I think the reason the math doesn’t work out for some families is the economy of scale.

If you have a nanny or au pair, it doesn’t matter if you have 2,3, or 4 kids. They all share the same caregiver. If you use daycare, then you are paying more for each kid individually.

For a family with 4 kids, travel sports and private music lessons for each kid are extremely expensive compared to that 1 nanny.

For a daycare family of 2 kids who play rec sports, the elementary years are a bargain!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We could never use the after school daycare because we could t make a 6 pm pickup. So we needed a part time nanny, which was expensive. And then summer camps. Plus ES is often when you find out kids have issues that require some sort of therapy or tutoring. The clothes also becomes a lot more expensive and the toys. When they were little I used hand me downs from cousins or would buy on clearance for the next growth spurt. But the older they get the more opinions they have.
And of course the sports stuff. I was a “we’ll never do travel sports!” person. And now I have 3 kids in travel sports. What I didn’t realize is that the rec options basically disappear after ES and if they want to do HS sports they are expected to do club or travel in the off seasons and summer. It’s a huge racket, but there’s not much of a way around it unless you’re just willing to opt out of sports entirely. That would be my choice but my kids would be really upset about that.
And then there’s the food. They really do eat a lot!

I’m guessing you were never a daycare family since most daycares similarly don’t offer a later than 6 pm pickup.

That is true. I was anticipating a big drop in expenses when our kids went to school but it really didn’t work out that way. I think by the time the youngest hit 5th grade, we did see the savings (although other costs did go up). But the only way we’ve been making it work is because we are now senior enough at our jobs that we basically set our own schedule. We’ve also spent over a decade building relationships with other parents in the neighborhood so that we can maximize carpooling. And we make our kids take the public bus when it’s at all practical.
I feel like modern middle class parenting is set up to expect that kids have someone to drive them around between 4 and 9 pm. Our part time nanny did the 4-7 driving for years. Even the parents I know who use after care have real trouble with the driving necessary to allow kids to participate in even rec sports, take music/dance lessons, or even go to religious Ed. It’s challenging. I had underestimated all this when my kids were little.

Mine did. At our peak, we were paying 4300/mo for an infant and a toddler in full time daycare - $51,600 annually.

Now I have 2 kids in elementary and the breakdown is:
Extended Day - $6,320
Summer camps for 9 weeks - $10,000
Cub scouts, rec sports, summer swim- $1200
Equipment and coach gifts - $500
Private baseball lessons - $2500
Club swim - $3500
School lunch avg 2 days a week per kid - $600
That “ONLY” totals $24,620

Even if you add in all the misc. items like PTA contributions and teacher appreciation week, it’s not even close.
I forgot my kid started band this year and trumpet rental is $250/yr.
My younger child was jealous of the baseball lessons and I just spent $400 to sign up for winter soccer clinics. School photos were $80 for 2 kids. Baseball photos were another $40. School supply kits from the PTA - $75 each. Elementary yearbook $40. I’m sure there is lots of little stuff that I am forgetting, but even if it adds up to another $2k, it’s still DRASTICALLY cheaper to have school age kids.

No. The money goes to activities, uniforms and clothing because they seem to outgrow it at a very rapid rate..... Even buying second hand for sports cost a fortune.... To mention, they can't eat off the kids menu forever and you have to start paying regular admission prices instead of discounted children

Anonymous wrote:Daycare didn’t cost $30k for us. It was less. Now in first grade, we pay $500 per month for aftercare, $100 each day that school is closed for camp, $5000 for the summer for camps. Still less than daycare but it’s a lot. My daughter also had a private neuropsych eval this year for $5k and the first phase of braces for $2,500.

Inflation hun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us we kept our nanny until the youngest was 7. Then there was:
Private school: 40k+/kid/year
Extra curricular after school: ~$400/mo/kid
Sleep away camp 4 weeks (starting at 8yo):8k/kid/yr
Ski school: 3k/yr/kid
International travel: 4k/yr/kid
Private piano: 3k/yr/kid
One kid needed a tutor for a couple years: 2k/yr

Yes, you can choose to do none of this or only after school care or summer day camps and it would be much cheaper. I would prefer to spend my money on my kids in healthy enriching ways. If I had less money, I would scrap international travel and sleepaway camp in a heart beat, opting for driving vacays to the mountains. I might even teach my kids to ski and scrap the tutor. I am perfectly capable of teaching my kids both of those things.

Oh FFS.

+1 What on the entire world?!?

I CAN NOT even afford more than one child, if I want to maintain a certain lifestyle. You guys are Filthy rich!!! 45K for child care!? No thank you!!!

Anonymous wrote:We could never use the after school daycare because we could t make a 6 pm pickup. So we needed a part time nanny, which was expensive. And then summer camps. Plus ES is often when you find out kids have issues that require some sort of therapy or tutoring. The clothes also becomes a lot more expensive and the toys. When they were little I used hand me downs from cousins or would buy on clearance for the next growth spurt. But the older they get the more opinions they have.
And of course the sports stuff. I was a “we’ll never do travel sports!” person. And now I have 3 kids in travel sports. What I didn’t realize is that the rec options basically disappear after ES and if they want to do HS sports they are expected to do club or travel in the off seasons and summer. It’s a huge racket, but there’s not much of a way around it unless you’re just willing to opt out of sports entirely. That would be my choice but my kids would be really upset about that.
And then there’s the food. They really do eat a lot!

I’m guessing you were never a daycare family since most daycares similarly don’t offer a later than 6 pm pickup.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are 6 and 9 and here is our breakdown:

Piano @ $200/month = $4800/year
Soccer @ $400 per season x 2 seasons each = $1600/year
Childcare @ $1200/month = $14,400/year
Summer camps average $400/week x 2 for about 10 weeks = $8000/year

Total: $28,800

Next summer our oldest is doing sleepaway camp for the first time which will add about $2200 on top of the regular summer camp fees. Plus there is another activity we do as a drop-in roughly once every week or two which probably adds another $2k per year.

If you’re spending $1200/month on childcare then you’re basically still in the childcare years. Most of us aren’t dropping that much once they start K. Many of us don’t need any childcare except summer and other school breaks.

I'm the PP. You don't need childcare for after school for your kindergartener?

A lot of people work from home, PP

Right, and I assume their employers expect them to actually be working, not dipping out to pick up kids and then working as they can while caring for the kids after school. Sure, older kids can be self-sufficient but not a kindergartener.

NP. I pay for aftercare for my kindergartener. It costs $365/month. And plenty of people who work from home are able to shift their schedule such that one parent is done with their work day by the time the bus drops their kids off anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do aftercare, 5k, summer camps another 4-5k, and maybe another 1k of activities. So definitely less than daycare. Public school as well.

What summer camps cost 4-5k?

Tons. Speciality camps and sleepaway camps can get up to 14k

Anonymous wrote:I’d break it down like this for us
$22,000 Au pair
$4000 summer camps
$4000 sports and after school activities

But it’s less for ages 5-9, then it revs up. Depends on the # kids and sports.

Curious: what is the point of an au pair when you have school aged kids?

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I've read on here many times that while daycare seems exorbitant, things don't actually get any less expensive due to activities, aftercare, etc. With daycare costing $30k/year, unless you opt for private school I cannot figure out what would possibly cost this much. Even the most $$ summer camps are like $12k for the whole summer, which would leave $18k to break even with daycare costs. Idk how much sports cost, but I can't imagine that much. What was your experience?

I would recommend taking that monthly savings and putting it in their 529s as college can be expensive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are 6 and 9 and here is our breakdown:

Piano @ $200/month = $4800/year
Soccer @ $400 per season x 2 seasons each = $1600/year
Childcare @ $1200/month = $14,400/year
Summer camps average $400/week x 2 for about 10 weeks = $8000/year

Total: $28,800

Next summer our oldest is doing sleepaway camp for the first time which will add about $2200 on top of the regular summer camp fees. Plus there is another activity we do as a drop-in roughly once every week or two which probably adds another $2k per year.

If you’re spending $1200/month on childcare then you’re basically still in the childcare years. Most of us aren’t dropping that much once they start K. Many of us don’t need any childcare except summer and other school breaks.

I'm the PP. You don't need childcare for after school for your kindergartener?

A lot of people work from home, PP

Right, and I assume their employers expect them to actually be working, not dipping out to pick up kids and then working as they can while caring for the kids after school. Sure, older kids can be self-sufficient but not a kindergartener.

Anonymous wrote:For us we kept our nanny until the youngest was 7. Then there was:
Private school: 40k+/kid/year
Extra curricular after school: ~$400/mo/kid
Sleep away camp 4 weeks (starting at 8yo):8k/kid/yr
Ski school: 3k/yr/kid
International travel: 4k/yr/kid
Private piano: 3k/yr/kid
One kid needed a tutor for a couple years: 2k/yr

Yes, you can choose to do none of this or only after school care or summer day camps and it would be much cheaper. I would prefer to spend my money on my kids in healthy enriching ways. If I had less money, I would scrap international travel and sleepaway camp in a heart beat, opting for driving vacays to the mountains. I might even teach my kids to ski and scrap the tutor. I am perfectly capable of teaching my kids both of those things.

Oh FFS.

We could never use the after school daycare because we could t make a 6 pm pickup. So we needed a part time nanny, which was expensive. And then summer camps. Plus ES is often when you find out kids have issues that require some sort of therapy or tutoring. The clothes also becomes a lot more expensive and the toys. When they were little I used hand me downs from cousins or would buy on clearance for the next growth spurt. But the older they get the more opinions they have.
And of course the sports stuff. I was a “we’ll never do travel sports!” person. And now I have 3 kids in travel sports. What I didn’t realize is that the rec options basically disappear after ES and if they want to do HS sports they are expected to do club or travel in the off seasons and summer. It’s a huge racket, but there’s not much of a way around it unless you’re just willing to opt out of sports entirely. That would be my choice but my kids would be really upset about that.
And then there’s the food. They really do eat a lot!