Anonymous wrote:I've told this story on DCUM before, but sometimes, as a woman, especially if you're young, you need to stand up for yourself and just kick these people right back.

When I was super young I had a much older male colleague that screamed. He stomped into my cube one day and started screaming at me. I had enough of his crap, so I picked up a binder that was on my desk, threw it at him and screamed right back. He said he was going to my boss, who was standing in the hallway and heard it all. That guy never bothered me again, and, a few weeks later, he was gone.

Nothing happened to me. Now, this was 20ish years ago, but sometimes you have be the jerk back.

I took a different approach, I started calling in sick frequently and come in with a couch half the time, still did my work and made a lot of noise how much I did, and act very grumpy and depressed around this person. Eventually he got fed up and paid me 3 month pay to leave. This works with small private companies.

I would start recording the screaming OP.

Would also wear noise cancelling earbuds and listen to podcasts or music all day long.

You know you are a short timer, so start playing games. You get bingo and get to buy a special treat when you count x number of insane things. I would just skip the holiday luncheon and even stay at work. Tell them you would rather work thru lunch.

This really does sound like state or city employment, as I've had similar situations. It's about butts in desks on a set time schedule and nothing else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've told this story on DCUM before, but sometimes, as a woman, especially if you're young, you need to stand up for yourself and just kick these people right back.

When I was super young I had a much older male colleague that screamed. He stomped into my cube one day and started screaming at me. I had enough of his crap, so I picked up a binder that was on my desk, threw it at him and screamed right back. He said he was going to my boss, who was standing in the hallway and heard it all. That guy never bothered me again, and, a few weeks later, he was gone.

Nothing happened to me. Now, this was 20ish years ago, but sometimes you have be the jerk back.

Op here. I didn’t go this far, but I did tell him calmly a couple months ago that he was not being helpful and that I needed to go. He didn’t stop screaming. I said it again. He didn’t stop screaming. I grabbed my keys and purse and walked out. He tried to stop me and I ignored him.

He reported me to his boss and I lost my bonus. They didn’t believe me when I said he was screaming at me and that it wasn’t the first time.

For future reference, losing your bonus over that is definitely worth going to EEO.

You could consider taking unpaid FMLA for a few months for anxiety so you can search and a new job while still being technically employed.

Op here. I probably should have gone to the EEO. It might not be too late.

I don’t think I can take FMLA because I took it from late December-early March this year already.

This is your protected reason, OP. Your boss is retaliating against you (hostile work environment and cancelling your bonus) for taking protected leave, and maternity leave at that. March directly to the EEO office and file a complaint. They have 30 days to accept the complaint during which management will avoid you at all costs because retaliation against an eeo complaint is also a huge no-no. That can buy you time til Jan 2. I’m so sorry OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5 years for retirement to vest def sounds like government.

You just gotta grind OP. This will be in the rear view soon. Are there things you can look forward to each week?

If it's government, the holiday party is optional. Also, it takes more than 6 weeks to fire someone for anything other than gross misconduct. Show up, do some work, clock out and forget about the day

I’m thinking this too, usually in government unless you do something very bad they have to PIP you, right? And wait for that clock to run out?

I would just do the bare minimum. I’m in tech and sticking it out until certain dates (when your stock vests, when you get certain bonuses etc.) is very common. The ideal situation is to get severance and laid off (or to volunteer for a layoff) when you’re about to get another job, but that’s difficult timing-wise and probably not a possibility in government.

Op here. Not Govt. The party is 100% mandatory and in 5 years I’ve never seen a single employee skip it.

I’m not on a PIP but they’ve made it pretty crystal clear they want me gone.

it is a local college, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5 years for retirement to vest def sounds like government.

You just gotta grind OP. This will be in the rear view soon. Are there things you can look forward to each week?

If it's government, the holiday party is optional. Also, it takes more than 6 weeks to fire someone for anything other than gross misconduct. Show up, do some work, clock out and forget about the day

I’m thinking this too, usually in government unless you do something very bad they have to PIP you, right? And wait for that clock to run out?

I would just do the bare minimum. I’m in tech and sticking it out until certain dates (when your stock vests, when you get certain bonuses etc.) is very common. The ideal situation is to get severance and laid off (or to volunteer for a layoff) when you’re about to get another job, but that’s difficult timing-wise and probably not a possibility in government.

Op here. Not Govt. The party is 100% mandatory and in 5 years I’ve never seen a single employee skip it.

I’m not on a PIP but they’ve made it pretty crystal clear they want me gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5 years for retirement to vest def sounds like government.

You just gotta grind OP. This will be in the rear view soon. Are there things you can look forward to each week?

If it's government, the holiday party is optional. Also, it takes more than 6 weeks to fire someone for anything other than gross misconduct. Show up, do some work, clock out and forget about the day

I’m thinking this too, usually in government unless you do something very bad they have to PIP you, right? And wait for that clock to run out?

I would just do the bare minimum. I’m in tech and sticking it out until certain dates (when your stock vests, when you get certain bonuses etc.) is very common. The ideal situation is to get severance and laid off (or to volunteer for a layoff) when you’re about to get another job, but that’s difficult timing-wise and probably not a possibility in government.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've told this story on DCUM before, but sometimes, as a woman, especially if you're young, you need to stand up for yourself and just kick these people right back.

When I was super young I had a much older male colleague that screamed. He stomped into my cube one day and started screaming at me. I had enough of his crap, so I picked up a binder that was on my desk, threw it at him and screamed right back. He said he was going to my boss, who was standing in the hallway and heard it all. That guy never bothered me again, and, a few weeks later, he was gone.

Nothing happened to me. Now, this was 20ish years ago, but sometimes you have be the jerk back.

Op here. I didn’t go this far, but I did tell him calmly a couple months ago that he was not being helpful and that I needed to go. He didn’t stop screaming. I said it again. He didn’t stop screaming. I grabbed my keys and purse and walked out. He tried to stop me and I ignored him.

He reported me to his boss and I lost my bonus. They didn’t believe me when I said he was screaming at me and that it wasn’t the first time.

You need to not walk away. In that moment if he is insulting your character you yell right back at him or email his boss and dictate what he is saying to you. You won't be there on Jan. 2. This is the perfect time to work on standing up for yourself. Today write out what you want to say if he comes in and personally attacks you. Let us know what he says and we will help you write it. You tape it to your desk and once he starts in you yell louder. The trick is NOT stopping. Bullies try to talk over you, so you can't pause you continue to say what you wrote. When in doubt you yell as loud as you can, "I am competent at this job. Everyday I come to work and work hard and do a good job"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've told this story on DCUM before, but sometimes, as a woman, especially if you're young, you need to stand up for yourself and just kick these people right back.

When I was super young I had a much older male colleague that screamed. He stomped into my cube one day and started screaming at me. I had enough of his crap, so I picked up a binder that was on my desk, threw it at him and screamed right back. He said he was going to my boss, who was standing in the hallway and heard it all. That guy never bothered me again, and, a few weeks later, he was gone.

Nothing happened to me. Now, this was 20ish years ago, but sometimes you have be the jerk back.

Op here. I didn’t go this far, but I did tell him calmly a couple months ago that he was not being helpful and that I needed to go. He didn’t stop screaming. I said it again. He didn’t stop screaming. I grabbed my keys and purse and walked out. He tried to stop me and I ignored him.

He reported me to his boss and I lost my bonus. They didn’t believe me when I said he was screaming at me and that it wasn’t the first time.

For future reference, losing your bonus over that is definitely worth going to EEO.

You could consider taking unpaid FMLA for a few months for anxiety so you can search and a new job while still being technically employed.

Op here. I probably should have gone to the EEO. It might not be too late.

I don’t think I can take FMLA because I took it from late December-early March this year already.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've told this story on DCUM before, but sometimes, as a woman, especially if you're young, you need to stand up for yourself and just kick these people right back.

When I was super young I had a much older male colleague that screamed. He stomped into my cube one day and started screaming at me. I had enough of his crap, so I picked up a binder that was on my desk, threw it at him and screamed right back. He said he was going to my boss, who was standing in the hallway and heard it all. That guy never bothered me again, and, a few weeks later, he was gone.

Nothing happened to me. Now, this was 20ish years ago, but sometimes you have be the jerk back.

Op here. I didn’t go this far, but I did tell him calmly a couple months ago that he was not being helpful and that I needed to go. He didn’t stop screaming. I said it again. He didn’t stop screaming. I grabbed my keys and purse and walked out. He tried to stop me and I ignored him.

He reported me to his boss and I lost my bonus. They didn’t believe me when I said he was screaming at me and that it wasn’t the first time.

For future reference, losing your bonus over that is definitely worth going to EEO.

You could consider taking unpaid FMLA for a few months for anxiety so you can search and a new job while still being technically employed.

OP better never have any REAL problems in her life. She’d never be able to handle them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've told this story on DCUM before, but sometimes, as a woman, especially if you're young, you need to stand up for yourself and just kick these people right back.

When I was super young I had a much older male colleague that screamed. He stomped into my cube one day and started screaming at me. I had enough of his crap, so I picked up a binder that was on my desk, threw it at him and screamed right back. He said he was going to my boss, who was standing in the hallway and heard it all. That guy never bothered me again, and, a few weeks later, he was gone.

Nothing happened to me. Now, this was 20ish years ago, but sometimes you have be the jerk back.

Op here. I didn’t go this far, but I did tell him calmly a couple months ago that he was not being helpful and that I needed to go. He didn’t stop screaming. I said it again. He didn’t stop screaming. I grabbed my keys and purse and walked out. He tried to stop me and I ignored him.

He reported me to his boss and I lost my bonus. They didn’t believe me when I said he was screaming at me and that it wasn’t the first time.

Also, if he is physically blocking you from getting up and getting away from him, you should threaten to call the police. This guy sounds unhinged.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've told this story on DCUM before, but sometimes, as a woman, especially if you're young, you need to stand up for yourself and just kick these people right back.

When I was super young I had a much older male colleague that screamed. He stomped into my cube one day and started screaming at me. I had enough of his crap, so I picked up a binder that was on my desk, threw it at him and screamed right back. He said he was going to my boss, who was standing in the hallway and heard it all. That guy never bothered me again, and, a few weeks later, he was gone.

Nothing happened to me. Now, this was 20ish years ago, but sometimes you have be the jerk back.

Op here. I didn’t go this far, but I did tell him calmly a couple months ago that he was not being helpful and that I needed to go. He didn’t stop screaming. I said it again. He didn’t stop screaming. I grabbed my keys and purse and walked out. He tried to stop me and I ignored him.

He reported me to his boss and I lost my bonus. They didn’t believe me when I said he was screaming at me and that it wasn’t the first time.

Ugh, OP, I'm sorry. They're shitbags. How much sick leave and PTO do you have left for the year. Maybe we can get you through by looking at the dates.

Anonymous wrote:I've told this story on DCUM before, but sometimes, as a woman, especially if you're young, you need to stand up for yourself and just kick these people right back.

When I was super young I had a much older male colleague that screamed. He stomped into my cube one day and started screaming at me. I had enough of his crap, so I picked up a binder that was on my desk, threw it at him and screamed right back. He said he was going to my boss, who was standing in the hallway and heard it all. That guy never bothered me again, and, a few weeks later, he was gone.

Nothing happened to me. Now, this was 20ish years ago, but sometimes you have be the jerk back.

Op here. I didn’t go this far, but I did tell him calmly a couple months ago that he was not being helpful and that I needed to go. He didn’t stop screaming. I said it again. He didn’t stop screaming. I grabbed my keys and purse and walked out. He tried to stop me and I ignored him.

He reported me to his boss and I lost my bonus. They didn’t believe me when I said he was screaming at me and that it wasn’t the first time.

I've told this story on DCUM before, but sometimes, as a woman, especially if you're young, you need to stand up for yourself and just kick these people right back.

When I was super young I had a much older male colleague that screamed. He stomped into my cube one day and started screaming at me. I had enough of his crap, so I picked up a binder that was on my desk, threw it at him and screamed right back. He said he was going to my boss, who was standing in the hallway and heard it all. That guy never bothered me again, and, a few weeks later, he was gone.

Nothing happened to me. Now, this was 20ish years ago, but sometimes you have be the jerk back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why have you not been to HR? Nobody should scream at anybody in a professional setting. Document, document, document...

Op here. My understanding is that it’s not illegal for a boss to be a jerk. It’s only illegal if they are bullying you for a protected reason. So him yelling at me for being an idiot is not protected, but if he called me a racial slur it would be.

I might be wrong. I did go to my leadership on this but they backed him 100% and tried to get me to resign and things have been bad for me ever since.

So say he is bullying you for being a women. Learn to stand up for yourself.

Op here. I mean, I think that is likely but how can I prove it? When I went to leadership about his bullying they didn’t believe that it happened at all. This guy kisses up and kicks down so they all think he’s a sweetheart.

You go to EEO, not leadership.