Anonymous wrote:My mom passed away 6 years ago after a long battle with cancer. She was in her mid 60s. It’s still extremely heartbreaking to my family (me, my dad and my brother) and I miss her more than anything.

A few months ago, on a phone call with my dad (who is in his 70s now), he very casually mentioned that he felt like he was ready for some “companionship.” It took me completely by surprise as I couldn’t imagine my dad ever wanting to be with anyone after 40+ years of marriage with my mom. I voiced my surprise and confusion on the call and he didn’t bring it up again. A few months passed and he, again very casually, mentioned a childhood friend that he reconnected with. I also recently found out via another family member that they travel together and spend quite a bit of time together. Most recently, he brought her to a family function, which I must admit, was upsetting to hear.

I’m not sure how to process these emotions. Part of me feels like my dad is forgetting or replacing the 40 years he shared with my mom and her memory feels more and more distant. At the same time, I’m glad my dad isn’t completely alone because we don’t live near each other and I worry about him. Truth be told, I never want to meet this friend of his and I don’t want her to be a part of my life. I know she could never replace my mom. I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has navigated feeling this way or if I’m completely off base.

Anonymous wrote:Grow up OP. Also you are going to be grateful when he needs a nursemaid, if it’s not her it’s going to be you. My MIL having a partner in her final years meant I was off the hook having to care for her and take her to doctors.

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to meet her if you don't want to. You do not have to welcome her into the fold if you feel like it is takes away from your mother's memory, and you are the one who gets to decide that. You'll get tons of grief from other olds in the family who want to be free to stomp over graves in their frantic efforts to stop the steady march of mortality, but whatever. People could take comfort in their actual blood families, but Boomers tend to be delusional about their want/"need" for romance well past their fertile age.

Honestly, it's probably better for him to glom on to one lady friend rather than play the field. If he was the type, there are tons more women than men his age, and he could end up with lots of drama.

The bad news is, the woman usually dictates things socially, so you will likely end up losing your dad in that respect, unless she's a big introvert or doesn't have kids of her own.

Let her be his nursemaid, and bonus points if she has a nice fat purse from the first husband. She knows she cannot replace your mom, and who cares if your dad thinks that. Men will be men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the loss of your mother, to cancer no less, followed by your father dating another woman must be very traumatic to you. Tell him how you feel, maybe write a letter. He should consider your feelings and get your permission if he wants to date, since you’re his daughter and you are speaking for your mother too. She may not want your dad to date either. Six years, or six decades, love knows no timeline.

This is simply the worst advice I have ever read on DCUM.

OP is an adult, not a 12 year old. She has no say in her dad's romantic life. If anything, she should find a way to be outwardly happy for her dad while she works on her feelings privately or with a therapist.[b]

Mom is dead. She does not get to tell husband he can't date. Even the religious crazies agree that marriage ends at death. Furthermore, someone who truly and selflessly loved their spouse *would* want them to have companionship.

. But she will always be his daughter! Have some empathy for her feelings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the loss of your mother, to cancer no less, followed by your father dating another woman must be very traumatic to you. Tell him how you feel, maybe write a letter. He should consider your feelings and get your permission if he wants to date, since you’re his daughter and you are speaking for your mother too. She may not want your dad to date either. Six years, or six decades, love knows no timeline.

This is simply the worst advice I have ever read on DCUM.

OP is an adult, not a 12 year old. She has no say in her dad's romantic life. If anything, she should find a way to be outwardly happy for her dad while she works on her feelings privately or with a therapist.[b]

Mom is dead. She does not get to tell husband he can't date. Even the religious crazies agree that marriage ends at death. Furthermore, someone who truly and selflessly loved their spouse *would* want them to have companionship.

. But she will always be his daughter! Have some empathy for her feelings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the loss of your mother, to cancer no less, followed by your father dating another woman must be very traumatic to you. Tell him how you feel, maybe write a letter. He should consider your feelings and get your permission if he wants to date, since you’re his daughter and you are speaking for your mother too. She may not want your dad to date either. Six years, or six decades, love knows no timeline.

This is simply the worst advice I have ever read on DCUM.

OP is an adult, not a 12 year old. She has no say in her dad's romantic life. If anything, she should find a way to be outwardly happy for her dad while she works on her feelings privately or with a therapist.[b]

Mom is dead. She does not get to tell husband he can't date. Even the religious crazies agree that marriage ends at death. Furthermore, someone who truly and selflessly loved their spouse *would* want them to have companionship.