Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 17:31     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think a craft party may be boring for 12 year olds?

My son and his friends still run around. He has had all active parties like sky zone, laser tag, paintball, etc.


Whatever your opinion, or a kid's opinion of the party, may be, that doesn't mean you need to accept kids being on their phones. We're all so intolerant, and so are kids, of boredom. Be bored! It won't kill you. It's better than needing your phone for constant dopamine infusions. I give limited screentime for my kids, and they are still playing this ongoing imaginative game, even at ages 12 and 9.

I'm sorry for your daughter, OP, and I recommend collecting phones at the door for parties like this. We did and the kids didn't make a big deal and my daughter said she was very happy not to have them. None of her friends made a peep of complaint.

Everyone's kids and their friends will be different, but you are the parent and have the right to choose how things go down in your house.


This! My kid doesn’t really like crafts these days but she has been to her share of pottery or painting parties and she participates fully and giggles with her friends and does all the things party goers should do. Not being into an activity is not an excuse for being rude!!!


+2
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 13:33     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think a craft party may be boring for 12 year olds?

My son and his friends still run around. He has had all active parties like sky zone, laser tag, paintball, etc.


Whatever your opinion, or a kid's opinion of the party, may be, that doesn't mean you need to accept kids being on their phones. We're all so intolerant, and so are kids, of boredom. Be bored! It won't kill you. It's better than needing your phone for constant dopamine infusions. I give limited screentime for my kids, and they are still playing this ongoing imaginative game, even at ages 12 and 9.

I'm sorry for your daughter, OP, and I recommend collecting phones at the door for parties like this. We did and the kids didn't make a big deal and my daughter said she was very happy not to have them. None of her friends made a peep of complaint.

Everyone's kids and their friends will be different, but you are the parent and have the right to choose how things go down in your house.


This! My kid doesn’t really like crafts these days but she has been to her share of pottery or painting parties and she participates fully and giggles with her friends and does all the things party goers should do. Not being into an activity is not an excuse for being rude!!!
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 13:27     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
I agree crafting sounds a little young for 6th graders. Something more active would have been better, or "mature" yet not like spa party.

The younger and newer they are to phones the more likely they are to be glued to them. Even if the activity was boring, though, they have to learn that its rude to just sit on their phones but since they are so young they are impulsive and less likely to consider that in the moment due to immaturity.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2023 00:39     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
Anonymous wrote:DS is in 7th this year and has a watch but no phone. At a couple of recent activities he complained that about half the kids were on the phone the whole time and commented that he understood why I was reluctant to get him a phone. He's also a little judgey of his friends who are allowed more screen time than he is... which we are working on as it's not a great look. He knows if I was less "strict" he'd be online all the time.


Same. My kids see the way kids who get phones ignore everyone in person and are just scrolling and posting and get annoyed. But as soon as they get a phone what will keep them from doing the same?
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 23:13     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
I believe everything in moderation is fine, and also right place at the right time. Ok to have phone, but not ok to be on your phone non-stop during your friend's b'day party. Why did you attend then if you are not really participating. I would send out a message that phones will be collected at beginning and given back at end. If kid does not wish to attend because of this, great!
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 22:06     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
Anonymous wrote:This is so sad and is the fault of parents allowing their kods to have phones at a young age and abuse them like this. My youngest is 16 and we never had an experience like this. It’s so sad to see what happened to kids in this short time and what an effect it will have on their brain and social skills.

What is even worse is the toddlers and preschoolers who hold phones like zombies in every public place rather than looking around and interacting with their parents. Truly lazy parenting that will stunt development.


You can't blame it on parents totally. Kids want to do what they see their friends doing, kids see what their parents do, you have to do certain things online now that used to be done other ways, there is no way around it. Everything is designed to be addictive and there are no laws protecting children.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 21:07     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe most of the girls has grown out of the event and were bored?


This. Or maybe kids are new to phones because they’re young. Or maybe it’s harder than you think to blend groups at that age so it was awkward. Or maybe your daughter felt left out as the only without a phone and it seemed worse than it was.

I honestly don’t see this as the norm. Not that they never check them.


Agree this seems a little young of a party for this age. Crafts are for probably 10 and under. 12 should maybe do bowling, escape room. Also, WAY too big of a group at this age. And like I always tell people, if you want me off my phone, be more interesting. It's true - if you were more interesting than my phone, I wouldn't be on it. The party probably wasn't that interesting.


You cannot be a grown person with this comment. Ever look to see what the teens are engrossed in? It’s not the NYT or the latest international news.


+1. We’re expected to be interesting, unlike the person whose nose is glued to her phone?


+2 What a weirdo!
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 12:32     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
I’m wondering if this isn’t a sign of social anxiety in kids. In the same way some adults will go straight to the bar at a social event, people of all ages also bury their faces in a screen to avoid awkwardness. I taught sixth graders at small, sweet, supportive schools before the pandemic, and we had to do a lot of work in homeroom and the cafeteria on initiating conversations and navigating small social conflicts.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 12:10     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
Your kids having a phone at this age isn’t the issue. You the parent not teaching them how to moderate their use and know when it’s appropriate to use it and when it isn’t is the problem.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 12:05     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Too late but this is a wholesale parenting fail:

https://www.waituntil8th.org/

Let this serve as a warning to parents w/ younger children who don't yet have phones.



I’m sorry, this is well meaning but not realistic


I just looked at that site for the first time in years. They do seem to have evolved with the times and instead of saying "no phones til 8th" they now say "no smartphones til 8th" and make suggestions about other devices for parents to keep in touch (if that's the excuse). The social pressure is tough for the kids though.


My 13 year old daughter got her first smartphone the summer before 8th. She had an apple watch starting in grade 6 and she has tons of friends. It's really not that hard.


+1 both of my kids waited/will wait until 8th for a phone. They had/have iPads at home for messaging friends, if they want, but when they’re out in the world, they’re expected to be engaged with what’s happening in real time. I have seen way too many situations like the OP describes and I think it’s near tragic how many parents excuse their kids’ rude, antisocial, or just plain tacky behavior. Not surprising, though.


I have 12 and 14yo boys and they are not on their phones when together. Sure, they may show one another some videos but it is not for long.

My friend’s daughter lives on her phone. She is an only child. She is always texting and FaceTiming with friends. When they are together, they take pictures, make TikTok’s and FaceTime their friends not with them.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 10:07     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Too late but this is a wholesale parenting fail:

https://www.waituntil8th.org/

Let this serve as a warning to parents w/ younger children who don't yet have phones.



I’m sorry, this is well meaning but not realistic


I just looked at that site for the first time in years. They do seem to have evolved with the times and instead of saying "no phones til 8th" they now say "no smartphones til 8th" and make suggestions about other devices for parents to keep in touch (if that's the excuse). The social pressure is tough for the kids though.


My 13 year old daughter got her first smartphone the summer before 8th. She had an apple watch starting in grade 6 and she has tons of friends. It's really not that hard.


+1 both of my kids waited/will wait until 8th for a phone. They had/have iPads at home for messaging friends, if they want, but when they’re out in the world, they’re expected to be engaged with what’s happening in real time. I have seen way too many situations like the OP describes and I think it’s near tragic how many parents excuse their kids’ rude, antisocial, or just plain tacky behavior. Not surprising, though.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 09:47     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Too late but this is a wholesale parenting fail:

https://www.waituntil8th.org/

Let this serve as a warning to parents w/ younger children who don't yet have phones.



I’m sorry, this is well meaning but not realistic


I just looked at that site for the first time in years. They do seem to have evolved with the times and instead of saying "no phones til 8th" they now say "no smartphones til 8th" and make suggestions about other devices for parents to keep in touch (if that's the excuse). The social pressure is tough for the kids though.


My 13 year old daughter got her first smartphone the summer before 8th. She had an apple watch starting in grade 6 and she has tons of friends. It's really not that hard.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 09:43     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
Anonymous wrote:My DD just turned 12 and is in 6th grade. We had her birthday party tonight at a craft place she loves. There were 15 girls total, about half from school and half from a sport she plays.

She was the only girl without an iPhone (got her one for her bday but she doesn’t have it yet) and all of the girls were on their phones the whole party. Literally the entire time. At one point I told everyone to put their phones down and suggested a table in the corner to take a break, but one girl said she needs to keep it with her in case her parents text, and then they all said the same.

It was honestly really disappointing. My daughter brought it up and was really bummed that all her friends were preoccupied.

Just curious if this is common, and as parents do you talk to your kids about being present or not rules in place for phone usage outside the house? Not that we are giving DD a phone want to make sure she isn’t this rude to others.


Most 8 year olds have iphones these days. They spent a solid 18 months only communicating through Zoom with their friends between the ages of 7 and 8 (if they are 12 now). Im sorry your daughter was upset, but the crafting place's host for the party really must not have kept their attention.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 09:41     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Too late but this is a wholesale parenting fail:

https://www.waituntil8th.org/

Let this serve as a warning to parents w/ younger children who don't yet have phones.



I’m sorry, this is well meaning but not realistic


I just looked at that site for the first time in years. They do seem to have evolved with the times and instead of saying "no phones til 8th" they now say "no smartphones til 8th" and make suggestions about other devices for parents to keep in touch (if that's the excuse). The social pressure is tough for the kids though.



Sounds like your daughter has friends who really wanted to go to her party (that's great) but sounds like they were bored. Kids get bored super easily these days.

We didn't have a party after elementary school for our daughter and did more group "hang outs". Middle schoolers are on their phones all the time. Im a GenX kid who was watching soap operas and game shows while spending hours on the landline.

It's disappointing if you had different expectations but maybe crafting wasn't their thing. They showed up and that's a success story.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2023 09:23     Subject: 6th graders spent whole party on phones
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Too late but this is a wholesale parenting fail:

https://www.waituntil8th.org/

Let this serve as a warning to parents w/ younger children who don't yet have phones.



I’m sorry, this is well meaning but not realistic


I just looked at that site for the first time in years. They do seem to have evolved with the times and instead of saying "no phones til 8th" they now say "no smartphones til 8th" and make suggestions about other devices for parents to keep in touch (if that's the excuse). The social pressure is tough for the kids though.