Anonymous wrote:During COVID, my girls made their own “gym” in our basement and we watched YouTube videos so they could practice gymnastics skills. Now, we get to do gymnastics on Saturday mornings. We go to church on Sunday mornings. We sometimes have Cub Scout activities.

Definitely feel sorry for my girls, who play and do gymnastics and swim and go on camping trips and are making lifelong friendships and memories that don’t involve going to someone’s house. Go ahead and ring our doorbell, we’re at the U.S. Botanic Gardens with cousins, enjoying the holiday decor. Ring our doorbell, we’re axe throwing with Cub Scouts. Be so sad for us.

It’s cute how you thought this made you sound superior, when in reality, you just showcased your own insecurity.
DP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid will be a basic bum

I side eye this comment too, because it simply isn't true. I'm fact, I think activities can be a bit overrated.

Don't base your life around a book of fiction about the 1890s which was probably written with nostalgia and selective memory after the two world wars.

My grandparents lived then; while in some ways they had an simpler life, in many ways they did not. Kids often didn't graduate from high school and went to work in cities or on farms, there was a lot of death of siblings and parents from childhood diseases and bacterial infections.

I remember reading Caddie Woodlawn at 12 and longing for that life. It was a sweet story but it wasn't mine.

Anonymous wrote:The subtext in OPs post is a free range childhood is made possible by SAHMs and made safer by a network of other SAHMs. I guess we could all quit our jobs so our kids are available to play?

Not all kids that have free range childhoods have SAHMS. I never did, but we did have relatives near by and knew our neighbors.

Anonymous wrote:Your kid will be a basic bum

Anonymous wrote:People attack the tone of the OP because it absolves them of listening to the important message.

Are you really not concerned with the epidemic of child and teen anxiety? Obviously activities and long care hours are preferable to negligence, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about people with security and resources ignoring what would help their children be stronger and more stable adults because it’s easier to control, shelter and outsource

No. We attack the tone because the smug tone sucks. learn to deliver the message better, or keep it to yourself.

The message in broad strokes is fine, and it's heard fairly frequently. People have even acknowledged in this thread that taking those concerns into account is good.

Just don't be a dick about itto make yourself feel better. Just -- say it without the mid-1900s quotations and dirging violin.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up putting my kids in lots of activities because I realized all of the kids my kids want to play with are in extended day or other activities. There is literally nobody around for my kids to play with. It is sad.

Extended day is actually close to what OP seems to be looking for - unstructured play time with other kids, mostly outdoors as weather permits.

+1.

The kids in extended day at the elementary school close to my house have a lot if unstructured play.

It varies so much by school. We pulled our kid out of extended day because it was too much screen time and not enough free play. And the free play they had was poorly managed so kids with behavioral issues would just torment everyone else, which only drove the kids inside for the optional movie instead. Not worth it.

People complain about how parents rely too much on screens and structured activities to placate and control kids? Well guess what, schools and childcare facilities do this too. Turns out free play and independent exploration requires effort on the part of the adults minding the kids -- you have to be ready to answer questions, intervene when the play gets too rough, know how to handle a kid who is afraid or claims to be bored. Adults these days, including those working with young kids, often don't care to do this. They'd rather turn on a movie or engage them in a structured activity with rules (like "no talking in line" or "hands to yourself").

If we want to change how kids are being raised these days, especially regarding free play and screen time, we should probably start with education and childcare and adopt models currently considered more niche -- Montessori, Waldorf, Reggio Emilio, etc. All of which emphasize independence and limited technology exposure.

The subtext in OPs post is a free range childhood is made possible by SAHMs and made safer by a network of other SAHMs. I guess we could all quit our jobs so our kids are available to play?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up putting my kids in lots of activities because I realized all of the kids my kids want to play with are in extended day or other activities. There is literally nobody around for my kids to play with. It is sad.

Extended day is actually close to what OP seems to be looking for - unstructured play time with other kids, mostly outdoors as weather permits.

+1.

The kids in extended day at the elementary school close to my house have a lot if unstructured play.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, the knots some insecure parents of only kids will twist themselves into to fee better about their child’s loneliness and boredom.

Wow there are still people out there who think "having a sibling" rescues you from loneliness and boredom. Lol.

My sibling never played with me and was/is nasty and a bully. Siblings aren't always better.

My sibling is my best friend. It really is a crapshoot!

People attack the tone of the OP because it absolves them of listening to the important message.

Are you really not concerned with the epidemic of child and teen anxiety? Obviously activities and long care hours are preferable to negligence, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about people with security and resources ignoring what would help their children be stronger and more stable adults because it’s easier to control, shelter and outsource

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, the knots some insecure parents of only kids will twist themselves into to fee better about their child’s loneliness and boredom.

Wow there are still people out there who think "having a sibling" rescues you from loneliness and boredom. Lol.

My sibling never played with me and was/is nasty and a bully. Siblings aren't always better.

Agreed. I'm the PP, have three siblings, and think it's comical that anyone thinks the key to a happy childhood is siblings.

Interestingly, I did have something resembling the childhood OP is longing for, with a safe neighborhood and the freedom to wander and climb trees and get dirty, and I did all those things. But because I came from a pretty dysfunctional family with a lot of capital-I Issues, I don't idealize those aspects of my childhood. The thing I needed most was more love and attention. I really don't think it would have mattered that much if it came in the form of parents who took me hiking or to stay on a farm during holidays and left me to my own devices, or parents who signed me up for a bunch of activities based on my interests. I actually think either way I would have been better off, because I would have had parents who seemed to care about my well being and hopefully had better mental health than my actual parents.

I really don't think it's siblings or time outside that makes kids happy. They don't hurt, and limiting screen time does seem like a good idea, but I think the key to giving your child a happy childhood and a good start in life is just giving a damn and then doing what you can with the resources at your disposal.

Moderate activities don't usually eat up much time for kids under 10. It's the driving back and forth if you live far away from activities.

RSM is 2.5 hours a week including homework. Piano is 1.5 hours a week including 10 minute daily practice( my 8 year old will not even practice 10 minutes a day but she wants to keep wasting my money by refusing to drop the piano class, and that's fine.)
Swim is 3 hours a week.

Swim meets are once a month, and the actual swim time is minimal. These kids spend the entire time in unstructured play while waiting for their events. My 8 year old has been so distracted by play at events that she has missed her event a couple of times.

Add in 15 minutes a day of school work.

So we are looking at about an hour 15 minutes a day.of structured activities. There is still at least 2 hours left a day for unstructured play.

And the weekends have much more free time. My kids play all day on the weekends.
Now if you live far away from activities and spend a lot of time driving back and forth, then the kids may have little free time. We chose activities that were 5 -10 minutes from our house.

I had a wonderful childhood full of unstructured play, but I had to do Math class 3 times a week and youth religious classes 3 times a week. The key to having free time was proximity of those activities to our house. We never had any activities we couldn't easily walk to.

Anonymous wrote:It’s bizarre how defensive people are about this. Any mental health professional will tell you that OP’s version of childhood beats daycare from 3 months, extended day, organized activities every weekend and on and on.

It’s not about optimization. It’s about giving your kids and their nervous systems the best chance amidst a youth mental health crisis. It’s about resisting all the commercialism and trends.

Sad that this is considered some sort of fancy or condescending perspective. It’s like the people who think organic food is pretentious. All food should be organic or at least not hyper processed. I guess it makes people who overschedule their kids and feed them junk feel better. At least we’re not pretentious!

Your mental health provider sucks.

A child is best off with a loving parent or parents who support their needs. Being scheduled for most kids is a good thing as structure, routine and being able to explore your interests is positive in terms of child development. For some kids, it's far better to be in day care than at home depending on your home life. Not all parents enjoy or want to do that day to day parenting. Just like OP. They don't want to be bothered so they justify free range and don't care if their kids have interests and may benefit from classes or outside teaching.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, the knots some insecure parents of only kids will twist themselves into to fee better about their child’s loneliness and boredom.

Wow there are still people out there who think "having a sibling" rescues you from loneliness and boredom. Lol.

My sibling never played with me and was/is nasty and a bully. Siblings aren't always better.