talk for a first meeting. Especially during spring on the dmv?

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Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I have a single BIL who often vents about OLD. He makes very good money (over 1m) and he will say some women try to only pick expensive places. I asked why he is being so cheap. He said he had no problem taking a girl out that he is actually dating but that is not where he wants to go on a first date with someone he has never actually met. He prefers coffee so it can be very quick. If first meeting goes well, he will take her out on a real date.

My friend said her brother did the same thing. He would pick casual cheap places even though he is rich to weed out gold digger types.

Your BIL and your friend's brother are both incels. This is where this whole walking date/coffee date stuff originates from. Unfortunately, many women don't realize this and cosign it thinking they are being feminist.

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Anonymous wrote:You both sound exhausting and the fact that neither of you can't let this simple crap go does not bode well for your future.

What might be simple for some of you might not be simple for others. My gf is very upset over it and would benefit from alternative perspectives

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Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I have a single BIL who often vents about OLD. He makes very good money (over 1m) and he will say some women try to only pick expensive places. I asked why he is being so cheap. He said he had no problem taking a girl out that he is actually dating but that is not where he wants to go on a first date with someone he has never actually met. He prefers coffee so it can be very quick. If first meeting goes well, he will take her out on a real date.

My friend said her brother did the same thing. He would pick casual cheap places even though he is rich to weed out gold digger types.

Your BIL and your friend's brother are both incels. This is where this whole walking date/coffee date stuff originates from. Unfortunately, many women don't realize this and cosign it thinking they are being feminist.

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Anonymous wrote:Pay peanuts, get monkeys.

This. Dating is an investment of time and resources. You're telling stories about yourself with your choices and actions, not just your words. You don't need to go overboard (that's just the opposite side of this problem), but you shouldn't skimp, either.

You and the PP, clearly, don't consider time a 'resource'. You, just as clearly, consider money the superior resource - an 'ante' a man has to pony up in order to play your dating game. How old fashioned and patriarchal. It's a new millennium.

I'm 58 and much prefer a walking first date. My time is far more valuable than a cup of coffee or lunch. There's less pressure, I like movement, I like seeing things and it's a great opportunity to see if there's potential between us. If it goes well, we can get coffee afterwards.

As a woman I don’t have time or desire to walk with some random guy. If he’s so cheap that he needs a one hour walk to see if it’s worth spending a $3 on tea of coffee, no point even to meet. All my first dates are video check ins, or coffee intro at a favorite bakery

But I am puzzled why OPs GF has such a bitter attitude about other men. When someone offers a walking date you just say no - problem solved. I was never offered one, in fact, men go overboard picking expensive restaurants or venues as first date after we had a video call.

That’s weird and she needs a therapist.

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I have a single BIL who often vents about OLD. He makes very good money (over 1m) and he will say some women try to only pick expensive places. I asked why he is being so cheap. He said he had no problem taking a girl out that he is actually dating but that is not where he wants to go on a first date with someone he has never actually met. He prefers coffee so it can be very quick. If first meeting goes well, he will take her out on a real date.

My friend said her brother did the same thing. He would pick casual cheap places even though he is rich to weed out gold digger types.