Anonymous
11/03/2023 10:58
Subject: Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Assume the parent works overnight. What are your honest thoughts on a (mature, responsible) 16yo and a (mature, responsible) 12yo (both girls) watching themselves 3-4 days a week. The alternative is the parent loses their job, which is niche (think air traffic controller) and salary not easily found elsewhere without experience. Other parent not in picture.
No. It is not ok. A 16 yr old is still a child a she should not be put in a permanent situation where she is responsible for a younger sibling. You are putting the responsibility of HHI on a teenager and this is unconscionable.
Careful, your privilege is showing.
She is not permanently responsible for her younger sibling. 3-4 nights a week mom works nights and they eat dinner and go to bed themselves. Is it ideal? No. And I’m sure a lot of kids couldn’t handle it. But sounds like these girls are mature and responsible and it’s working well.
Anonymous
11/03/2023 10:51
Subject: Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
I don’t understand how you can have things as organized as you claim with transportation for your kids activities but your only option is to work nights. We all know you aren’t an air traffic controller so what do you do for work op? Are you a sex worker? Not being nasty, not judging, but if you’ve got a good clientele I can understand why you might prefer working nights, probably a better class of customer and probably more money. Like I said, I don’t judge you for what you do, I will judge you for thinking this is a long term viable solution. Newsflash, I haven’t met a mom yet, especially a single mom who doesn’t have the most responsible mature kids in the neighborhood. I hope you can see the sarcasm, your kids I’m sure are lovely, I’m also sure they are teens.
I also doubt that you have a supportive community, if you did, you’d not be doing this.
For what it’s worth, my kid had a boyfriend who’s mom would do what you are proposing. For a time it worked, her boyfriend was a sweet, caring nice guy. Then his personality began to change. He began to lie to me about his mother’s whereabouts, something I will not put up with. He began to be short with my daughter and with me. Then he began to ignore my daughter, not break up with her, ignore her to the point she wasn’t sure what was going on. Point being, it was too much responsibility for him. And for those of you who will ask, whenever I tried to reach out to the mom, I was ignored or rebuffed. It caused arguments with my husband who thought I wasn’t “doing enough, you never want to help anybody”. No, I just know that the boyfriend wasn’t my kid so I couldn’t even take him to the doctor should he need to go and if I did take him, the first question they’d ask is “where’s mom” and the game was up. What I felt or wanted to do wouldn’t have made a difference. My husband is the softer person in our marriage, and what I learned from this experience is that I refuse to fight with my husband over another mom not doing her job. If the mom had sat down with me, and said “I’ll give you medical power of attorney so you can take my boys to the doctor” that would have been acceptable. At least she would have leveled with me and given me the ability to solve basic easy to solve parenting problems. She didn’t. Then she failed to respond when I needed to get in touch with her, I’d text, no response. I’d call, it would go to voicemail, there was no way I could get in touch with her. I eventually got Grandma’s contact info but I also made no bones about the fact that if I got into a situation I couldn’t solve because again, I’m not a legal guardian for these kids, I will get the police involved and I will tell them exactly what I know “Mom leaves the boys, mom isn’t responding, these boys need medical care, they are being bullied at school, they are telling me they hate soccer and want to quit” whatever it is that a parent can solve quite easily.
You are putting an awful lot on your kids and on your neighbors probably without having a discussion and a willingness to give them legally some parenting authority.
If you decide to do this, and yes, it is a choice, be ready. School might report you, do you want to deal with it? Your kids may talk about what goes on, and a parent might report you, or you may get to come get your kids from the police when a neighbor says “The older kid called, she’s worried about her sister who seems to really not be feeling well, what do I do”. Are you willing and prepared to deal with that. The police won’t say “we understand, go back to work”.
There is more going on here, op, and I personally do not believe you are a put upon struggling single mmom with a run of bad luck.
I also doubt that you have a supportive community, if you did, you’d not be doing this.
For what it’s worth, my kid had a boyfriend who’s mom would do what you are proposing. For a time it worked, her boyfriend was a sweet, caring nice guy. Then his personality began to change. He began to lie to me about his mother’s whereabouts, something I will not put up with. He began to be short with my daughter and with me. Then he began to ignore my daughter, not break up with her, ignore her to the point she wasn’t sure what was going on. Point being, it was too much responsibility for him. And for those of you who will ask, whenever I tried to reach out to the mom, I was ignored or rebuffed. It caused arguments with my husband who thought I wasn’t “doing enough, you never want to help anybody”. No, I just know that the boyfriend wasn’t my kid so I couldn’t even take him to the doctor should he need to go and if I did take him, the first question they’d ask is “where’s mom” and the game was up. What I felt or wanted to do wouldn’t have made a difference. My husband is the softer person in our marriage, and what I learned from this experience is that I refuse to fight with my husband over another mom not doing her job. If the mom had sat down with me, and said “I’ll give you medical power of attorney so you can take my boys to the doctor” that would have been acceptable. At least she would have leveled with me and given me the ability to solve basic easy to solve parenting problems. She didn’t. Then she failed to respond when I needed to get in touch with her, I’d text, no response. I’d call, it would go to voicemail, there was no way I could get in touch with her. I eventually got Grandma’s contact info but I also made no bones about the fact that if I got into a situation I couldn’t solve because again, I’m not a legal guardian for these kids, I will get the police involved and I will tell them exactly what I know “Mom leaves the boys, mom isn’t responding, these boys need medical care, they are being bullied at school, they are telling me they hate soccer and want to quit” whatever it is that a parent can solve quite easily.
You are putting an awful lot on your kids and on your neighbors probably without having a discussion and a willingness to give them legally some parenting authority.
If you decide to do this, and yes, it is a choice, be ready. School might report you, do you want to deal with it? Your kids may talk about what goes on, and a parent might report you, or you may get to come get your kids from the police when a neighbor says “The older kid called, she’s worried about her sister who seems to really not be feeling well, what do I do”. Are you willing and prepared to deal with that. The police won’t say “we understand, go back to work”.
There is more going on here, op, and I personally do not believe you are a put upon struggling single mmom with a run of bad luck.
Anonymous
11/01/2023 00:58
Subject: Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
I don’t think it’s fair to the 16 year old. It it were a temporary thing, sure, maybe. But I feel like this will build resentment and negative feelings towards you and the sibling. The older child deserves to experience all the things a child their age should get to experience. That includes not having to be responsible for a whole human life before they choose to bring a child into the world. I totally get kids having some responsibilities around the house, but being responsible for a sibling overnight is a lot of pressure and a big ask. Have you asked how the 16 year old feels about it? I would seriously take into consideration their thoughts on the matter.
Anonymous
10/30/2023 10:40
Subject: Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
Anonymous wrote:It's fine as long as both your kids NEVER tell anyone that they are spending the night alone. Not their friends, not their teachers, not their coaches or teammates.
If they can keep it to themselves then it is fine. My grandmother had a baby and lived by herself at 16 while her husband worked the night shift.
I think this is going to be nearly impossible to do and probably an unfair secret to expect a 16 year old to keep. I think it will come out in an innocuous way like she says she has to get home from X activity because mom goes to work and she has to watch her sister or she's talking with one of her friends and she mentions what a pain watching her little sister is.
Anonymous
10/30/2023 10:09
Subject: Re:Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
Anonymous wrote:Who are these people overreacting? So long as there is a strong support structure, I would have no issue with this. Nor is this a college essay opportunity -- this is really normal, and not just in other countries. I know many people in my neighborhood that work overnights, and a setup like this is not uncommon barring other options.
As for legality, for maryland:
https://www.mulroneylawfirm.com/child-home-alone/#:~:text=By%2011%20to%2012%20years,for%20any%20period%2C%20except%20overnight.
13- to 15-year-olds can be allowed alone at home for any period, except overnight.
So 16 is fine.
It is sufficient to leave a child under 8 years old at home alone if you provide a reliable individual at least 13 years old to remain for protection. For families who rely on their older children and responsible teens for babysitting, you will not have to worry about breaking the law.
So, legality not an issue at 16.
DC: No age guidelines or rules, but you are expected to use your best judgment re:maturity of the child. This feels perfectly defensible: https://cfsa.dc.gov/page/faqs-cfsa
Virginia doesn't officially have guidelines but this Fairfax county site pretty explicitly lays this out: https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/children-youth/child-supervision-guidelines
Babysitting Age Guidelines
10-12 years old may provide care of other children for up to three hours with the help of an adult.
13-15 years old may babysit infants and children but not overnight.
16 years old and older may watch children overnight.
dp Obviously there isn't one!
Anonymous
10/30/2023 10:08
Subject: Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why can’t the parent just find a different employer. Is what you are proposing even legal?
OP said it was a niche job (like air traffic controller) so no, they probably just can't go out and find a new employer. This isn't like working at Starbucks.
Which is more important? It is not the responsibility of the 16 year old to parent the 12 year old. The 16 year old will be away in two years and then what? Would they leave the 12 year old alone?
Op needs to find another job that works well with having kids.
Sorry kid will be 14 but, still wrong
Anonymous
10/30/2023 10:07
Subject: Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why can’t the parent just find a different employer. Is what you are proposing even legal?
OP said it was a niche job (like air traffic controller) so no, they probably just can't go out and find a new employer. This isn't like working at Starbucks.
Which is more important? It is not the responsibility of the 16 year old to parent the 12 year old. The 16 year old will be away in two years and then what? Would they leave the 12 year old alone?
Op needs to find another job that works well with having kids.
Anonymous
10/30/2023 10:04
Subject: Re:Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
Anonymous wrote:Who are these people overreacting? So long as there is a strong support structure, I would have no issue with this. Nor is this a college essay opportunity -- this is really normal, and not just in other countries. I know many people in my neighborhood that work overnights, and a setup like this is not uncommon barring other options.
As for legality, for maryland:
https://www.mulroneylawfirm.com/child-home-alone/#:~:text=By%2011%20to%2012%20years,for%20any%20period%2C%20except%20overnight.
13- to 15-year-olds can be allowed alone at home for any period, except overnight.
So 16 is fine.
It is sufficient to leave a child under 8 years old at home alone if you provide a reliable individual at least 13 years old to remain for protection. For families who rely on their older children and responsible teens for babysitting, you will not have to worry about breaking the law.
So, legality not an issue at 16.
DC: No age guidelines or rules, but you are expected to use your best judgment re:maturity of the child. This feels perfectly defensible: https://cfsa.dc.gov/page/faqs-cfsa
Virginia doesn't officially have guidelines but this Fairfax county site pretty explicitly lays this out: https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/children-youth/child-supervision-guidelines
Babysitting Age Guidelines
10-12 years old may provide care of other children for up to three hours with the help of an adult.
13-15 years old may babysit infants and children but not overnight.
16 years old and older may watch children overnight.
AGAIN! OP is putting her 16 yr old in a PERMANENT position of taking care of younger child. Anyone who thinks this is all right is an idiot. It is far too much responsibility for the 16 yr old and I don't care what they do in any other country.
OP, her grades Will start to slip and guidance counselor will talk to her and find out that she is your permanent childcare provider for younger child and she will report you as she should.
Anonymous
10/30/2023 09:25
Subject: Re:Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
Who are these people overreacting? So long as there is a strong support structure, I would have no issue with this. Nor is this a college essay opportunity -- this is really normal, and not just in other countries. I know many people in my neighborhood that work overnights, and a setup like this is not uncommon barring other options.
As for legality, for maryland:
https://www.mulroneylawfirm.com/child-home-alone/#:~:text=By%2011%20to%2012%20years,for%20any%20period%2C%20except%20overnight.
So 16 is fine.
So, legality not an issue at 16.
DC: No age guidelines or rules, but you are expected to use your best judgment re:maturity of the child. This feels perfectly defensible: https://cfsa.dc.gov/page/faqs-cfsa
Virginia doesn't officially have guidelines but this Fairfax county site pretty explicitly lays this out: https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/children-youth/child-supervision-guidelines
As for legality, for maryland:
https://www.mulroneylawfirm.com/child-home-alone/#:~:text=By%2011%20to%2012%20years,for%20any%20period%2C%20except%20overnight.
13- to 15-year-olds can be allowed alone at home for any period, except overnight.
So 16 is fine.
It is sufficient to leave a child under 8 years old at home alone if you provide a reliable individual at least 13 years old to remain for protection. For families who rely on their older children and responsible teens for babysitting, you will not have to worry about breaking the law.
So, legality not an issue at 16.
DC: No age guidelines or rules, but you are expected to use your best judgment re:maturity of the child. This feels perfectly defensible: https://cfsa.dc.gov/page/faqs-cfsa
Virginia doesn't officially have guidelines but this Fairfax county site pretty explicitly lays this out: https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/children-youth/child-supervision-guidelines
Babysitting Age Guidelines
10-12 years old may provide care of other children for up to three hours with the help of an adult.
13-15 years old may babysit infants and children but not overnight.
16 years old and older may watch children overnight.
Anonymous
10/30/2023 09:03
Subject: Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
OP, I would be worried about someone calling CPS. You won’t be able to keep this a secret.
Anonymous
10/27/2023 17:55
Subject: Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
I think it’s fine but might change my mind with more details.
For ex— if you have having dinner together and leaving around 9 or 10 pm that seems totally fine. If you are gone from 4 or 5 pm that does not sound great.
For ex— if you have having dinner together and leaving around 9 or 10 pm that seems totally fine. If you are gone from 4 or 5 pm that does not sound great.
Anonymous
10/27/2023 17:50
Subject: Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:People used to get married at 16, just saying.
In this day and age, I'd say it's fine if your older child is responsible and knows how to respond in an emergency.
This is such a LAME argument. People used to do a lot of things that we don't consider right in today's world.
Yes, girls were married off at 12 and had babies at thirteen. Also had their feet destroyed in China. Let's also talk about female mutiliation
Anonymous
10/27/2023 17:48
Subject: Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Assume the parent works overnight. What are your honest thoughts on a (mature, responsible) 16yo and a (mature, responsible) 12yo (both girls) watching themselves 3-4 days a week. The alternative is the parent loses their job, which is niche (think air traffic controller) and salary not easily found elsewhere without experience. Other parent not in picture.
No. It is not ok. A 16 yr old is still a child a she should not be put in a permanent situation where she is responsible for a younger sibling. You are putting the responsibility of HHI on a teenager and this is unconscionable.
This is parentification and unless it’s very short term and finite, not acceptable.
Not ideal but likely single parent losing all or a significant portion of their income would leave everyone in a worse situation.
Tough.
So it would be better for them all to end up homeless?
No. You find another job.
Thanks to ninny mommies like you, this is the least capable generation in American history.
Yes, a 16 year old can care for a sibling overnight.
Not on a permanent basis which is what OP is proposing.
Anonymous
10/27/2023 14:28
Subject: Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Assume the parent works overnight. What are your honest thoughts on a (mature, responsible) 16yo and a (mature, responsible) 12yo (both girls) watching themselves 3-4 days a week. The alternative is the parent loses their job, which is niche (think air traffic controller) and salary not easily found elsewhere without experience. Other parent not in picture.
No. It is not ok. A 16 yr old is still a child a she should not be put in a permanent situation where she is responsible for a younger sibling. You are putting the responsibility of HHI on a teenager and this is unconscionable.
This is parentification and unless it’s very short term and finite, not acceptable.
Not ideal but likely single parent losing all or a significant portion of their income would leave everyone in a worse situation.
Tough.
So it would be better for them all to end up homeless?
No. You find another job.
Thanks to ninny mommies like you, this is the least capable generation in American history.
Yes, a 16 year old can care for a sibling overnight.
Anonymous
10/25/2023 17:39
Subject: Can a 16yo watch a 12yo overnight, every night?
Anonymous wrote:Why can’t the parent just find a different employer. Is what you are proposing even legal?
OP said it was a niche job (like air traffic controller) so no, they probably just can't go out and find a new employer. This isn't like working at Starbucks.