Anonymous wrote:Don’t say sorry

Don’t plan holiday parties

Don’t take notes during meetings

Don’t worry about being called bossy, etc when you’re just standing up for yourself.

Don’t let men talk over you. If they start to say e”excuse me, you’ll have an opportunity to talk when I’m done”

Ask for a mentor in a position of power

Protect your staff

Build relationships, up/down/sideways

Hard work and getting it done makes you indispensable meaning they won’t promote you for fear of losing you.

Good list. Except the nots during meetings, that can lead to you running the next meeting.

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my younger self:

1. Congratulations on living abroad. Actually, take more time off in between jobs to spend living overseas while you are young, fit and beautiful. Try a fun job in San Francisco

2. Give that rich, dandy guy at the US Open your phone number. Your date will not turn out to be your husband so you have nothing to lose.

3. Stay out of office gossip and keep your lips closed!

4. Great job investing, put a little more money away!

5. Buy a house in Maryland instead of DC. You will want a backyard!

6 Good job advocating for what you want!

7. Don't let work stress you out while pregnant. Take FMLA and come back one year later. You won't regret the time off!

FMLA is 12 weeks

Anonymous wrote:Have your babies sooner. I had mine at 32 and 34, hoping that by waiting my career would be less affected. Spoiler alert: my career still took a huge hit. As a female litigator, there’s never a good time to have a baby.

Had mine at 32, where can one find a man who wants to commit early in life?

Don't plan anything social in the office, which was excellent advice from a female mentor.

I would also tell myself not to work so hard.

Have your babies sooner. I had mine at 32 and 34, hoping that by waiting my career would be less affected. Spoiler alert: my career still took a huge hit. As a female litigator, there’s never a good time to have a baby.

Be more confident. Speak up and speak wisely in that when you talk, people respect what you have to say.

Be willing to learn. Anticipate what your boss might want from you before they ask. Seek out a mentor who wants to provide advice.

Work for bosses who respect your time and boundaries.

Keep your mouth shut in terms of your personal life. Keep it private if you can. Often the friends you meet at work are not for life, and it is just a friendship of convenience. I have met a handful of real friends, but it is rare. Things you say can be used against you later. For instance, I had a toxic workplace where my colleagues were jealous of me because I got married at an expensive venue and had a honeymoon abroad. They treated me poorly because they felt I was uppity.

If a place is toxic, run. I took a class in organizational dynamics in grad school and thought it was junk. Later on, I found out the hard way that if you don't believe in your workplace's values and the leadership, it is not the right fit.

If you manager gives you a ton of work but doesn't back it up with pay or promotions---find a new job. No need to take it personally. I tried to fight for my position in Company A, but I should have just left.

One of the best things I ever did for myself was getting an MBA from a top 25 program 25 years ago.

My math skills were always good but I was a liberal arts major undergrad, and the business degree really helped me feel confident and also strengthen my business skills and learn stats, accounting, finance, etc. I am not scared to look at a balance sheet or understand the strategy behind most business decisions. That is 90% of the battle when dealing with c suite.

The sad thing is, business degrees are still tilted toward men and even outside of the top programs it’s still only about 30-40% women. Also many of those are in the soft side of business a.k.a. marketing., rather than in the higher paying real estate or finance.

For any woman who is relatively decent at math, and turned off by the more technical computer science or engineering world, a business degree is a great alternative.

I would tell my younger self:

1. Congratulations on living abroad. Actually, take more time off in between jobs to spend living overseas while you are young, fit and beautiful. Try a fun job in San Francisco

2. Give that rich, dandy guy at the US Open your phone number. Your date will not turn out to be your husband so you have nothing to lose.

3. Stay out of office gossip and keep your lips closed!

4. Great job investing, put a little more money away!

5. Buy a house in Maryland instead of DC. You will want a backyard!

6 Good job advocating for what you want!

7. Don't let work stress you out while pregnant. Take FMLA and come back one year later. You won't regret the time off!

Beware of “non-promotable tasks”.

Women get often picked to do the social and administrative things like planning parties or taking notes. It’s important to say no gracefully, or point out that men aren’t being asked or that more men should join the team.

I had to do this recently, where the entire team that was picked to help the Admin with 100 person offsite meeting was seven women of varying levels. I actually said, maybe there should be a more balanced team? They added some men to the team. I am in a position of power to do that in my company, but just be cautious of volunteering to do non- strategic work when you can.

I would go on an antidepressant earlier than my 40s.

I found that much of my anxiety and twisting about work it was just generalized anxiety disorder. Once I went on a low-dose antidepressant, a lot of it went away.

I also would cry inappropriately at work one or two times a year and I think Lexapro has really helped with that. Haven’t done it since I went in 5 years ago, I’ve had a lot of bad stuff happened since then that I’ve weathered.

I’d tell my younger self to try very hard to figure out if I’ll be working for a woman who sees me as a mentee or as a threat. Strangely this doesn’t really seem to apply to male supervisors in my experience. Who you work for is 90% of happiness on the job for me.

This was really helpful. Anyone else want to chime in?

Ask for what you want with out apologizing. Ask for flexibility, different work, more money at different times.

Know you do good work and you are worthy of doing it in a way that works for your life.

The professor who told you that you should speak up more in grad school was right. But also protect the voices of other valuable co-workers who get overlooked.

Growth mindset.
There is a lot that you can learn even if you haven’t been exposed to it.
Don’t be afraid to go into a more lucrative career.