Ours is cliqueish but the clique parents are the first to act as if they are welcoming. They take offense so easily without realizing they are the problem. Their pov is martyrdom but also gossip heavily and some seem to not know how to act around minorities (parents raise your kids to be comfortable around P.O.C). They'll pay lip service to being inclusive.
I genuinely think they are all doing this with the best intentions but don't realize the tact the job entails. You have to keep it clean, basic and pleasant so people can trust in the organization. Save the gossip and exclusion for off campus gatherings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a different country, and I often think these whole PTA and event things in the States are just too much. Why do schools, even public ones, need so many events that require parents' time and, more importantly, donations? Other advanced countries can educate their children without all these events - auctions, book fair, family game night, etc... Perhaps PTA parents are not the real problem. Probably the problem lies in the flawed education system that allow certain parents fulfill their desire for self-importance within the school.

100% agree. Especially when large numbers of students are not even grade level proficient.

Wut?

Anonymous wrote:PTA = Teachers and Administration too. The school, the school professionals, have some responsibility to lead and curtail some of the nonsense.

At our school there is involvement from teachers and administration, but the parents who are involved always want to do more than the teachers and administration want to do. Like it's very clear from the dynamics at meetings and on some committees that most teachers and administration would prefer that the PTA stick to fundraising and do less event-planning and other involvement, but also there's this passivity there like "ok if you guys want to do this, go for it, but we will only be able to support so much." As a result we have a lot of events where there is little to know involvement from teachers and administration, because I think they'd prefer there be fewer things for them to have to attend after school and on weekends, and it's really just families getting together.

I think many people on our PTA believe school should be a source of social experiences, for both parents and kids. I'm sure this is true at some schools. But it doesn't HAVE to be true, and personally I'd be okay with less social stuff as long as the school was a welcoming place for my kids during the school day. Or if the social events were more low key. So many of them involve food and activities that are over the top and not really necessary -- elementary kids are generally happy to play on a playground with their friends. You don't also have to rent a bounce house and serve popcorn and candy and do face paining and show a movie. Maybe do one event like that a year? Not 6. Then you wouldn't need so many volunteers, you'd spend less money, and I think the kids would actually appreciate it more because they'd look forward to the "Spring PTA Festival" or whatever. But instead it's like once every 6 weeks or so, there is an event like that. It's too much and I really do not think it is necessary at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our PTA is great. They work extremely hard to raise funds for our school and I can’t think of an instance where I ever felt remotely annoyed by them. They’re not cliquey at all though, so maybe that helps. So sad to hear it’s not like this at all schools. Maybe if you don’t like how your PTA is being run, you could volunteer to be on the board? You know, be the change an all. Or, you can sit behind your keyboard and continue to complain about an organization that is probably funding half the supplies in your child’s classroom.

NP but in my experience, the PTA moms that are like this are not the ones that are in low income schools. The parents in low income or diverse schools aren't the snooty ones who choose to live in McLean or Oakton or Burke or whatever other high SES/primarily caucasian families live. Even the high SES schools that have large Asian populations don't have this type of attitude because Asian families don't have the tolerance for this level of bullshit. And before you call me racist, we are an Asian family in one of those majority Asian schools (this is our third ES in the past 14 years, we've seen it all).

I agree with you for the most part but I din’t think you’ve experienced cliquish behavior from majority Asian dmv population groups. I’m from a part of California with a lot of Asians who are high performing but normal. I’m Asian myself. The Asians here are a different animal: very tiger mom, hyper competitive, comparing credentials. Very “crabs in a bucket.”

She was referring to income, not race.

ITA that income makes a huge difference. In lower income schools they BEG for volunteers. In upper income schools, they try to freeze out other parents and control everything, so they can have the martyr attitude demonstrated upthread. "Walk a day in our shoes" gimme a break.

agree, in higher income schools there is more competition for school services, like gifted. the pta moms are in the game, just see who comes to the gifted services meetings at the school. look at the schmoozing that happens there

Wish they would. I would respect them for it. "We will be doing X. We will not be doing Y."

PTA = Teachers and Administration too. The school, the school professionals, have some responsibility to lead and curtail some of the nonsense.

My kids are split between a small private school and a public middle school. Neither has a PTA. It isn’t missed.

The private school has a wish list for each class. Parents buy up whatever the teachers ask for. There are a couple events, but the admin mostly do the work and will put out a sign up genius for specific parent tasks they need help with. No organized gift giving. It is wonderful.

The middle school has a couple events like school dances. The school will put out and email if they want parent help with chaperoning. That is about it. Not a wealthy district, there are no supply lists and wish lists and asks for donations. The kids don’t really need anything anyhow. Some pencils and a Chromebook is about it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA at our school feels really cliquish. I tried volunteering for a while but felt very unwelcome. Now I do things for them occasionally out of obligation to the school and because I think it's important to demonstrate what community involvement is to my kid. But I don't jt enjoy it at all because I find the other PTA parents bizarrely unfriendly and I just kind of smile my way through it but when it's over I always tell my husband "remind me not to do this again."

I just don't get their behavior. They constantly ask for volunteers and want more people involved, but they clearly mostly just want people who they already know (because their kids are friends, are in the same activities, or they're neighbors or whatever) and they view me as an outsider. It often feels like they are like "We desperately need volunteers! No, not you." It's feels pretty bad.

This is exactly my experience at our DC private. It even happens on the sports teams at the school. I volunteered because it was strongly encouraged and I have never been made to feel so unwelcome in my entire life. These women presumably have real jobs in the real world and I cannot imagine how they function with colleagues and staff. Don’t worry ladies, I’m not trying to steal your snack arranging thunder. JFC.

LOL (They don't act that way with colleagues and staff. School brings out some primal feelings in adults. They are acting out their inner childhood hurts and desires, stuffed way way down until the pandora's box opens when they set foot inside a school again. There should be trigger warnings during registration.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA at our school feels really cliquish. I tried volunteering for a while but felt very unwelcome. Now I do things for them occasionally out of obligation to the school and because I think it's important to demonstrate what community involvement is to my kid. But I don't jt enjoy it at all because I find the other PTA parents bizarrely unfriendly and I just kind of smile my way through it but when it's over I always tell my husband "remind me not to do this again."

I just don't get their behavior. They constantly ask for volunteers and want more people involved, but they clearly mostly just want people who they already know (because their kids are friends, are in the same activities, or they're neighbors or whatever) and they view me as an outsider. It often feels like they are like "We desperately need volunteers! No, not you." It's feels pretty bad.

Very similar experience with PTA in the Vienna area.

Similar experience too (is this the new “me too” movement) in a high income zone. I know it is unpaid, important, and yet can be thankless to be in the PTA. Maybe it’s because it’s unpaid that you sometimes get people who don’t know how to lead well.

I volunteered, but leadership didn’t show me how to do the job the way they wanted me to do it apparently, and they didn’t seem to know how to delegate or relinquish control, and so I ended up being a passive viewer. Then the job was tossed onto me, so I did it the best way I could. Then I got weird vibes from that group like they were talking bad about me, leadership took over again my role, and so I excused myself. I have better things to do with my time than to deal with drama.

That PTA is always sending emails asking for volunteers, but I will never volunteer again based on that experience, and avoid being around those people. It’s a shame, because had they known how to train new volunteers, been more communicative, and been more professionally run and not tribal and nasty, I would have gladly been a dependable regular volunteer. Honestly now, if most or all of the programs go away because of a lack of volunteers, I would say it is the unfortunate but inevitable outcome of that group.

So relatable. I have done quite a bit of volunteering with our PTA but I'm taking a big step back because dealing with the lack of organization and the often wasted time is frustrating, and it is so often coupled with rudeness and clique-ish behavior. Like it would be one thing if they were kind of disorganized with weak leadership, but people were generally friendly and you knew everyone was trying their best.

This has happened to me at least a half dozen times in my 3 years of PTA activity: I see a call for volunteers and raise my hand/put my name on a list/send an email to the coordinator/whatever. I hear nothing back. Then I see the same call for volunteers and I volunteer again, this time making sure I know who I'm supposed to talk to. Inevitably, this person is weirdly standoffish and rude, but I power through. Then I show up for volunteering and they act like they are surprised I'm there. Then I try to help where it seems I'm needed (because no one has told me what to do and also acted like I wasn't supposed to be there) and am told by various people I am doing something wrong or messed something up. Then I stay late helping clean up until it becomes obvious they PTA people wish I would leave so they can gossip and complain about me and all the other volunteers, so I leave.

As much fun as this is, I have decided I'm done with it. My kid is entering middle grades next year and we have an only child -- we'll volunteer for classroom stuff and school trips as teachers request it, but no more PTA. If any of those PTA parents want to pull a guilt trip/martyr routine with me, I don't care. I tried, y'all made it as hard an unpleasant as possible, best of luck to you.