Anonymous
04/26/2024 09:59
Subject: Re:Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Mine. She turned 21 yesterday. It kind of kills me. She is living with her boyfriend and his father. She had a nervous breakdown in high school and I think she's associated learning with all her mental illness issues. She couldn't complete HS and it took her three years to work up to taking her GED, which she passed on the first try. She works at a smoothie shop - I can't get a clear answer how many hours a week it is. She claims she doesn't want to go to college because she doesn't know what she wants to do and so it would be a waste.
She says she wants to work with her hands - I told her fine, go become a plumber or an electrician. No. She doesn't want to have to talk to people. I told her fine, go become a dishwasher in a restaurant. No, she doesn't want to work in the food service industry. Fine, go be a hotel maid and work in hospitality. No, she doesn't want to have to wear a uniform. Fine, go become a car mechanic at a big place, where someone else deals with the customers and you just work on the cars. No, that doesn't appeal to her. And on and on.
Every so often she'll ask me how to become some random profession. I think I want to be a writer - how did Elizabeth become an online editor? She went to school and double majored in English and journalism.
I just don't know how to help this kid. Who is now an adult.
Beauty industry is the answer. Massage therapy, nail tech, hairdresser, etc. You work with your hands and set your own hours.
DP Nope, this child has no grit, no real work ethic (yet) to work towards a long term goal. Doesn’t matter what mom suggests. Until she wants it for herself, she will stay adrift.
You sound like a loving mom 😂
Anonymous
04/26/2024 09:55
Subject: Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
I know a couple kids (great, smart, driven kids) not going because they are doing firefighter and EMT training instead. My ds is thinking about that, but since he isn't 100% sure he is going to go to college. If he were sure, I'd not have an issue with him going that route at all. What matters is having a plan.
Anonymous
04/26/2024 09:42
Subject: Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
Anonymous wrote:I was reading a comment elsewhere awhile back from a late 20s guy who was dating and trying to find a relationship. He was going on many dates arranged over online dating apps. He was his own one-man contracting business, in a field of home repair. He had many women say it wasn't going anywhere as soon as he told them what he does for a living. His job wasn't good enough.
What he didn't tell them was that he earns $250k/year, owns his own home, and has no debt. He said he is waiting for that diamond in a rough who can see past his job title and he'll give her a good life.
Maybe she should ask her parents. Would be awesome to have a contractor in the family. Think of how much money and stress you could save if your SIL could do all your renovations.
Anonymous
04/26/2024 09:15
Subject: Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
I was reading a comment elsewhere awhile back from a late 20s guy who was dating and trying to find a relationship. He was going on many dates arranged over online dating apps. He was his own one-man contracting business, in a field of home repair. He had many women say it wasn't going anywhere as soon as he told them what he does for a living. His job wasn't good enough.
What he didn't tell them was that he earns $250k/year, owns his own home, and has no debt. He said he is waiting for that diamond in a rough who can see past his job title and he'll give her a good life.
What he didn't tell them was that he earns $250k/year, owns his own home, and has no debt. He said he is waiting for that diamond in a rough who can see past his job title and he'll give her a good life.
Anonymous
04/26/2024 09:11
Subject: Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
^^And you cannot outsource the plumber's job overseas. He needs to do the work on site. So he has job security, unlike the office folks.
Anonymous
04/26/2024 09:10
Subject: Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
I do think more kids, especially young men, are deciding to skip college. They don't want the debt load, for starters.
A good plumber in Fairfax County pulls in $150k a year. Not bad, and no student loans to pay.
A good plumber in Fairfax County pulls in $150k a year. Not bad, and no student loans to pay.
Anonymous
04/26/2024 08:58
Subject: Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
I think I have a unique perspective on this topic. I worked trade jobs before going to school and now I practice labor and employment law. My take is that for a young man trades can be great. However, for it to work out you need to be savvy in a way that most dcum kids aren’t. Understanding unions, seniority, or just how to interact on a yard or site is its own skill and culture. You can make a lot of money in the trades(in some cases more than doctors). But there can be regular periods of unemployment which can be very painful if you don’t have the seniority to get recalled early.
But the most important thing to remember is that you are working with your body and as you age that gets harder. Additionally, you have a much higher chance of catastrophic injury. I saw two men impaled on rebar before I stared my current career. In 20 years there have been no impalement injuries at my office.
If your son decides to pursue a trade he will have to be very serious about his finances. As a lawyer, I’ve never been unemployed, but when I worked construction, I spent part of every year unemployed between jobs.
But you should also be aware that he’s probably not gonna be able to do that work into his 60s so he needs a plan.
Good luck
But the most important thing to remember is that you are working with your body and as you age that gets harder. Additionally, you have a much higher chance of catastrophic injury. I saw two men impaled on rebar before I stared my current career. In 20 years there have been no impalement injuries at my office.
If your son decides to pursue a trade he will have to be very serious about his finances. As a lawyer, I’ve never been unemployed, but when I worked construction, I spent part of every year unemployed between jobs.
But you should also be aware that he’s probably not gonna be able to do that work into his 60s so he needs a plan.
Good luck
Anonymous
04/26/2024 08:06
Subject: Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
https://www.npr.org/2024/04/22/1245858737/gen-z-trade-vocational-schools-jobs-college
Apparently many of this generation are not seeing the value of a college education. If he develops a tangible skill, there is nothing wrong with helping him find a way to obtain a pathway to becoming self-sufficient.
Sometimes kids need a year or two to grow up and gain perspective. Working is one way to do that. You could always encourage him to pursue an associates degree after undergoing an apprenticeship or potentially concurrently in something like business so he would know how to run his own business and develop the customer service skills necessary to be a great boss one day.
Forcing a kid who does not want to go to college when they have an alternative path -- even if it is not the one you had hoped for -- may backfire and you would be paying tuition for an uninvested child. To me, that seems like a bitter pill to swallow. Seeing first-hand how expensive it is to live in the DMV may also be a great motivator.
Final note: Our plumber left a law firm to do a trade because he got sick and tired of the firm. He makes six figures. Obviously he would have made more in law, but he seems happy.
Apparently many of this generation are not seeing the value of a college education. If he develops a tangible skill, there is nothing wrong with helping him find a way to obtain a pathway to becoming self-sufficient.
Sometimes kids need a year or two to grow up and gain perspective. Working is one way to do that. You could always encourage him to pursue an associates degree after undergoing an apprenticeship or potentially concurrently in something like business so he would know how to run his own business and develop the customer service skills necessary to be a great boss one day.
Forcing a kid who does not want to go to college when they have an alternative path -- even if it is not the one you had hoped for -- may backfire and you would be paying tuition for an uninvested child. To me, that seems like a bitter pill to swallow. Seeing first-hand how expensive it is to live in the DMV may also be a great motivator.
Final note: Our plumber left a law firm to do a trade because he got sick and tired of the firm. He makes six figures. Obviously he would have made more in law, but he seems happy.
Anonymous
04/25/2024 21:03
Subject: Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
Anonymous wrote:My teen keeps showing me every negative article about college. He’s leaning on not going. I’m disappointed, he’s a pretty good student.
It’s fine. There are tons of jobs available to people w/o a college degree.
Anonymous
04/25/2024 17:29
Subject: Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
Anonymous wrote:My teen keeps showing me every negative article about college. He’s leaning on not going. I’m disappointed, he’s a pretty good student.
At least he’s not opting for OnlyFans like some girls are instead of college.
Anonymous
04/25/2024 17:13
Subject: Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
What if your kid doesn't want to go to college because they think they can make a ton of money by being a social media influencer or some side hustles? My son has several college acceptances in hand, most with good merit $. But he is really pushing back on college because he has been sucked into the "escape the matrix" mantra of influencers like Andrew Tate. The problem is, he is not really a great personality--like I can't really see him being successful in sales or social media. He has a lot of growing up to do and has ADHD and low processing, so school is not fun for him. But on the other hand, he has some intense interests (thanks to the ADHD) that he could definitely study in college and make a career out of. He does not want a conventional 9-5 job, and I've told him that going to college does not mean he has to work that type of job. I'm so frustrated. I just can't imagine turning down all these acceptances when he does not really have a viable alternative plan.
Anonymous
02/29/2024 09:22
Subject: Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
Anonymous wrote:An education is a gift.
Love of learning is learned for most kids.
Your kid moves out no help from you. Take their cell phone and car if you pay.
If they are an adult then they need to be one fully.
Horrible advice!
Anonymous
02/29/2024 08:47
Subject: Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
I know a mom whose kid had no intention of going away to college, so she secretly filled out and sent her kid's college application. The kid ended up going and doing fine. Not condoning this approach at all, and it probably delayed treatment for anxiety issues, but it doesn't seem like there are any regrets.
Anonymous
02/29/2024 07:08
Subject: Re:Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
Help your child sort what they want to do for money. Your child needs to do whatever - if any- the training is for that job. It may be a trade school, an apprenticeship, a certificate profrsm, a two year degreee etc… There are plenty of people with good jobs who do not go to college. Also keep in mind your child could go later in life.
Anonymous
02/29/2024 00:44
Subject: Re:Anyone’s kid deciding not to go to college?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would be very upset, but it's true that college isn't for everyone.
Having stated that, you should show your kid the income trajectory for those with degree and those without.
WSJ just ran a big article on the number of underemployed college graduates. For most of those kids, college was a negative investment.
The income trajectories are heavily influenced by outcomes in STEM, finance, etc. If you look at the trajectories outside of many quantitative majors, again, it won't produce the results you want to see.
This isn't to say you don't need skills, however, go out to SFO and there are thousands of people working in tech without college degrees...but they are skilled.
Advancement in the workplace usually requires a degree.
Yes, an electrician can make more than English major, so what you major in also matters.
The electrician can then own their own business and eventually make more than a programmer at a midsize company.
However, statistically, most electricians don't go on to own their own business.
Wouldn't that electrician have to get special masters training? My brother is in HVAC and took classes every night for years after work to become masters level.
Yes and that’s what he’ll do just like your brother.