Anonymous
11/10/2023 21:30
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How should I respond when my 14yo who loves to pick fights with me says "Your, not the boss of me" or "Make me" when I tell him something? Looking for more productive ways than my usual - do it or lose your phone.....
Stop acting like a cliched boss, and treat your child like a young adult becoming a partner in the household.
You must be 14.
Anonymous
11/10/2023 21:29
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
Anonymous wrote:How should I respond when my 14yo who loves to pick fights with me says "Your, not the boss of me" or "Make me" when I tell him something? Looking for more productive ways than my usual - do it or lose your phone.....
When he needs a ride. wants money, wants a phone, etc just say make me. He'll figure it out. If he has a phone take it away.
Anonymous
11/10/2023 20:41
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
Anonymous wrote:How should I respond when my 14yo who loves to pick fights with me says "Your, not the boss of me" or "Make me" when I tell him something? Looking for more productive ways than my usual - do it or lose your phone.....
Stop acting like a cliched boss, and treat your child like a young adult becoming a partner in the household.
Anonymous
11/10/2023 18:57
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
Anonymous wrote:Mom of ADHD teen here. It's really hard not to get ridiculously triggered. However, whenever I can keep my sh*t together and not escalate the situation, it goes a lot better. I will often say, "try that again," with an amused expression or something to convey that it was not OK, but I'm not going to the mat on this. More often than not, he can self-correct if he gets a minute. Or if you can make it a joke, even better.
It's a balancing act I hate, because I am not a patient or chill person! But when I can control my OWN reactions, our interactions are a lot better.
It's important to remember the biology of a kid with ADHD—they can have a slower processing speed (and need a little more time to understand what's happening), and their brains are constantly seeking stimulus and dopamine—something conflict provides effortlessly.
Hugs, OP—it's hard!
+1 all of this.
Anonymous
11/10/2023 18:41
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
Mom of ADHD teen here. It's really hard not to get ridiculously triggered. However, whenever I can keep my sh*t together and not escalate the situation, it goes a lot better. I will often say, "try that again," with an amused expression or something to convey that it was not OK, but I'm not going to the mat on this. More often than not, he can self-correct if he gets a minute. Or if you can make it a joke, even better.
It's a balancing act I hate, because I am not a patient or chill person! But when I can control my OWN reactions, our interactions are a lot better.
It's important to remember the biology of a kid with ADHD—they can have a slower processing speed (and need a little more time to understand what's happening), and their brains are constantly seeking stimulus and dopamine—something conflict provides effortlessly.
Hugs, OP—it's hard!
It's a balancing act I hate, because I am not a patient or chill person! But when I can control my OWN reactions, our interactions are a lot better.
It's important to remember the biology of a kid with ADHD—they can have a slower processing speed (and need a little more time to understand what's happening), and their brains are constantly seeking stimulus and dopamine—something conflict provides effortlessly.
Hugs, OP—it's hard!
Anonymous
11/10/2023 17:32
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
I just laugh in his face (I have two middle school boys) and remind him he is going to ask me for something in five minutes. It’s just a reminder to consider words and behavior wisely.
Anonymous
11/10/2023 15:56
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
Wow, some of these responses are so harsh!!!
Anonymous
11/10/2023 15:41
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Complete parenting failure.
I can't comment on OP, but ADHD parenting can be next level. You'd be surprised what some parents have to deal with. Most parents - maybe you too - would be completely out of their depth.
Teacher here. Some kids truly have a medical condition of ADHD. And some kids were just never parented properly. And it can be hard to tell the difference without a lot of testing, observation, and proven strategies.
Anonymous
11/10/2023 14:18
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
I look at kids and imagine them on the end of a fishing line. Every once in a while, you’ve got to reel them in a little bit. Sorry OP, this is going to take some work on your part.
Anonymous
11/10/2023 13:50
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
Anonymous wrote:I would simply smile and say "what? or course I am. that is my job until you are an adult." and then walk away.
Be the calm adult in this situation. And don't remind him to do his work again. He will face the bad grades if he doesn't do it and then you can talk to him about that. Let him have the opportunity to learn from his mistakes.
I don’t think kids get bad grades anymore for not doing work. They just don’t learn the material which will affect them when they’re adults.
Anonymous
11/10/2023 13:30
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
I would simply smile and say "what? or course I am. that is my job until you are an adult." and then walk away.
Be the calm adult in this situation. And don't remind him to do his work again. He will face the bad grades if he doesn't do it and then you can talk to him about that. Let him have the opportunity to learn from his mistakes.
Be the calm adult in this situation. And don't remind him to do his work again. He will face the bad grades if he doesn't do it and then you can talk to him about that. Let him have the opportunity to learn from his mistakes.
Anonymous
11/10/2023 13:30
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
Learn to look at ParentVue once or twice a week instead of looking at your teen's dashboard. Start separating yourself from their day to day workload. You shouldn't be in charge of it in any way at this point. Your kid isn't 7 anymore. Check ParentVue for any missing assignments. You can write them on a Post It and give it to teen. But let him figure it out for himself. Let him rise to the challenge, and ask for help. It isn't "make me" now, it's "make yourself".
Anonymous
11/10/2023 13:20
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
You're the parent, you need to stay in control, for starters. Your kid is 14. It's time for kid to make a few mistakes. If you tell kid to do something and he doesn't do it (homework, etc.) that's on him at this point. You shouldn't be "making" him do his homework, only suggesting he do his homework. Big difference between the two. You have homework, right? You should get to it.
That is all you say to a high school kid. It's up to him to motivate himself. You aren't going to be following him around a college campus, telling him he has 48 hours to read 200 pages for that class. No, that's on him. Learning how to self manage starts now. Store your ego away, and let him learn a few hard lessons.
That is all you say to a high school kid. It's up to him to motivate himself. You aren't going to be following him around a college campus, telling him he has 48 hours to read 200 pages for that class. No, that's on him. Learning how to self manage starts now. Store your ego away, and let him learn a few hard lessons.
Anonymous
11/10/2023 13:14
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
Anonymous wrote:How should I respond when my 14yo who loves to pick fights with me says "Your, not the boss of me" or "Make me" when I tell him something? Looking for more productive ways than my usual - do it or lose your phone.....
You should have started when he was four. He sounds horrible.
Anonymous
11/10/2023 13:06
Subject: "Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo
I'd say you're right and walk away.
Then I would take his phone and when he complains I would say you can't make me give it back.
Then I would take his phone and when he complains I would say you can't make me give it back.