Anonymous wrote:What is with these arbitrary rules about what percent of the class must be invited. Getting excluded from a party because you are a bully is the natural consequence for this child’s behavior. I would feel zero guilt about leaving her out, and I would not exclude other friends from the party because of some arbitrary rule about less than 50 percent.

I have more sympathy for “mean girls” when they are in K and 1st and still learning. By 5th grade, you’ve had plenty of time to be taught appropriate social behavior.

Anonymous wrote:I would take the chickens@&t way out and schedule the party for a weekend that the girl was out of town. It would be easy enough to find out, “do you have any travel planned” is a typical small talk topic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to be kind

+1
Does being reciprocal mean align with your family's values?

I would invite her, because those are MY values, which are not dependent on others' behaviors. I would also not hesitate to correct her misbehavior if I see it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet are you on? Why does your 11 year old need to invite all the girls from the class? I seriously doubt your DD is good friends with all of them. The rule is you can invite half of the girls or maybe even 6/10 but you don’t just leave 1 out.

+1. The OP’s DD is probably using her party as a weapon to make the mean girl feel bad. Tit for rat!

She absolutely does not need to invite the girl, but she can also remove a handful of others from the guest list.

There is absolutely no reason to. Schools and random internet people should have no influence on who is or isn't invited to a kid's birthday party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet are you on? Why does your 11 year old need to invite all the girls from the class? I seriously doubt your DD is good friends with all of them. The rule is you can invite half of the girls or maybe even 6/10 but you don’t just leave 1 out.

+1. The OP’s DD is probably using her party as a weapon to make the mean girl feel bad. Tit for rat!

She absolutely does not need to invite the girl, but she can also remove a handful of others from the guest list.

Anonymous wrote:What is with these arbitrary rules about what percent of the class must be invited. Getting excluded from a party because you are a bully is the natural consequence for this child’s behavior. I would feel zero guilt about leaving her out, and I would not exclude other friends from the party because of some arbitrary rule about less than 50 percent.

I have more sympathy for “mean girls” when they are in K and 1st and still learning. By 5th grade, you’ve had plenty of time to be taught appropriate social behavior.

Anonymous wrote:What planet are you on? Why does your 11 year old need to invite all the girls from the class? I seriously doubt your DD is good friends with all of them. The rule is you can invite half of the girls or maybe even 6/10 but you don’t just leave 1 out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a bully at this age, and if my mother had forced me to invite her to my birthday, I would simply have declined having a party at all. Inviting this cruel child into my house would simply have given her more fodder to torment me with. People have gone nuts in the name of inclusion. This isn’t fair to your child, OP. Do not invite her.

Your parents needed to teach YOU better techniques to deal with her and to not become a target. That is where they went wrong. I had some girls target my daughter because she is a year younger than the class and she is tiny. I told her not to play with them and to snap back. For example one girl would say “you can’t play with us because you’re a baby”, then she would snap back “yes, I’m younger, but I’m the smartest one here. You’re just HUGE!”. Luckily the girl wasn’t overweight, but she was very tall. Snapping back actually gets the girls to stop, or at least in my daughter’s class. She’s still not friends with them, but it doesn’t really matter. We still invite them to our parties, and they never show, hmm wonder why. . .