OP - it's your responsibility to get it up

(if you're having that problem in the bedroom, it's not her)

YOU would like her to lose some weight? Not your call.

Anonymous wrote:For the record:
-- the gain I'm talking about increased her weight by 20-25% from her old normal
-- this is not baby weight. The last baby was 9 yars ago. The weight gaining has been only in the past couple years
-- I keep myself trim

Hey Adonis, how about you video her response so we can see it. And we need to see what your trim self looks like.
Gonna need a facial shot because after all you're judging her so we need to judge you.

My family always encouraged me not to be overweight AND not to be underweight AND to prioritize quality nutrition over all other expenses. I grew up relatively poor and we spent most of our disposable income on high quality ingredients. We cooked almost all meals. I learned good eating habits and exercise routines and I have had no health problems, no issues fitting into clothes, no issues getting into (ever shrinking) airplane seats, etc.

We need to be able to have these conversations as a society. We have been sold this story that being overweight is ok by corporations who sell addictive, cheap foods, and then the entire dieting and pharma industries that try to counter the effects of these foods.

Instead of being honest about what is going on, we have moved to near-celebrating obesity. There has to be a better way to help people who are struggling with weight. Not through shaming, but through really supporting their efforts to be more healthy.

For OP, I would approach it from the perspective of health, mobility, ability to enjoy life, and live a long life. But that has to come from a place of love, not a place of measurement (of weight, income, etc.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAH here. Dog, what percentage of HHI does she contribute? If she has contributed anywhere near 40 percent throughout the years of your relationship, you are not entitled to say anything to her. You chose to burden her with the financial stress and the lion's share of cleaning, raising kids, and the admin/mental labor involved in creating a modern family. If you make all the money, then you can ask her kindly. She won't like it but at least the very question won't be insane.

Not OP, but why would weight be tied to earnings?

Not PP but to me, if we’re going to play the “wife needs to stay (my definition of) hot throughout life changes even as she approaches middle age/menopause to satisfy me sexually” game (and OP noted we’re not talking about health issues from morbid obesity, wife is slightly overweight) then we should also play the “husband should provide all financial resources so wife can focus her effort/energy that would have gone to working outside the home and financially supporting the family instead on looking hot” game.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As if she doesn’t know this about herself.

You think she doesn't know OP??
You think she doesn't own a mirror??
You don't think that SHE doesn't want to lose that weight??
You don't think she hates herself for gaining it??
You don't think the extra weight is killing her self esteem??

God, you are a total moron.

Nothing you say to her will come as a shock... the only shock I hope that occurs, is the look on your face when she tells you she's leaving you for being such a self-centered, vapid, shallow, egotistical moron.

Or ... she may prefer he body as it is and/or love it just the same as before, and is learning not to give a sh&t about her DH thinks ...

Anonymous wrote:The obvious answer is the next time she mentions she needs to lose weight (since you said she knows) tell her you’ve been wanting to eat healthier too and volunteer to make changes like taking over shopping and meal planning and carving out time together in your schedules to exercise.

You wait for her to ask for help and then you provide it. Considering how slender you are, you are probably naturally a thinner person (not saying you aren’t healthy but it’s likely food is not a problem for you). If it’s really important to you, you will do as much work as she does to help her achieve your goal.

This is all you can do. Bringing it up yourself will hurt her, not matter your intention or how much you wordsmith. If you love her, and I'm going to assume you do since she's your wife and the mother of your child, then you should care about not hurting her more than you care about your preferences for her body. Being attracted to her is important, but good luck being attracted to a woman whose confidence you shattered with your cruelty.

Anonymous wrote:SAH here. Dog, what percentage of HHI does she contribute? If she has contributed anywhere near 40 percent throughout the years of your relationship, you are not entitled to say anything to her. You chose to burden her with the financial stress and the lion's share of cleaning, raising kids, and the admin/mental labor involved in creating a modern family. If you make all the money, then you can ask her kindly. She won't like it but at least the very question won't be insane.

Not OP, but why would weight be tied to earnings?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20% just… isn’t that much? So let’s say she went from 130 to… 156?? Hardly enough to feel like it’s something to bring up to her! Post her actual stats bc if it’s something like 130—>156 and she’s taller than 5 feet even, this is a joke.

I was thinking the same thing. And is this weight gain since they started dating?

So, what, she weighs 25lbs more at 40 than she did at 20, and she gained a lot of it during pregnancy with your kids?
Is this really that big of a deal?

She might have been 150, gained to 188 (25%).

Exactly that’s totally reasonable

SAH here. Dog, what percentage of HHI does she contribute? If she has contributed anywhere near 40 percent throughout the years of your relationship, you are not entitled to say anything to her. You chose to burden her with the financial stress and the lion's share of cleaning, raising kids, and the admin/mental labor involved in creating a modern family. If you make all the money, then you can ask her kindly. She won't like it but at least the very question won't be insane.

Anonymous wrote:For the record:
-- the gain I'm talking about increased her weight by 20-25% from her old normal
-- this is not baby weight. The last baby was 9 yars ago. The weight gaining has been only in the past couple years
-- I keep myself trim

You are a terrible dh and human being. Her weight is none of your business. If you told me this I would totally ignore you. I am so glad my dh is not like you. ( and I am not fat before anyone fat shames me) "I keep myself trim" too!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20% just… isn’t that much? So let’s say she went from 130 to… 156?? Hardly enough to feel like it’s something to bring up to her! Post her actual stats bc if it’s something like 130—>156 and she’s taller than 5 feet even, this is a joke.

I was thinking the same thing. And is this weight gain since they started dating?

So, what, she weighs 25lbs more at 40 than she did at 20, and she gained a lot of it during pregnancy with your kids?
Is this really that big of a deal?

She might have been 150, gained to 188 (25%).

Anonymous wrote:As if she doesn’t know this about herself.

You think she doesn't know OP??
You think she doesn't own a mirror??
You don't think that SHE doesn't want to lose that weight??
You don't think she hates herself for gaining it??
You don't think the extra weight is killing her self esteem??

God, you are a total moron.

Nothing you say to her will come as a shock... the only shock I hope that occurs, is the look on your face when she tells you she's leaving you for being such a self-centered, vapid, shallow, egotistical moron.

are you worth losing weight for? Maybe she's got a side piece that likes PHAT.

How much do you weigh, OP? I predict she might at least consider losing that much weight.