Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an issue getting on a flight in Italy with my kids. My husband had boarded in front of us and a flight crew person had to go retrieve him for us to all board. When I travel with my kid(s) without my husband I take their official birth certificates.

This should be happening regardless of last name when traveling internationally. They want to make sure you are not abducting the child and have permission from the other parent to move them internationally.

Maybe, but I have traveled with my kids (without their father) to many different countries over 15 years and have never been questioned as to whether or not they are my kids. I've never taken birth certs or been asked for them.

You should carry a notarized letter for the day some official decides to demand it, which they can.

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing most of the people who have never had an issue are the same race as their husbands and kids.

I am a different race than my White husband. My kids are mixed, but look White. Having the same last name has saved me a ton of hassle in foreign countries, where I already get asked about my relationship to my own children.

For those women who think it's anti-feminist or whatever for me to change my name, maybe you should think about what it's like to not be White or to be in a mixed race marriage or to have chidlren who don't look like you before you pass judgment.

My kid looks nothing like either one of us. We each have different last names - kid has both our last names. Never been an issue.

Anonymous wrote:It's kind of exhausting to keep track of who are the parents of each kid my kid makes plans with.

You could say it's because phone books are missing useful features for coordinating members of a family, but one name per family, especially a unique name per family, is simpler.

Name changes can still occur for divorce, death and remarriage situations. How do you cope then?

I kept my name and we gave one of our kids my last name and one his. I figured that creative naming would be a source of headaches but it has caused precisely zero issues other than my husband and me each occasionally being addressed by the wrong last name by a school employee.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing most of the people who have never had an issue are the same race as their husbands and kids.

I am a different race than my White husband. My kids are mixed, but look White. Having the same last name has saved me a ton of hassle in foreign countries, where I already get asked about my relationship to my own children.

For those women who think it's anti-feminist or whatever for me to change my name, maybe you should think about what it's like to not be White or to be in a mixed race marriage or to have chidlren who don't look like you before you pass judgment.

DH and I are different races. I have not changed my name. Never experienced what you are taking about. It’s not about race, don’t make it.

Maybe not for you, but clearly for us. Sorry to burst your bubble, but sometimes it is about race. We spend a lot of vacations visiting family in the Middle East and North Africa where race has been a big issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing most of the people who have never had an issue are the same race as their husbands and kids.

I am a different race than my White husband. My kids are mixed, but look White. Having the same last name has saved me a ton of hassle in foreign countries, where I already get asked about my relationship to my own children.

For those women who think it's anti-feminist or whatever for me to change my name, maybe you should think about what it's like to not be White or to be in a mixed race marriage or to have chidlren who don't look like you before you pass judgment.

I posted earlier about the the only issue different names caused me was getting pool passes. My DH and I are of different races. I am white, our kids are mixed and look like their father.

I feel compelled to point out that being a 'feminist' is about choices. What name you use, what names your kids have should be a choice. What I find to be anti-feminist is the expectation that kids would only have their father's name, not if a woman changes her name upon marriage.

DP and moreover it's the expectation that the WOMAN changes her name. It's always so interesting how extremely rare it is to hear men say, I want to change my name to my wife's so that we all have the same last name. Or, I don't feel any ties to my last name so I decided to change it to hers. Or, my name is so hard to spell and pronounced I thought it would simplify things to take my wife's. All valid reasons. Why don't men take up the cause?

Maybe instead of making this a woman thing we need to start promoting the idea that MEN can change their names, too, and should more often think about it if it's important to a couple/family to have one last name. Make it a discussion between couples as to which one will change their name. Don't assume it has to be the woman. Toss a coin if you can't decide, and stick with the decision. When we get to the point where 50% of name changers are men, then it will seem like the patriarchy is no longer in play with this issue.

So men, step up! This is on you!

I’m married to another woman, and I changed my name because it was important to have it clear to the world that we were a family.

So now… people assume we’re sisters.

You can’t win. Everyone should do whatever brings them a tiny grain of pleasure.

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing most of the people who have never had an issue are the same race as their husbands and kids.

I am a different race than my White husband. My kids are mixed, but look White. Having the same last name has saved me a ton of hassle in foreign countries, where I already get asked about my relationship to my own children.

For those women who think it's anti-feminist or whatever for me to change my name, maybe you should think about what it's like to not be White or to be in a mixed race marriage or to have chidlren who don't look like you before you pass judgment.

DH and I are different races. I have not changed my name. Never experienced what you are taking about. It’s not about race, don’t make it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an issue getting on a flight in Italy with my kids. My husband had boarded in front of us and a flight crew person had to go retrieve him for us to all board. When I travel with my kid(s) without my husband I take their official birth certificates.

This should be happening regardless of last name when traveling internationally. They want to make sure you are not abducting the child and have permission from the other parent to move them internationally.

Maybe, but I have traveled with my kids (without their father) to many different countries over 15 years and have never been questioned as to whether or not they are my kids. I've never taken birth certs or been asked for them.

\

I have, too. I have a different last name than my kids and have literally never been asked.
My husband, on the other hand, is usually asked (same last name in their case).

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing most of the people who have never had an issue are the same race as their husbands and kids.

I am a different race than my White husband. My kids are mixed, but look White. Having the same last name has saved me a ton of hassle in foreign countries, where I already get asked about my relationship to my own children.

For those women who think it's anti-feminist or whatever for me to change my name, maybe you should think about what it's like to not be White or to be in a mixed race marriage or to have chidlren who don't look like you before you pass judgment.

I posted earlier about the the only issue different names caused me was getting pool passes. My DH and I are of different races. I am white, our kids are mixed and look like their father.

I feel compelled to point out that being a 'feminist' is about choices. What name you use, what names your kids have should be a choice. What I find to be anti-feminist is the expectation that kids would only have their father's name, not if a woman changes her name upon marriage.

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing most of the people who have never had an issue are the same race as their husbands and kids.

I am a different race than my White husband. My kids are mixed, but look White. Having the same last name has saved me a ton of hassle in foreign countries, where I already get asked about my relationship to my own children.

For those women who think it's anti-feminist or whatever for me to change my name, maybe you should think about what it's like to not be White or to be in a mixed race marriage or to have chidlren who don't look like you before you pass judgment.

I didn't change my name but would never judge someone who chose to do so. Your point is very valid and is definitely the best reason I've seen in this thread for changing your name. Thanks for sharing a different perspective.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an issue getting on a flight in Italy with my kids. My husband had boarded in front of us and a flight crew person had to go retrieve him for us to all board. When I travel with my kid(s) without my husband I take their official birth certificates.

This should be happening regardless of last name when traveling internationally. They want to make sure you are not abducting the child and have permission from the other parent to move them internationally.

Maybe, but I have traveled with my kids (without their father) to many different countries over 15 years and have never been questioned as to whether or not they are my kids. I've never taken birth certs or been asked for them.

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing most of the people who have never had an issue are the same race as their husbands and kids.

I am a different race than my White husband. My kids are mixed, but look White. Having the same last name has saved me a ton of hassle in foreign countries, where I already get asked about my relationship to my own children.

For those women who think it's anti-feminist or whatever for me to change my name, maybe you should think about what it's like to not be White or to be in a mixed race marriage or to have chidlren who don't look like you before you pass judgment.

I am the op and am white and my husband and kids are too. You have a very good point. thanky you

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name so that we all have the same name. It’s not due to serious logistical concerns, but to avoid the endless, minor corrections and clarifications throughout school and daycare years. I have a common first name with multiple common spellings and slight variations in pronunciation. I constantly have to say things like “yes, with an h” or clarify short or long vowel. I have been answering these questions for 40+ years. I married into a 12 letter, but thankfully phonetic, last name. I just could not bear dealing with my own first name, spelling out my husband/children’s name, AND explaining my name is different or hyphenated.

I know who I am and it doesn’t make me less of a feminist because I want my life to be simple.

totally your right and okay, we can accept this.
but again, you have the sense that you would need to do the endless converations -- but we are all telling you wouldnt

I'm guessing most of the people who have never had an issue are the same race as their husbands and kids.

I am a different race than my White husband. My kids are mixed, but look White. Having the same last name has saved me a ton of hassle in foreign countries, where I already get asked about my relationship to my own children.

For those women who think it's anti-feminist or whatever for me to change my name, maybe you should think about what it's like to not be White or to be in a mixed race marriage or to have chidlren who don't look like you before you pass judgment.