When I first joined Kaiser, my first appointment included a strong push to include an STD test with my annual check-up blood work. Dr. knew I had been married for 15+ years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My primary doctor ordered it without even telling me when i had a swollen lymph node. It was very strange of her to put in the order but not tell me.

Pretty sure you have to sign a consent for HIV testing

No idea, I never went.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's gay op. Snoop and watch real closely before saying anything. You will find what you're looking for..also get tested asap.

You know that straight men have sex with other men right?

Did you travel over here from the recent thread about the wife suspecting her DH is bi? Some people there kept claiming what you're saying above. The term "hetero flexible" actually came up. That's...bi.

Anonymous wrote:He's gay op. Snoop and watch real closely before saying anything. You will find what you're looking for..also get tested asap.

You know that straight men have sex with other men right?

Anonymous wrote:Nobody has said this clearly so I will. HIV is not a "gay" disease anymore. Our gay brothers take care of themselves. It's not stigmatized at all and there are measures that can be taken and are often discussed.

So, if this is about extramarital sex, i doubt he's with a man.

And nobody's called troll. So I will.

“Subpopulations. In the United States, gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men are the population most affected by HIV. According to CDC, of the 30,635 new HIV diagnoses in the U.S. in 2020, 68% (20,758) were among gay and bisexual men.a By race/ethnicity, Blacks/African Americans and Hispanics/Latinos are disproportionately affected by HIV compared to other racial and ethnic groups. Also, transgender women who have sex with men are among the groups at highest risk for HIV infection. People who inject drugs remain at significant risk for getting HIV as well.“

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most likely because you’re not in monogamous relationship of 20 years. He’s traveling for work? Go get an std panel.

This. Everyone is saying there are innocent explanations, but if it were for a visa, or life insurance, or some mandatory annual what-have-you, OP wouldn't be finding this out this way. Someone who finds out they have to take an HIV test for whatever unexpected non-sexual reason would likely comment on that to their partner in conversation at some point.

Why? It’s very routine

Is it?

Sure, for a new life insurance policy. Or for a visa to a difficult country. Or perhaps a new medical provider.

Under none of those circumstances would it be a secret from their life partner.

It's also very common to take an HIV and STD test when someone is having sex with prostitutes, or gay men, or having questionable encounters.

Choose your adventure.

I suspect most spouses that don't have anything to hide would be very upfront about why they are getting an HIV test. In case something came in the mail or something awkward like that

You know better (it’s 2024 not 1992), do better.

Are you disagreeing with the statement that if you are a man who has sex with men, or a man who visits sex workers, you are in a high risk category for contracting HIV?

Anonymous wrote:My primary doctor ordered it without even telling me when i had a swollen lymph node. It was very strange of her to put in the order but not tell me.

Pretty sure you have to sign a consent for HIV testing

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the responses. My husband did apply for life insurance recently. I decided to Google the company “ExamOne,” and indeed it is a company that provides services to the insurance industry. I’m relieved as this sounds totally reasonable — just odd that DH never mentioned this test. But he did leave the pamphlet lying around so it’s not like he was hiding it from me.

Sounds like you have your answer for the most part.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get checked for all STIs. STAT. I do every year even though I am in a monogamous relationship for 10+ years. My spouse travels and I trust them, but you need to advocate for yourself and protect yourself.

You don’t trust them.

DP. I did. Then was blown away at year 20 when I found out he found a married woman online and had been banging her once or twice a month…while still having regular weekly sex a few times a week with me.

Absolutely horrifying. My Gyn says women find out a lot in her office when they have an sti—but were “monogamous”.

So awful. Sorry PP. I hope you have been ok since.

Ok so he left the pamphlet out in the open. Maybe the better question is how is your communication? How do you get to a point in your marriage where one of you is taking random HIV tests and it’s not a topic of discussion?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this sounds like a take home test, not one your doctor orders as part of your blood work. Nothing routine about this one.

This. The ones from your doctor or labcorp or the travel medicine clinic don’t come with a pamphlet and stickers.

Exactly! But I call troll on this. Nobody I know wouldn’t pick that pamphlet up immediately and say “wtf is this for?!?” and ask for an explanation.

Good lord

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the responses. My husband did apply for life insurance recently. I decided to Google the company “ExamOne,” and indeed it is a company that provides services to the insurance industry. I’m relieved as this sounds totally reasonable — just odd that DH never mentioned this test. But he did leave the pamphlet lying around so it’s not like he was hiding it from me.

Here’s a radical thought: ask him. FFS

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get checked for all STIs. STAT. I do every year even though I am in a monogamous relationship for 10+ years. My spouse travels and I trust them, but you need to advocate for yourself and protect yourself.

You don’t trust them.

DP. I did. Then was blown away at year 20 when I found out he found a married woman online and had been banging her once or twice a month…while still having regular weekly sex a few times a week with me.

Absolutely horrifying. My Gyn says women find out a lot in her office when they have an sti—but were “monogamous”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most likely because you’re not in monogamous relationship of 20 years. He’s traveling for work? Go get an std panel.

This. Everyone is saying there are innocent explanations, but if it were for a visa, or life insurance, or some mandatory annual what-have-you, OP wouldn't be finding this out this way. Someone who finds out they have to take an HIV test for whatever unexpected non-sexual reason would likely comment on that to their partner in conversation at some point.

Why? It’s very routine

Is it?

Sure, for a new life insurance policy. Or for a visa to a difficult country. Or perhaps a new medical provider.

Under none of those circumstances would it be a secret from their life partner.

It's also very common to take an HIV and STD test when someone is having sex with prostitutes, or gay men, or having questionable encounters.

Choose your adventure.

I suspect most spouses that don't have anything to hide would be very upfront about why they are getting an HIV test. In case something came in the mail or something awkward like that

You know better (it’s 2024 not 1992), do better.

Are you a dumbass? Even the CDC recommends routine screening for people with promiscuous sex lives and men who engage in sex with other men.

I think that if it was for a nefarious reason he wouldn't have left it lying arond.

But since he is away, I would take this opportunity to snoop otherwise and see what you can find. Also copy all your financial info.

And make an appointment with your gyn for a full std work up