Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Maybe for dinosaurs like you. This simply isn't true anymore.

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s my take: you can’t ask to move a regular meeting with multiple people because of a weekly / recurring childcare pickup/dropoff. You just have to figure out another solution (partner switches, sitter picks up). One-offs (kid sick, daycare closed) are fine to mention and accommodate. If the meeting is a one on one with a colleague, fine to move it. But dh is right here in the sense that he can’t ask to change the meeting because he had a baby. He should do a dropoff in exchange though. You also might want to get a nanny if you can.

Sincere question: WHY do you think it’s unreasonable to ASK? Maybe everyone else doesn’t give a sh!t if they change the meeting time…

Anonymous wrote:If neither of you has the "bigger" job or more flexible job, then you should each be doing half of the drop off/pickups. If he wants to keep that meeting he needs to take drop off and go in later that morning instead. That way he has 1 drop off/4 pickups and you have 4 drop offs/1 pickup.

Anonymous wrote:Here’s my take: you can’t ask to move a regular meeting with multiple people because of a weekly / recurring childcare pickup/dropoff. You just have to figure out another solution (partner switches, sitter picks up). One-offs (kid sick, daycare closed) are fine to mention and accommodate. If the meeting is a one on one with a colleague, fine to move it. But dh is right here in the sense that he can’t ask to change the meeting because he had a baby. He should do a dropoff in exchange though. You also might want to get a nanny if you can.

Anonymous wrote:All the other members of his team shouldn't have to change their plans for him. Maybe they have pickup too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he ever TW? Maybe does drop off and pickup on the same day.

FWIW my DW frequently has meetings and I have to do both pickup and dropoff at least once per week. It's not ideal but not the end of the world either. It may not be realistic to reschedule the meeting depending on the size of the team.

I agree with this in the abstract but there's a red flag waving that it's a year until this will even matter (no kid yet, and then leave) and DH is already drawing a line in the sand that *nothing* should change about his (not bigger, not more important, not less flexible) job once this kid is here. He's basically saying that any childcare issues that crop up are mom's job, because he has a real job to worry about. And that's an obnoxious attitude even coming from a seven-figure HHI dad with a SAHW, but it's significantly grosser from run of the mill guys like OP's got. Because it's not about his job, which isn't big and impressive and obviously more important than hers. It's just about him not having to make any changes because *he* is somehow intrinsically entitled to stability and calm after becoming a parent, and all the chaos needs to fall to her.

Yes, all of this

Also, he should start paying attention to what other people do -- people move meetings all the time

And if they don't, then he can be a leader in changing his office culture or get a new job. Either way, he needs to step up and be a parent, it's not OK in 2024--we're talking about someone born after [b]1990[/b] here, right?--to fall back on gender stereotypes.

This is DCUM. I'd be shocked if a first time new parent was born after 1990. He was most likely born in the late 70's/ early 80s.

Someone born in 1990 is 34, hardly a spring chicken. You should be at least 8 years out of law school or B-school by then and in a position to decide what time your standing meetings are held.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If neither of you has the "bigger" job or more flexible job, then you should each be doing half of the drop off/pickups. If he wants to keep that meeting he needs to take drop off and go in later that morning instead. That way he has 1 drop off/4 pickups and you have 4 drop offs/1 pickup.

If you all start bean counting this early in the life of being a parent, your lives are going to be full of conflict. Every single task does not have to be done half by each. The big picture has to equal out but the minutiae doesn’t.

I agree with your husband that the job does not have to cater your personal life. If this is a regular set weekly meeting, he needs to work family life around this. He is going to need grace for all of those sick days and early pick ups and doctors appointments and school plays that happen in the middle of the day.

This isn't bean counting!

Again, OP is already moving meetings around in her schedule to do day care drop offs and her spouse hasn't moved anything. He plans to go to work at his normal time, leave at his normal time, and if anything conflicts he expects her to pick up the slack.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If neither of you has the "bigger" job or more flexible job, then you should each be doing half of the drop off/pickups. If he wants to keep that meeting he needs to take drop off and go in later that morning instead. That way he has 1 drop off/4 pickups and you have 4 drop offs/1 pickup.

If you all start bean counting this early in the life of being a parent, your lives are going to be full of conflict. Every single task does not have to be done half by each. The big picture has to equal out but the minutiae doesn’t.

I agree with your husband that the job does not have to cater your personal life. If this is a regular set weekly meeting, he needs to work family life around this. He is going to need grace for all of those sick days and early pick ups and doctors appointments and school plays that happen in the middle of the day.

Anonymous wrote:Husband needs to learn that work respect will actually accrue to him if he prioritizes his kid/dad role and moves the meeting. My husband has gotten SO MUCH CREDIT at work for being an involved dad. It makes people take him more seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he ever TW? Maybe does drop off and pickup on the same day.

FWIW my DW frequently has meetings and I have to do both pickup and dropoff at least once per week. It's not ideal but not the end of the world either. It may not be realistic to reschedule the meeting depending on the size of the team.

I agree with this in the abstract but there's a red flag waving that it's a year until this will even matter (no kid yet, and then leave) and DH is already drawing a line in the sand that *nothing* should change about his (not bigger, not more important, not less flexible) job once this kid is here. He's basically saying that any childcare issues that crop up are mom's job, because he has a real job to worry about. And that's an obnoxious attitude even coming from a seven-figure HHI dad with a SAHW, but it's significantly grosser from run of the mill guys like OP's got. Because it's not about his job, which isn't big and impressive and obviously more important than hers. It's just about him not having to make any changes because *he* is somehow intrinsically entitled to stability and calm after becoming a parent, and all the chaos needs to fall to her.

Yes, all of this

Also, he should start paying attention to what other people do -- people move meetings all the time

And if they don't, then he can be a leader in changing his office culture or get a new job. Either way, he needs to step up and be a parent, it's not OK in 2024--we're talking about someone born after [b]1990[/b] here, right?--to fall back on gender stereotypes.

This is DCUM. I'd be shocked if a first time new parent was born after 1990. He was most likely born in the late 70's/ early 80s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he ever TW? Maybe does drop off and pickup on the same day.

FWIW my DW frequently has meetings and I have to do both pickup and dropoff at least once per week. It's not ideal but not the end of the world either. It may not be realistic to reschedule the meeting depending on the size of the team.

I agree with this in the abstract but there's a red flag waving that it's a year until this will even matter (no kid yet, and then leave) and DH is already drawing a line in the sand that *nothing* should change about his (not bigger, not more important, not less flexible) job once this kid is here. He's basically saying that any childcare issues that crop up are mom's job, because he has a real job to worry about. And that's an obnoxious attitude even coming from a seven-figure HHI dad with a SAHW, but it's significantly grosser from run of the mill guys like OP's got. Because it's not about his job, which isn't big and impressive and obviously more important than hers. It's just about him not having to make any changes because *he* is somehow intrinsically entitled to stability and calm after becoming a parent, and all the chaos needs to fall to her.

Yes, all of this

Also, he should start paying attention to what other people do -- people move meetings all the time

And if they don't, then he can be a leader in changing his office culture or get a new job. Either way, he needs to step up and be a parent, it's not OK in 2024--we're talking about someone born after [b]1990[/b] here, right?--to fall back on gender stereotypes.

This is DCUM. I'd be shocked if a first time new parent was born after 1990. He was most likely born in the late 70's/ early 80s.