Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 12:01     Subject: Re:Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
I guess I am a boomer, because it never occurred to me that this is an inappropriate question. without being sarcastic or snotty, can someone explain what is wrong with asking this?
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 12:01     Subject: Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
Anonymous wrote:It’s a fair question for someone providing a tour. Coach your kid to exaggerate if that makes them feel better.

“I’m applying to the usual suspect ivies to appease my parents, but I’m planning to take a gap year in Europe to sow my wild oats.”


It's not really a fair question if the answer is meaningless. The kids can roll the dice and apply wherever they like. What matters is where they get in. What does asking where they plan to roll the dice tell anyone? Why do some of you think this is a helpful or reasonable question and how do you think it pertains to your prospective student?
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:54     Subject: Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
It’s a fair question for someone providing a tour. Coach your kid to exaggerate if that makes them feel better.

“I’m applying to the usual suspect ivies to appease my parents, but I’m planning to take a gap year in Europe to sow my wild oats.”
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:46     Subject: Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think student guides should report these parents to the admissions office. I went on probably ten tours last Fall and no one asked these ridiculous and rude questions so hopefully these posters are way outliers. In light of how many competent kids applied to the schools we were interested in, there is zero reason to give further consideration to any families that behave in this way. I would instantly move them to the reject pile.


Bahahahahaha. Yeah, schools will definitely not consider the applications of families who have the audacity to ask a tour guide where they are interested in attending college.

Are you serious?


Yep. The student who have shadowers typically report on the kids who follow them. Why not have the tour guides have a box for a*holes? It would be super easy and a very simple way for my Big3 schools to get rid of these undesirables.

Don’t get me wrong. Big3 parents think these thoughts ALL THE TIME and post them on anonymous message boards. But there is a huge difference between thinking it and saying it. You can think these questions all you want in your head but if you don’t have the wherewithal to shut your trap and not ask a high school child I definitely don’t want you anywhere near my kid. Signed, parent on the inside.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:31     Subject: Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
Agreed. Very rude. But there will always be rude people who have no sense of boundary. Teach your student to respond with, the Admissions Team is more than happy to provide insight into student outplacement or the Admissions Team has information on where all students are applying.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:31     Subject: Re:Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
I wonder if the pushy and rude parents understand that the tour guides share feedback on particularly rude parents with Admissions.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:29     Subject: Re:Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. When did "Where are you applying to college?" become an ultra-personal question? For decades it has been a means for adults to show interest in what is happening with a junior/senior. It is not a state secret. If your concern is that your child would be embarrassed if they don't get in to the schools they list, good news: your child will probably never see the prospective parents again. Also, that question is a way for prospective parents to get an understanding of where current students at the prospective school will be going to college (not years past data).

I guarantee no offense was intended by the question. More importantly, no offense should be taken.


I'm sorry, but now you know it's rude and obnoxious so stop doing it.


It's not. Just because you and a few other ultra sensitive people seem to think it's a bloody state secret doesn't make it so. Most of the rest of the country thinks it's a normal question to ask. Along with "where are you from" which also triggers a host of special snowflakes here on DCUM.


Most of the rest of the country doesn’t think it’s a normal question to ask. You are very out of touch. Are you especially old? It hasn’t been a normal question to ask for twenty or thirty years. It’s seen as rude and pushy pretty much everywhere. It is true that older grandparent types are given a pass because in the Boomer generation, it wasn’t seen as rude. So, you can continue to ask if you are a Boomer.


Please stop being ageist, thankyousomuch.

OP, although it sounds like a PSA was warranted, it's clearly falling on deaf ears.

How cringe of those parents. One data point is useless anyhow, they should be asking the school, but I guess desperation rules the day.


It’s not ageist to point out that this was an acceptable question in the Boomer era and so people who are older continue to ask it, but younger people don’t. That’s just facts.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:29     Subject: Re:Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
Anonymous wrote:If kids can't handle the stress of applying to colleges and talking about it, how are they going to handle college? I could get them not wanting to share some of their reaches or things like that, but showing interest in what someone is planning for their future at a pivotal time in their life is not rude. It's ridiculous to just pretend this major moment in their life isn't happening. So when a child is graduating college can we no longer ask their plans after college? This is insane.


You are a complete stranger to these kids. You aren't entitled to know their future plans. You've never met them before. This has nothing to do with handling college, it has to do with keeping your cards close to your vest and letting people know the final decision when you're ready to announce.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:27     Subject: Re:Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
Anonymous wrote:If kids can't handle the stress of applying to colleges and talking about it, how are they going to handle college?

Who is claiming that talking about the subject is stressful?
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:25     Subject: Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
I remember being a high school student and giving tours. I hated when parents would ask me where I was applying to college, as if my response told them anything about the school. It was an obnoxious question then and it is still obnoxious.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:24     Subject: Re:Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
If kids can't handle the stress of applying to colleges and talking about it, how are they going to handle college? I could get them not wanting to share some of their reaches or things like that, but showing interest in what someone is planning for their future at a pivotal time in their life is not rude. It's ridiculous to just pretend this major moment in their life isn't happening. So when a child is graduating college can we no longer ask their plans after college? This is insane.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:21     Subject: Re:Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. When did "Where are you applying to college?" become an ultra-personal question? For decades it has been a means for adults to show interest in what is happening with a junior/senior. It is not a state secret. If your concern is that your child would be embarrassed if they don't get in to the schools they list, good news: your child will probably never see the prospective parents again. Also, that question is a way for prospective parents to get an understanding of where current students at the prospective school will be going to college (not years past data).

I guarantee no offense was intended by the question. More importantly, no offense should be taken.


I'm sorry, but now you know it's rude and obnoxious so stop doing it.


It's not. Just because you and a few other ultra sensitive people seem to think it's a bloody state secret doesn't make it so. Most of the rest of the country thinks it's a normal question to ask. Along with "where are you from" which also triggers a host of special snowflakes here on DCUM.


Most of the rest of the country doesn’t think it’s a normal question to ask. You are very out of touch. Are you especially old? It hasn’t been a normal question to ask for twenty or thirty years. It’s seen as rude and pushy pretty much everywhere. It is true that older grandparent types are given a pass because in the Boomer generation, it wasn’t seen as rude. So, you can continue to ask if you are a Boomer.


Please stop being ageist, thankyousomuch.

OP, although it sounds like a PSA was warranted, it's clearly falling on deaf ears.

How cringe of those parents. One data point is useless anyhow, they should be asking the school, but I guess desperation rules the day.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:17     Subject: Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
Super sensitive....My kids have no issue with the question. It doesn't dictate who you are.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:15     Subject: Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
I wouldn’t actually care what they said but they might reveal a nugget or two of helpful details to file a way for later use. I’m not sure why everyone doesn’t ask. It is also a good data point into how the school has prepared its most civic-minded, confident students for the uncomfortableness of everyday life. As a side benefit I know the student is also benefiting from an opportunity to be put on the spot in a safe environment with no actual repercussions for bad answers. Parents of these kids should be thanking us for helping them to prepare for tough job interviews to come…
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2023 11:12     Subject: Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college
So - as OP said - college admissions has changed a ton in the last 4 years and continues to change. Maybe what you all need to hear is that it doesn't matter where the tour guide is applying. What matters is whether your child has a hook. Period. Otherwise, assume something outside of T30 (maybe in 20's if great stats/rigor unhooked....only maybe).

And again - take a cue - if someone isn't offering this up - choose another topic if conversation because where a kid is applying to college is generally no longer considered polite small talk.