Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a family of 4 and DH and I both work FT. I cook dinner for everyone 28 days per month and we get take out once night every other week. I also make everyone's breakfast most mornings unless the kids just want a bagel or yogurt or something else easy.

This morning, we've been up since 6am and kids ate then. DH and I haven't eaten yet. He just spent 30 mins in the kitchen sautéing vegetables and making a big omlette with a side of fresh fruit. Then proceeded to sit down and eat it all by himself, never even asking if I'd like something.

How can people be like this?

First part of your post - that’s your job.

Second part of the post - extremely rude and inconsiderate of him. Unless there is more to this

Um, what? They both work full time. Why is it her job to feed the family?

Anonymous wrote:This totally sounded like me 2 years ago. Then I just started opting out. I now have weekly evening commitments when DH has to handle dinners on his own. Weekends, I just stopped doing most meals. DH started doing a weekend grocery run to do some weekend meals, and at least one meal for during the week. Also, I started telling my kids that they were going to have to learn to pack their own lunches. Started with 1 day a week, and moved up each week, and now my oldest is independently packing lunches 4 days a week.

I also started telling my kids that they need to start learning how to do their own laundry. At first I helped them. Then slowly they have learned to do all the steps on their own.

Same. It old my kids they can either buy lunch or pack their own. They started looking at the school lunch menu and deciding when they wanted to pack vs buy. OP, no one is making you cook dinner 28 nights/month. Figure out what works for you, talk to your DH about it (or not) then do it. I can’t stand martyrs.

Anonymous wrote:We are a family of 4 and DH and I both work FT. I cook dinner for everyone 28 days per month and we get take out once night every other week. I also make everyone's breakfast most mornings unless the kids just want a bagel or yogurt or something else easy.

This morning, we've been up since 6am and kids ate then. DH and I haven't eaten yet. He just spent 30 mins in the kitchen sautéing vegetables and making a big omlette with a side of fresh fruit. Then proceeded to sit down and eat it all by himself, never even asking if I'd like something.

How can people be like this?

First part of your post - that’s your job.

Second part of the post - extremely rude and inconsiderate of him. Unless there is more to this

You know you have to make dinner for one tonight, right?

I would use the morning as a starting point in a conversation. Say how much it upset you because it made you realize how much you do to feed him and the family and he does not and you want more of an equal partnership. And that it showed a basic lack of consideration for you. Then let him respond. Go from there to slowly establish new routines and expectations.

I used to do a lot of the cooking (and other stuff) and started to get burn out and resentment. I scaled back and when dh would ask “what’s for dinner?” I would say “no idea. Do you have any thoughts?” (I also said directly can you handle dinner tomorrow etc).

Now he says “what should we do for dinner?” And we discuss what to have, who’s going to cook, etc. we don’t have a set schedule, we are too disorganized for that and have constantly changing schedules with work, classes,etc but it’s definitely now a shared responsibility.

Dh also does mornings (which now kids get themselves what they want but he’s up to make sure folks are on track and makes me coffee and will cook pancakes or eggs if requested). I sleep in more/drink coffee and am generally useless before 7 am. We cook/prep dinner together sometimes too—I make the main and he does the salad, etc. kids pitch in as well.

I think it’s also important to model this for your kids..that being said, dh grew up in a family where his mom worked f/t and cooked everything and parented while did dad was underemployed and gambled all their money away. Fortunately both dh and his brother do a ton with the kids, unlike their dad, and his brother is a great cook. They realized early in they had a crap dad.

Next time he starts cooking something: “hey, I haven’t eaten yet; please make some for me too.”

Separately, ask him to handle dinner 2x per week.