Trying to get rid of resentment for the burden of providing for me elderly mom. She is financially in bad shape, mainly due to many bad decisions and failure to consider her future over decades, and increasingly intentionally incapable of doing for herself. Meanwhile my siblings can’t be bothered. So I am left to provide a growing amount of financial, physical, emotional, logistical help. Not sure where or how to establish boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:My parents had favorites growing up and pitted the siblings against each other. We're now in our late 30s and 40s and it's become clear that none of have functioning relationships. It's all coming to a head this holiday season with the parts of the family no longer speaking with each other.

I don't think there's any way we'll ever really be a family again. The favored siblings are narcissistic. The disfavored siblings are angry and hurt, cutting themselves off from the family. My parents continue to escalate and play favorites. Apparently the new boundaries by the hurt siblings have my mom saying she wants to die, but it's unclear if she's really suicidal or if it's more manipulation.

It's so hard to decide to walk away from the mess and give up on having a family (and grandparents for your kids) or to keep engaging with the endless drama, bullying, favortism, and hurt feelings. Partial boundaries haven't worked.

Hell, I can one up you big time. My parents divorced when I was 4 and for years passed me and my two siblings off to random relatives. Sometimes zI lived with my dad, sometimes my aunt, sometimes my mom, sometimes with my siblings, but mostly we were all separated and cast to the wind.

I'm 51 and haven't spoken with my older brother or younger sister in 15 years.

I was in a meeting in September where the office manager broke in (all phones locked away on site) and privately let a colleague know that his adult son (28) had just suffered cardiac arrest and died instantly.

Literally half the people in there started sobbing.

We are all just one phone call away from utter devastation.

Anonymous wrote:My parents had favorites growing up and pitted the siblings against each other. We're now in our late 30s and 40s and it's become clear that none of have functioning relationships. It's all coming to a head this holiday season with the parts of the family no longer speaking with each other.

I don't think there's any way we'll ever really be a family again. The favored siblings are narcissistic. The disfavored siblings are angry and hurt, cutting themselves off from the family. My parents continue to escalate and play favorites. Apparently the new boundaries by the hurt siblings have my mom saying she wants to die, but it's unclear if she's really suicidal or if it's more manipulation.

It's so hard to decide to walk away from the mess and give up on having a family (and grandparents for your kids) or to keep engaging with the endless drama, bullying, favortism, and hurt feelings. Partial boundaries haven't worked.

It may sound harsh, but remember your parents will die. Whenever my parents made me angry or hurt, I asked myself if I wanted to feel like this when they were gone. It led me to radical acceptance, which gave me peace to stay above it all. Now they are dead and I am so thankful I took the high road and focused on the positive. Dwelling on hurt wouldn’t have gotten me anywhere. I am glad I woke up in time. Sending love, patience and hope to you.

My parents had favorites growing up and pitted the siblings against each other. We're now in our late 30s and 40s and it's become clear that none of have functioning relationships. It's all coming to a head this holiday season with the parts of the family no longer speaking with each other.

I don't think there's any way we'll ever really be a family again. The favored siblings are narcissistic. The disfavored siblings are angry and hurt, cutting themselves off from the family. My parents continue to escalate and play favorites. Apparently the new boundaries by the hurt siblings have my mom saying she wants to die, but it's unclear if she's really suicidal or if it's more manipulation.

It's so hard to decide to walk away from the mess and give up on having a family (and grandparents for your kids) or to keep engaging with the endless drama, bullying, favortism, and hurt feelings. Partial boundaries haven't worked.

Anonymous wrote:
Midlife crisis: one kid has autism, the other is about to be diagnosed with a serious medical condition, father is going into dementia, mother is physically reliant on him, they are on a different continent, husband is autistic and cyclically angry.



I constantly fantasize about a different life.

I have almost the exact same thing but no serious medical condition for 2nd child and dh ADHD. but also cyclically angry.
nightmare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m afraid.

We all are.

I exhaled just reading that. While my misery really does not love company, thank you for helping me to feel less alone with my fears. There are so many awful things going on in the world right now.

My life is relatively okay, but it feels like everyone around me is crumbling. It is beyond even being able to do much to help and it is a helpless feeling to watch people you love suffer. It just seems there is too much pain and suffering everywhere. While I have my own ways to recenter and feel peace and contentedness, those feelings only last until the next text or call and then the burden and powerlessness and worry return.

It just feels like this isn't what life is meant to be. Life has gotten too complicated, too worrying, too stressful, too much illness. I can create a simpler, uncomplicated life for myself but that doesn't change the chaos and pain around me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Wanted to add that this situation is surfacing a ton of grief over my mom, who died when I was 8. I find myself for the first time, in my 30s, specifically and desperately wishing I could talk to her about it and ask what she would do. I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to about it.

If you are in your 30s, be with this man and have kids of your own together. If you were in your 20s my advice would be different.
It will help you understand how to care for his child as well.

Not that you asked, but I agree. Being with the love of your life, if that REALLY works for you, will see you through, and you guys will work out any difficulties together. The hardest thing in life is going through things alone....not the things themselves.

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I've been in the same field for 20 years, and had my own business for the last 7. The last year was so awful I was having health issues and I felt I was harming my family's financial security. I took a bit of time away, and I think I want to do something else, but I'm afraid.
It would be easier to go back to what I was doing, but I just don't love it any longer. I find it to all be so pointless. I'm also afraid to not contribute financially to my family (we have 2 kids) any longer.

Extreme exhaustion and cognitive and emotional problems from severe sleep apnea. Hoping to get my cpap this week and begin a road to recovery.

Anonymous wrote:I am still rocked to my core as my husband passed away last November. When it happened, I felt like someone had gut punched me and dropped me to the ground.12 months later amd I feel the same.

My world was taken from me. I do try to be strong for my (now adult) kids. But I am such a fraud. I'm hardly happy. I feel like I am in a fog.

You are not a fraud! You can be strong AND still feel the tremendous grief. You don't owe it to anyone to speed it up and be happy, please take your time to process your loss.

25 year marriage and I have to finally admit it is over. Even if we don't divorce, I'm alone, and have been for almost the entire 25 years because he is emotionally checked out of everything. Yes, I was one of the stupid, naive ones. Don't bash me. I didn't know anything.

Generational trauma hit my children hard, and two of them are struggling mightily, with their issues also causing a rift between them, which is a unique type of heartache that I can't explain. They used to be best friends and it's painful as hell to see what is happening and not be able to fix it.

Feeling guilt above all else. I, too, had major trauma as a child and didn't understand until very recently how it would affect my children despite my best efforts. 20 years too late. I hate myself for it.

I'm heartbroken, lonely as hell, angry, depressed, and scared for our future as a family. I would lay down my life for my family, but knowing there isn't much I can do because I'm stupid and figuring it all out too late is killing me. Literally.

I Barely stop crying to "put on the face" and be around people. My eyes are perpetually swollen and makeup isn't cutting it anymore. Dreading the holidays.

I love my kids so so much and they're so adorable and such sweet ages. But I am overwhelmed most of the time that I'm with them. Just cooking dinner, getting them to sit for dinner, brushing teeth, etc is all a major struggle. I look over and they're rolling on the floor either fighting or tickling each other. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Anonymous wrote:I’m afraid.

We all are.