Anonymous
Post 12/10/2023 13:39     Subject: MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave
Anonymous wrote:Ok, passive agressive is sinking to her level. You need to talk to your DH and you all need to sit down with her and make an exit plan.

Passive agressiveness will just have her become worse.


You have to fight fire with fire. You probably aren't familiar with a MIL who has a big extended family who she can complain to, then all these family members will be texting and calling her son (OP's husband) telling him not to be mean to his mother. If the MIL has nowhere else to stay where do you think she is going to go to? In that case I would be looking at houses that have a complete mother in law back house with a kitchen that is separate from the rest of the house.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2023 13:23     Subject: MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave
Ok, passive agressive is sinking to her level. You need to talk to your DH and you all need to sit down with her and make an exit plan.

Passive agressiveness will just have her become worse.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2023 13:22     Subject: MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave
Tell your husband the next time she screams at anyone in the house you are booking into a hotel and staying until he has her moved out elsewhere.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2023 13:16     Subject: MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave
The passive aggressive stuff is super fun. But for the screaming at you. That is serious. Do not leave YOUR house or retreat to your room. If she screams, go on mama bear mode and think I will not subject my child to this. Tell her that. Go to the front door and open it and tell her to leave until she has calmed down, Every Time.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2023 11:26     Subject: MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Buy some large totes. Box up the knick knacks and rugs and put all of that stuff in the garage for her new place. Pull the Home Goods paintings down and stack them in the garage. I hate that junk. IF she asks tell them they are ready to move into her new place.

Tell your husband she has until mid January.

START RUNNING THE VACUUM CLEANER DOWN THE HALL OUTSIDE OF HER BEDROOM DOOR AT 5:00 am, 5:30 am every morning. DO THIS ALSO OUTSIDE OF WHERE YOUR HUSBAND IS SLEEPING. DO THIS EVERY MORNING.

Your husband should be driving her around looking at places. I'd also get him names of extended stay places he can check out.


LOL I'm OP and tried something similar when she first got here, but this woman is ALWAYS up. I mean it could be 2am or 5am or 10am and she is UP and in my way. It's like she doesn't sleep.


OP, then do it in full view of her. Don’t be nasty but be no-nonsense. “These are not my taste and this is my home” as you drop them in a box…
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2023 10:13     Subject: MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave
I get where OP is coming from. The things that she describes about her MIL would drive me nuts too. But I gotta say I’m glad I have no sons and will never have to deal with DIL dramas.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2023 09:55     Subject: MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you guys celebrate Christmas? I would either box her stuff up when you roll out the Christmas decorations, or if it’s too late for that now, I’d box them up afterwards for a fresh start with the new year. I’d tell my husband either she’s leaving in January or I am.

It’s a rare case where you can have two women in one house. This is clearly not working.


OP here, this is maybe one thing that has me more angry than anything - I can't put up any decorations or even the tree because her sh*t is everywhere. I would love to box her stuff up and then put it out with a curb alert, but I am actually terrified of her. She has a terrible temper, and we all walk on eggshells around her. DH is also scared of her, which is why he allows this to go on. I am a very conflict-avoidant person, as having someone shout at me makes me literally shake and feel sick, and I just cannot stand up to her. I know it sounds like I'm a doormat - maybe I am - but I have been made to feel for so many years like I am the problem, and I just need to be friendlier and a better host.

Yes, she is from another culture. (Please don't everyone try to guess, it's not that common and you won't get it.) I am not from that culture, but it's hard to stand up to this stuff when every other person in the family sees me as the problem. And it is a really really big family. I don't want to leave my husband. We have been married 25 years and have a tween, and he's otherwise a great husband, plus financially it's not feasible for me. The fact that he is also unable to stand up to her, and that this puts him in such a bad situation and makes him unhappy, makes me want to be the bigger person and just put up with it for his sake, but there is a limit, and I feel like the limit is not that far away. For the record, this is not the first time she's done this, which is why I suspect it could go on for several more months at least (even though DH keeps assuring me it won't, based on no evidence I can see), which is why I am so anxious.


If you aren't confrontational you have to be passive aggressive and outfox your MIL. For example, you don't like the throw rugs then buy a walking boot and the next time she is out say you tripped on a throw rug and wear the boot for a couple of weeks. If you want to be really sneaky make an appointment with a podiatrist for inserts for your shoes so you actually have a paper trail. Tell the podiatrist you are having some foot or back pain. Now you have an excuse to pack up the rugs.

Take one piece of artwork off the wall when no one is looking and put it in your trunk. Take it to work and throw it away. Then act like you have no idea.

Eat before dinner away from the home using cash and say last time you ate your MIL's meal your stomach hurt so you don't want to eat dinner. Don't join your MIL for a meal. Buy ready made food like cereal or a nutrition bar instead.

Plan a visit to a friend or relative to get out of the house and then when you get back start talking to your husband how you want your relative or friend to visit you so you need to know when your MIL is leaving.

Are these things you could do? If so we can think of plenty of them. This is the only thing that works with my MIL. Being outright confrontational never works.


I'm OP - I like these ideas! I hadn't even thought of being passive aggressive - that's usually DH's job.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2023 09:49     Subject: MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave
Anonymous wrote:Buy some large totes. Box up the knick knacks and rugs and put all of that stuff in the garage for her new place. Pull the Home Goods paintings down and stack them in the garage. I hate that junk. IF she asks tell them they are ready to move into her new place.

Tell your husband she has until mid January.

START RUNNING THE VACUUM CLEANER DOWN THE HALL OUTSIDE OF HER BEDROOM DOOR AT 5:00 am, 5:30 am every morning. DO THIS ALSO OUTSIDE OF WHERE YOUR HUSBAND IS SLEEPING. DO THIS EVERY MORNING.

Your husband should be driving her around looking at places. I'd also get him names of extended stay places he can check out.


LOL I'm OP and tried something similar when she first got here, but this woman is ALWAYS up. I mean it could be 2am or 5am or 10am and she is UP and in my way. It's like she doesn't sleep.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2023 09:46     Subject: MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave
Go on a sex strike.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2023 09:05     Subject: MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave
Right now the only person this is not working for is you so there is no incentive for them to change. You need to make this a big issue for them and by doing that you need to make it uncomfortable for them to continue living this way. As someone said box up all of her stuff. If she leaves anything out even a magazine I would throw it away and say oh I thought it was garbage since it wasn't mine. I would talk to husband about a move out date. And I would be making sure to not make her feel as comfortable as you have Ben which means crappy meals and vacuums at 5:00 in the morning. Anything are doing for his mother at this time should be stopped and he will need to take it on.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2023 09:03     Subject: MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave
Use her credit card to rent a pod and put it in your driveway and put all of her stuff in there..... Hopefully she'll get sick enough of paying for the pod that she'll take the hint and move out.

But otherwise, yes, this is a husband problem. You need to sit down and have a firm date with a firm timeline of how you will reach that date. By the end of December she will have visited at least three apartment complexes.... January 15th she will have selected which one she wants to move into and sign the lease by the first of February. She will be moved in