Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only have 2 but am going for a 3rd soon and have overthought this a lot. My take:

-- You don't do things individually with each kid. You are one family unit and you like being together as much as possible.

-- You say no to dumb things like bday parties unless it's a close friend and/or you really want to go. You turn down adult group vacations, expensive group/couples dinners, play dates etc. You learn to really say no and be happy with that decision, or you'll run your family ragged spending time on things that don't matter or drain your time/energy/money.

-- You pick one activity a semester and say no to a lot.

-- You don't volunteer at school. No PTA etc.

You should not have a third kid. We have three and do all the things above that you don’t think you should do. And we’re perfectly happy and adjusted family.

This is why we don't have three. I want my 2 to have a full life and do all of those things. Plus my youngest has SN. That sealed the deal for us.

How does this comment connect to OP's question? You're not making three work with two careers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only have 2 but am going for a 3rd soon and have overthought this a lot. My take:

-- You don't do things individually with each kid. You are one family unit and you like being together as much as possible.

-- You say no to dumb things like bday parties unless it's a close friend and/or you really want to go. You turn down adult group vacations, expensive group/couples dinners, play dates etc. You learn to really say no and be happy with that decision, or you'll run your family ragged spending time on things that don't matter or drain your time/energy/money.

-- You pick one activity a semester and say no to a lot.

-- You don't volunteer at school. No PTA etc.

That does not sound like a good life

I'm a working mom of three (I make $300K and am remote with limited travel) and we do none of this. You sound like a troll.

After two, you release your sphincter or you die. You outsource or you die.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only have 2 but am going for a 3rd soon and have overthought this a lot. My take:

-- You don't do things individually with each kid. You are one family unit and you like being together as much as possible.

-- You say no to dumb things like bday parties unless it's a close friend and/or you really want to go. You turn down adult group vacations, expensive group/couples dinners, play dates etc. You learn to really say no and be happy with that decision, or you'll run your family ragged spending time on things that don't matter or drain your time/energy/money.

-- You pick one activity a semester and say no to a lot.

-- You don't volunteer at school. No PTA etc.

You should not have a third kid. We have three and do all the things above that you don’t think you should do. And we’re perfectly happy and adjusted family.

This is why we don't have three. I want my 2 to have a full life and do all of those things. Plus my youngest has SN. That sealed the deal for us.

Anonymous wrote:I only have 2 but am going for a 3rd soon and have overthought this a lot. My take:

-- You don't do things individually with each kid. You are one family unit and you like being together as much as possible.

-- You say no to dumb things like bday parties unless it's a close friend and/or you really want to go. You turn down adult group vacations, expensive group/couples dinners, play dates etc. You learn to really say no and be happy with that decision, or you'll run your family ragged spending time on things that don't matter or drain your time/energy/money.

-- You pick one activity a semester and say no to a lot.

-- You don't volunteer at school. No PTA etc.

You should not have a third kid. We have three and do all the things above that you don’t think you should do. And we’re perfectly happy and adjusted family.

Anonymous wrote:I only have 2 but am going for a 3rd soon and have overthought this a lot. My take:

-- You don't do things individually with each kid. You are one family unit and you like being together as much as possible.

-- You say no to dumb things like bday parties unless it's a close friend and/or you really want to go. You turn down adult group vacations, expensive group/couples dinners, play dates etc. You learn to really say no and be happy with that decision, or you'll run your family ragged spending time on things that don't matter or drain your time/energy/money.

-- You pick one activity a semester and say no to a lot.

-- You don't volunteer at school. No PTA etc.

That does not sound like a good life

I only have 2 but am going for a 3rd soon and have overthought this a lot. My take:

-- You don't do things individually with each kid. You are one family unit and you like being together as much as possible.

-- You say no to dumb things like bday parties unless it's a close friend and/or you really want to go. You turn down adult group vacations, expensive group/couples dinners, play dates etc. You learn to really say no and be happy with that decision, or you'll run your family ragged spending time on things that don't matter or drain your time/energy/money.

-- You pick one activity a semester and say no to a lot.

-- You don't volunteer at school. No PTA etc.

I have 3 kids (10, 8 and 5). We both work FT, husband works out of the home 4 days a week with some flexibility and travels 1 week per month. I work from home and job is flexible. We have a nanny that picks up the kids from schools and takes them to all their activities.
At night, I put younger two to sleep at 7:45-8 and then head to older one at 8:15-8:30. I get to spend quality alone time with all the kids every night, but it’s only about 20 min each (they tell me about their day and we chat a bit).

Weekends revolve around kids activities, birthday parties, play dates, sleepovers, etc.

We travel 2-3 times a year to visit family abroad.

DH and I don’t have much time for ourselves, but we do spend at least a week two-three times a year alone without the kids (kids stay with grandparents).

We watch what we spend only because kids are in private school and while we make good money, we are not super wealthy.

Anonymous wrote:Personalities and needs of kids is super important consideration. 3 kids who have no learning disabilities and are self managed will be a breeze v 1-2 kids who aren't.

And to the PP who "prioritizes family over kids' social calendars" I am ROFL. Good luck with that when your kids hit MS. FYI Carpool is key!

Seriously though, 3 is really hard but if at least one parent has flex in their job and all 3 kids are easy in personalities, honestly it's just a logistical thing. It gets hard when there's more than school and activities to think about.

Definitely true. I'll be the first to admit, my three are not super-challenging, personality wise. My youngest is a baby and he is Mr. Chill. The older two are generally easygoing too. I think if one of my kids had presented a serious challenge in some way, we probably would have stopped at 2... or perhaps even 1. Luck of the draw, I suppose.

I'm not the PP referenced in your post, but when MS rolls around, or when the kids start getting involved in more sports, clubs, etc., I'm prepared to go down to part-time or even SAH. I have been a SAHM before and I enjoyed it a great deal, but we made the decision for me to go back to work several years ago. I'm not averse to going back to it. We do not have family in the area that can help out with childcare... my MIL is the closest distance-wise, but she has chronic health conditions and, mentally, cannot handle young children for longer than an hour or so. My FIL lives in a different area of the country and is not involved in the kids' lives at all. My parents live 5 hours away and come down to visit when they can, but my dad is dealing with some serious health issues himself and so they're not available at the moment either. So with all this, if one of us has to "lean out" of the workforce, it'll probably be me.

Anonymous wrote:I see and hear about so many 3-kid families, but most people I know have 0/1/2 kids. I just know two families with three -- one is very wealthy and has 2 sets of involved grandparents + nanny, the other has a stay at home mom.

So, if you have 3 kids and two FT careers, what is it like? Do you get enough time with each kid separately? Do your weekends and evenings end up being focused on the various' kids activities, splitting driving with spouse? How do you manage 3 sets of playdates and birthday parties? How do you make sure to have enough time just for you and spouse? Do you get to travel much? Do you get unstructured time to explore locally (new museums, hikes, restaurants, etc?)

Does this only work if you can get a 3rd person (Grandparents or nanny) and if both parents want to spend most of their free time on kid stuff?

Also, does it work best if you have the kids back to back so you are done with the early childhood years quicker?

From what I've seen, everyone gets the short end of the stick due to consequences of added work, stress, expense.

Anonymous wrote:If I ever have 3, I have a teenager and he pitches in a lot (and gets paid for it). But.something like 3 under 3 or 3 under 6. Ugh heck no. I couldn't do it. My friends with that also have a very chaotic life. It's hard to hang out with them and exhausting. Much better when it's just 1 or 2 of the kids.

Older child isn't child labor (free or paid). He needs to be a child, focus on study, have hobbies, play sports, make friends, sleep and rest, not become a nanny or house help because parents want to make more babies.

I have three (14,13,10) and 2 full time demanding jobs but able to work a lot from home. My youngest is not neurotypical but doesn’t have severe disabilities, but still has taken a lot more energy than the older two. We have grandparents involved and had a part time nanny when they were little.

It’s honestly been a blur, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. If I envy anyone, it’s mom’s of four kids who stay at home with no financial constraints. I love my crazy lively family and loud dinner table.

Things aren’t super organized nor are they super disorganized. My older two do travel sports. We make stuff work. It’s not terrible and the best kind of busy. Sure, I’m exhausted a lot. But sometimes I look back at my busiest years and they are my happiest years.

We have 3 and both of us work full time. One job is fully remote and the other is in office just a couple times a week but also very flexible. They are 9, 11, and 14. Kids are all neurotypical. We have no family nearby and we do not outsource anything except major house repairs. We split responsibilities including cooking.

House is very organized so everything has a place. We live near every thing we need to get to, walk to school and metro, and 5 min drive to groceries, doctors, etc. We teach the kids to be super independent early on so at this point, we don’t do anything for them to get ready for school or bed. Chores are still haphazardly done but that has more to do with travel sport schedules than unwillingness to do them. Their school had done a good job teaching them to keep track of their work and do their homework without reminding or help.

The most challenging part is getting them to their travel sports commitments but all music classes are done online to save on commute time. All other activities are only done if there is a nearby option. Older kid can take public transport alrdy so that helps a lot.

The most overwhelming part right now is not the logistics, it’s their constant bickering! They love and play hard, but they also fight hard! Hubby and I work out almost every day and I think that helps give us the mental and physical energy to keep up with them.

I would have more kids but hubby is done and financially, that’s the right decision.

Personalities and needs of kids is super important consideration. 3 kids who have no learning disabilities and are self managed will be a breeze v 1-2 kids who aren't.

And to the PP who "prioritizes family over kids' social calendars" I am ROFL. Good luck with that when your kids hit MS. FYI Carpool is key!

Seriously though, 3 is really hard but if at least one parent has flex in their job and all 3 kids are easy in personalities, honestly it's just a logistical thing. It gets hard when there's more than school and activities to think about.