Anonymous
Post 12/06/2023 22:09     Subject: PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
There's a 4 y/o kid at my son's jiujitsu class that is like this. Punching kids in the face, tipping fall mats over kids, etc. The coaches are always putting him in time out, talking to the parents, etc. about his behavior. I don't know how they have been responding to the feedback, but his behavior does not seem to be improving.
1SWMom
Post 12/06/2023 07:09     Subject: PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
Comfont them and if not new daycare. Maybe a Waldorf environment.
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2023 10:29     Subject: PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
Anonymous wrote:Maybe this day care is not a good fit?


Thai is the answer. Sounds like he needs to be at an outdoor play focused school. I know it’s hard to find a full day pre-school with an outdoor focus but I’d try!
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2023 10:26     Subject: PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
Anonymous wrote:DS is 4 and has been at his daycare since he was 18 months. He definitely fits the stereotype of a little boy in about a hundred ways: loves to wrestle with dad, can spend the whole day playing outside, tackles the dog, wants to run/jump/swim/bike all the time. (This does not come from me! I am a liberal introvert who thought gender stereotypes were goofy! I tried to give him dolls and sewing…) He LOVES teachers and other adults and is generally good natured to other kids and adults. He is very outgoing and friendly. He loves reading and can play independently (especially outside, but also does 1.5 hours of rest time alone in his room on the weekends).

Last year and this year his teachers have brought up that he is too rambunctious, “too loud in the morning,” “wants to be the teacher all the time,” and “too competitive.” I don’t disagree with their assessment, but this has started to spiral out of control. When we ask about his day at pickup, his teachers almost always have a negative thing in their report, such as he was roughhousing, didn’t listen, etc. This week he cried on the way home because he said he can never get good reports. My question is what exactly to do with this information. I really like his teachers generally; most have been at the school for a long time. But their suggestions seem kinda weird. His teacher last year said she made him run laps outside and suggested we buy him a weighted backpack so he will get tired faster. His teacher this year said he should sign up for karate. Is this the solution?

In the past, we have had him write an apology letter to teachers, revoked privileges after very bad reports (especially roughhousing), etc. I want to support the teacher and have him fit better but I don’t know what that looks like. Any suggestions?


Take that info and sit down with your husband (or child's father) and do a lot of self reflection. Children mirror their parents behavior. Start with yourself and see if you can improve in this area, child's behavior will follow.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 21:48     Subject: PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
The teacher suggestions aren't weird if you understand what they are getting at. His behavior is sensory seeking, his nervous system is dysregulated, so the activities they are suggesting are the kinds of things you do to engage the nervous system so he can calm himself down. Some call it "heavy work." Google ideas for heavy work that engages the out of control nervous system.

https://yourkidstable.com/heavy-work-activities/
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 21:08     Subject: PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP again. My DH does drop off and pick up. I think the details of my commute and work hours are pretty boring but I leave the house at 7 and return at 4:30.

My sons are 8, 6, and 4. All of them participate in athletics, are over 100th percentile in height, etc. They are hilarious and fun! All are outgoing, opinionated, and loud. Big personalities all around, including DH. But of course we always emphasize listening to adults, being calm inside, and only playing rough when all parties agree.

I will look into karate for DS4. I hesitate to overschedule at his age, though. We don’t get this feedback from coaches, Sunday school teachers, or other adults, so I think it’s just being at school with no outlet in the mornings until playground time mid-morning.


That's a long day for a teacher.

It sounds like you need to double down on the listen to adults, being calm, and playing rough only when all agree because he's not getting the message and hasn't been for a while.

Another benefit of karate is the focus on self discipline which should help him as well.

Good luck.


😂 That’s a normal day for a teacher who is fortunate enough to live a reasonable distance from their school.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 20:48     Subject: Re:PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
Have you considered having him work with an OT to manage his need to move, be loud, etc? It kind of sounds to me like your kids' teachers are telling you, without telling you, that they think he has ADHD. An OT can help.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 10:26     Subject: PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
Anonymous wrote:DS is 4 and has been at his daycare since he was 18 months. He definitely fits the stereotype of a little boy in about a hundred ways: loves to wrestle with dad, can spend the whole day playing outside, tackles the dog, wants to run/jump/swim/bike all the time. (This does not come from me! I am a liberal introvert who thought gender stereotypes were goofy! I tried to give him dolls and sewing…) He LOVES teachers and other adults and is generally good natured to other kids and adults. He is very outgoing and friendly. He loves reading and can play independently (especially outside, but also does 1.5 hours of rest time alone in his room on the weekends).

Last year and this year his teachers have brought up that he is too rambunctious, “too loud in the morning,” “wants to be the teacher all the time,” and “too competitive.” I don’t disagree with their assessment, but this has started to spiral out of control. When we ask about his day at pickup, his teachers almost always have a negative thing in their report, such as he was roughhousing, didn’t listen, etc. This week he cried on the way home because he said he can never get good reports. My question is what exactly to do with this information. I really like his teachers generally; most have been at the school for a long time. But their suggestions seem kinda weird. His teacher last year said she made him run laps outside and suggested we buy him a weighted backpack so he will get tired faster. His teacher this year said he should sign up for karate. Is this the solution?

In the past, we have had him write an apology letter to teachers, revoked privileges after very bad reports (especially roughhousing), etc. I want to support the teacher and have him fit better but I don’t know what that looks like. Any suggestions?


I think you need more information from the teachers to help problem solve. At what time of day do these behaviors occur? What happens right before them? Is there a pattern?

Once you know that, you can work with the teachers on specific solutions and ways to channel his energy into positive behaviors.
- Does he need to know how long a particular activity is going to last?
- Does he need more heavy work/a job to do at certain times of day?
- Are they “catching him being good”?

You could also see if you can change up your morning routine to give him more heavy work/proprioreceptive input at home. Think wheelbarrows across the house instead of walking. Carrying books or baskets upstairs. Morning calisthenics. A swing in your basement. A mini-trampoline. Things like that.


Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 09:58     Subject: Re:PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
Anonymous wrote:Teach him to keep his hands to himself. He can't rough house (aka push, run into, wrestle, tackle) others if he isn't touching them. Stop this sort of play at home with dad and leave the dog alone.


OP, you have said that your kid is the youngest of three boys. I assume your other boys were able to figure out when rough housing is appropriate and when it isn't. Your youngest is different. Ideally you stop all rough housing at home.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 09:42     Subject: Re:PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
good, support this behavior
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 01:03     Subject: PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You mentioned the apology letters in the past, but do you do anything else? How is he on weekends with other kids? Does he rough house with them ( it's hard to imagine this is a school only trend)? Watch him closely on the playground and step in and correct him when he is being too rough or no letting other kids have turns.

You said you are a teacher so I'm sure you can sympathize with the teachers in this situation. They probably have concerns that other kids will get hurt or don't get to contribute in class.


OP here. I completely sympathize with the teacher! We go to the playground often and his behavior is totally within the realm of normal 4 year old. PPs suggesting my kid doesn’t know how to “treat living beings” are hilarious!!! I was you!! Now I have three boys.


I have three boys and they are not allowed to tackle the dog.


+1. I have threw girls and they would never tackle our toughly touch our dogs. The roughhouse with one another but have appropriate boundaries - so not at school. My eldest is also four and I have twin two year olds. Do not tell me this is a gender thing. This is about appropriate boundaries. OP you sound very invested in your liberal mom with a “real boy” shtick. You voting for Obama does not mean that you get to pull the boys will be boys card. And FYI roughhousing with the dog is a good way for your kid to get bitten. It won’t be as funny when he has a bunch of stitches on his face.


DP. This is utterly absurd. All kids have energy and most boys at 4 are indeed like puppies and like to roughhouse. As long as nobody gets hurt and they all enjoy it, it’s great.

The problem is the school. Teaching kids to observe boundaries is actually the school’s job. If the school cannot handle behavior that is within the range of developmentally normal, it’s a bad school. OP should not waste another second there.


Nope. Sorry. Your job, Mama Bear (and Paoa Bear too, if applicable).


It’s not though. School is not home. The school needs to know how to set boundaries at school. Home can reinforce school behaviors but this school is not engaging at all in a way that would effectuate that connection. You can’t punish a 4 year old for something he did 6 hrs before in a different place - especially when some of that n
behavior doesn’t even seem like it needs a punishment.

This is an inept school bad for your kid OP. Get him out.


It is, though. Kids learn how to behave, including in public, by the direction and boundaries taught by their PARENTS. Ever wonder why this supposedly “inept” teacher isn’t having this problem with all of the other kids in the classmates including the others with with — gasp — XY chromosomes?

Because OP is too busy waving away her kid’s negative (yes, negative) behavior with a litany of excuses.


Just wait til YOU have the loud kid … trust me, your kid isn’t good in preschool because you have magic parenting skills. kids have different temperaments and some that are fine at home are not at school. and at the end of the day even if it was theoretically all OP’s fault, there STILL is not anything that OP alone could do. There actually are quite good ways to teach kiddos proper behavior in school, including through consistent home-school communication. but notably all the school is doing is focusing on complaining. this is a bad school with no plan about how to address behavior that is still within normal ranges. this isn’t a kid who is hitting, running away, hiding under a table …


Dp. How do you know the school is only complaining?

OP is the one asking about how the kid did at the end of the day. If a parent asks how the kids day went, naturally the teacher is going to discuss any incidents.

That doesn't mean that the teachers did nothing in the moment to address the issues, or that they expect OP all alone to address these issues.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 23:39     Subject: PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
This preschool needs way more free playtime
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 22:32     Subject: PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You mentioned the apology letters in the past, but do you do anything else? How is he on weekends with other kids? Does he rough house with them ( it's hard to imagine this is a school only trend)? Watch him closely on the playground and step in and correct him when he is being too rough or no letting other kids have turns.

You said you are a teacher so I'm sure you can sympathize with the teachers in this situation. They probably have concerns that other kids will get hurt or don't get to contribute in class.


OP here. I completely sympathize with the teacher! We go to the playground often and his behavior is totally within the realm of normal 4 year old. PPs suggesting my kid doesn’t know how to “treat living beings” are hilarious!!! I was you!! Now I have three boys.


I have three boys and they are not allowed to tackle the dog.


+1. I have threw girls and they would never tackle our toughly touch our dogs. The roughhouse with one another but have appropriate boundaries - so not at school. My eldest is also four and I have twin two year olds. Do not tell me this is a gender thing. This is about appropriate boundaries. OP you sound very invested in your liberal mom with a “real boy” shtick. You voting for Obama does not mean that you get to pull the boys will be boys card. And FYI roughhousing with the dog is a good way for your kid to get bitten. It won’t be as funny when he has a bunch of stitches on his face.


DP. This is utterly absurd. All kids have energy and most boys at 4 are indeed like puppies and like to roughhouse. As long as nobody gets hurt and they all enjoy it, it’s great.

The problem is the school. Teaching kids to observe boundaries is actually the school’s job. If the school cannot handle behavior that is within the range of developmentally normal, it’s a bad school. OP should not waste another second there.


Nope. Sorry. Your job, Mama Bear (and Paoa Bear too, if applicable).


It’s not though. School is not home. The school needs to know how to set boundaries at school. Home can reinforce school behaviors but this school is not engaging at all in a way that would effectuate that connection. You can’t punish a 4 year old for something he did 6 hrs before in a different place - especially when some of that n
behavior doesn’t even seem like it needs a punishment.

This is an inept school bad for your kid OP. Get him out.


The school is telling him and his mother DAILY that he is not doing a good job of observing boundaries. What do you want them to do aside from trying to curtail his behavior at school and reporting DAILY that he is not following expectations. Again, when you let your child tackle your poor defenseless dog and then say "but we don't give him sugar so we don't know why he doesn't understand boundaries" you are being obtuse. OP you are setting your child up to fail and then getting mad at the school for telling him he's failing. You should be mad at yourself. You are failing your child. And this boys will be boys stuff is beyond. When should we start having the same expectations for boys and girls? 7? 10? 12? 18? 36? Never?
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 22:05     Subject: PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
OP, is there something he can do by himself outside before DH takes him to school? Maybe run sprints back and forth. Something to take the edge off before he gets to school.

I am from a family of high energy people and we all exercise in some capacity before school back in the day and now before work.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 22:01     Subject: PTC: DS is “too loud” and “too competitive”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You mentioned the apology letters in the past, but do you do anything else? How is he on weekends with other kids? Does he rough house with them ( it's hard to imagine this is a school only trend)? Watch him closely on the playground and step in and correct him when he is being too rough or no letting other kids have turns.

You said you are a teacher so I'm sure you can sympathize with the teachers in this situation. They probably have concerns that other kids will get hurt or don't get to contribute in class.


OP here. I completely sympathize with the teacher! We go to the playground often and his behavior is totally within the realm of normal 4 year old. PPs suggesting my kid doesn’t know how to “treat living beings” are hilarious!!! I was you!! Now I have three boys.


I have three boys and they are not allowed to tackle the dog.


+1. I have threw girls and they would never tackle our toughly touch our dogs. The roughhouse with one another but have appropriate boundaries - so not at school. My eldest is also four and I have twin two year olds. Do not tell me this is a gender thing. This is about appropriate boundaries. OP you sound very invested in your liberal mom with a “real boy” shtick. You voting for Obama does not mean that you get to pull the boys will be boys card. And FYI roughhousing with the dog is a good way for your kid to get bitten. It won’t be as funny when he has a bunch of stitches on his face.


DP. This is utterly absurd. All kids have energy and most boys at 4 are indeed like puppies and like to roughhouse. As long as nobody gets hurt and they all enjoy it, it’s great.

The problem is the school. Teaching kids to observe boundaries is actually the school’s job. If the school cannot handle behavior that is within the range of developmentally normal, it’s a bad school. OP should not waste another second there.


Nope. Sorry. Your job, Mama Bear (and Paoa Bear too, if applicable).


It’s not though. School is not home. The school needs to know how to set boundaries at school. Home can reinforce school behaviors but this school is not engaging at all in a way that would effectuate that connection. You can’t punish a 4 year old for something he did 6 hrs before in a different place - especially when some of that n
behavior doesn’t even seem like it needs a punishment.

This is an inept school bad for your kid OP. Get him out.


It is, though. Kids learn how to behave, including in public, by the direction and boundaries taught by their PARENTS. Ever wonder why this supposedly “inept” teacher isn’t having this problem with all of the other kids in the classmates including the others with with — gasp — XY chromosomes?

Because OP is too busy waving away her kid’s negative (yes, negative) behavior with a litany of excuses.


Just wait til YOU have the loud kid … trust me, your kid isn’t good in preschool because you have magic parenting skills. kids have different temperaments and some that are fine at home are not at school. and at the end of the day even if it was theoretically all OP’s fault, there STILL is not anything that OP alone could do. There actually are quite good ways to teach kiddos proper behavior in school, including through consistent home-school communication. but notably all the school is doing is focusing on complaining. this is a bad school with no plan about how to address behavior that is still within normal ranges. this isn’t a kid who is hitting, running away, hiding under a table …