Anonymous
Post 12/12/2023 07:07     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
I don’t know what you mean by being smug. What does he do that bothers you? Does he say “having kids is so easy I don’t know what you were complaining about?”

In this case, just wait for the next phase or next baby. You know that no kid or family is always easy.
One of my closest friend was finally able to have her first (after years of IVF). I had my first 10 years ago and could not complain about anything with her because she kept telling me to think of single moms, or people having kids during wars. I bothered me so much, it hurt my feelings a lot and from my side, our friendship never completely recovered.

Her baby was easy at first and she was “smug”. Now he is not sleeping anymore and she complains and is always miserable. I empathize (unlike her with me), but secretly I am happy and hope she remembers how she treated me when I was in her shoes.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2023 06:58     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I haven’t read all the responses on here but just came to say that I really struggle to be friends with people like this as well, and generally just avoid people who can only discuss how wonderful their life is all the time. Sadly my sister is also like this and it has definitely put distance in our relationship.

So you only want to be friends with Eeyores?


There is a lot of space between that and “everything is wonderful and perfect at all times of every day and nothing is ever wrong.” Are you always deliberately obtuse?
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2023 02:17     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow, this blew up. A lot of PPs seem to ignore that there's a wide range between constant complaining and smugness, and most people fall into this range. Most people are positive without going overboard to project perfection. No one likes complainers OR braggarts.

I also had easy babies and a great nanny. However, I did not hide the tougher moments (usually shared them as funny stories rather than complaints). I have met very few people who go out of their way to constantly highlight how perfect and wonderful everything is, and yes, they are annoying and I did not pursue those friendships further.

I don't want my friend to be miserable (??), I am happy for him. I wanted to get them a present, and he was like, "Well, we've got everything, (wife) has so many other mom friends, there's nothing we could possibly need." And it kind of went downhill from there.


I am open to your perspective but your examples aren't very convincing. He is smug because he didn't want to burden you with a gift?
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2023 00:14     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
Anonymous wrote:I seldom say this op but this s you problem.
They aren't saying or doing anything wrong or being particularly smug.

The issue is you wanted to have a rub it in his face moment see I told you it was so hard. Now you get it .
You wanted to have your moment of being condescending and you aren't getting it.
So now they are smug.
You are a toxic person.
You are the ahole



Werd
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2023 22:13     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
I seldom say this op but this s you problem.
They aren't saying or doing anything wrong or being particularly smug.

The issue is you wanted to have a rub it in his face moment see I told you it was so hard. Now you get it .
You wanted to have your moment of being condescending and you aren't getting it.
So now they are smug.
You are a toxic person.
You are the ahole
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2023 22:10     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t assume they are being smug. My first baby was easy. She nursed well and slept for long stretches from about a month on. I had a lot of support from my mom who was very knowledgeable as she worked with newborn babies. Therefore, I would describe those first months as blissful. Now my 2nd baby cried a lot and didn’t sleep well so I also understand why the baby phase can be hard.


I was just grateful to be a parent after losing a child due to stillbirth. OP has no perspective. Maybe her friend went through something similar but didn't share. I certainly didn't share these experiences with "friends" who complained about parenthood constantly
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2023 22:01     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
I wouldn’t assume they are being smug. My first baby was easy. She nursed well and slept for long stretches from about a month on. I had a lot of support from my mom who was very knowledgeable as she worked with newborn babies. Therefore, I would describe those first months as blissful. Now my 2nd baby cried a lot and didn’t sleep well so I also understand why the baby phase can be hard.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2023 21:56     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
Anonymous wrote:I had a pretty easy baby. But she was an accidental pregnancy and the guy dumped me a week after we found out, and having a baby caused a lot of upheaval in my life. So thank goodness she was easy. Some babies are just easy. She's been a pretty good teenager too so I count my blessings!


You're so smug. I would have wanted you to talk to me smelling like vomit and asking me to buy you a fancy changing table from pottery barn kids.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2023 21:26     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
I had a pretty easy baby. But she was an accidental pregnancy and the guy dumped me a week after we found out, and having a baby caused a lot of upheaval in my life. So thank goodness she was easy. Some babies are just easy. She's been a pretty good teenager too so I count my blessings!
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2023 20:16     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow, this blew up. A lot of PPs seem to ignore that there's a wide range between constant complaining and smugness, and most people fall into this range. Most people are positive without going overboard to project perfection. No one likes complainers OR braggarts.

I also had easy babies and a great nanny. However, I did not hide the tougher moments (usually shared them as funny stories rather than complaints). I have met very few people who go out of their way to constantly highlight how perfect and wonderful everything is, and yes, they are annoying and I did not pursue those friendships further.

I don't want my friend to be miserable (??), I am happy for him. I wanted to get them a present, and he was like, "Well, we've got everything, (wife) has so many other mom friends, there's nothing we could possibly need." And it kind of went downhill from there.




At least they are bri g honest and not asking you to buy things they don’t need. Just get them a gift or donate in their name and shit up

Maybe they do t want to share with you because you are seen as whiny?
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2023 18:23     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow, this blew up. A lot of PPs seem to ignore that there's a wide range between constant complaining and smugness, and most people fall into this range. Most people are positive without going overboard to project perfection. No one likes complainers OR braggarts.

I also had easy babies and a great nanny. However, I did not hide the tougher moments (usually shared them as funny stories rather than complaints). I have met very few people who go out of their way to constantly highlight how perfect and wonderful everything is, and yes, they are annoying and I did not pursue those friendships further.

I don't want my friend to be miserable (??), I am happy for him. I wanted to get them a present, and he was like, "Well, we've got everything, (wife) has so many other mom friends, there's nothing we could possibly need." And it kind of went downhill from there.


You are the mom. He is the dad. I don’t think men share all the negatives of motherhood like the moms. DH never feels any guilt ever. He doesn’t get stressed out.

Your friend is allowed to be a happy dad. I know many doting fathers who don’t complain about their kids. There are other people who seem highly irritated all the time at their spouse, kids, everything.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2023 18:08     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
Some people are only happy if everyone else is miserable.

You sound like one of the people who says "Oh just you wait!" when someone comments positively about a situation. How annoying to need to bring everyone down with you.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2023 18:04     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
OP here. Wow, this blew up. A lot of PPs seem to ignore that there's a wide range between constant complaining and smugness, and most people fall into this range. Most people are positive without going overboard to project perfection. No one likes complainers OR braggarts.

I also had easy babies and a great nanny. However, I did not hide the tougher moments (usually shared them as funny stories rather than complaints). I have met very few people who go out of their way to constantly highlight how perfect and wonderful everything is, and yes, they are annoying and I did not pursue those friendships further.

I don't want my friend to be miserable (??), I am happy for him. I wanted to get them a present, and he was like, "Well, we've got everything, (wife) has so many other mom friends, there's nothing we could possibly need." And it kind of went downhill from there.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2023 15:58     Subject: Re:Friend being smug about new baby
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2023 15:37     Subject: Friend being smug about new baby
I got stuck on "their pregnancy" and couldn't finish reading. Was he pregnant and does he even know what's going on with the baby? Do people listen when men talk anymore? Why is this even on your radar?