Anonymous
Post 10/16/2023 11:55     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had a long discussion with her this weekend where she confessed she wants to go to the state flagship where we are residents - but that she also doesn't want to move. Attending that school OOS (which she would have to once we lose residency) is out of question financially, so we're back to square one. She wants to move and attend State U and doesn't understand why we can't make that happen.

So we're going to table the discussion for now until she decides which is more important to her.


It's only October though so could you add a few classes and try to graduate this year?


Interesting thought. We'll discuss it with her. Guessing it wouldn't allow for the AP classes she needs, though.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2023 11:54     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had a long discussion with her this weekend where she confessed she wants to go to the state flagship where we are residents - but that she also doesn't want to move. Attending that school OOS (which she would have to once we lose residency) is out of question financially, so we're back to square one. She wants to move and attend State U and doesn't understand why we can't make that happen.

So we're going to table the discussion for now until she decides which is more important to her.


It's only October though so could you add a few classes and try to graduate this year?
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2023 10:01     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
OP here. We had a long discussion with her this weekend where she confessed she wants to go to the state flagship where we are residents - but that she also doesn't want to move. Attending that school OOS (which she would have to once we lose residency) is out of question financially, so we're back to square one. She wants to move and attend State U and doesn't understand why we can't make that happen.

So we're going to table the discussion for now until she decides which is more important to her.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 22:42     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
My in laws moved my H his senior year. They made him ride the bus too. They were lucky he was outgoing, a standout athlete and didn’t complain. He is still very angry about it years later, he lost contact with all his childhood friends amongst other things and for as resilient as he is it affected his deeply. They had plenty of super close family friends he could have stayed with for the year.

If you can find a way to let your child stay put for senior year, please do it.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 22:03     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If savings on OP not paying state tax on her income are anywhere close to enough to pay private school tuition then it seems like OP is making a decent salary.


She says private school is 12K.

Regardless, I'm astounded at the lack of preparation and consideration shown to the kid in this situation. Decent parents who really have to go where the job sends them are prepared for this eventuality.


Just stop with this “decent parents” shtick. You are cruel and unnecessarily mean to OP.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 20:29     Subject: Re:Move or stay for senior year
I think you're balling a lot of issues up into one -- the APs, the taxes, the public vs private. Forget all of that. Focus on the relative importance of letting your child finish high school where she or he is now versus the whole family moving together. That's all you need to decide on right now. Then once you make that decision, you can figure out the rest.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 18:14     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know that there's a good answer here, but I'm looking for people's thoughts.

We're likely moving for DH's job the summer before DD's senior year. Odds are she won't find a spot in a private school like she's in now, so she would be switching to public. We know the switch would be rough to begin with, but we're really unsure what colleges would think of this, or if she'd even be allowed to take the AP classes she needs for applications.

We've also considered staying put until she graduates. If we stay behind a year and let DH move alone, there are some pretty drastic residency and tax implications. I hate putting money ahead of DD's college future, but it's definitely a consideration for us.

Thoughts?


I didn't read the whole thread, but when we were faced with this my husband didn't end up taking a job that would have put us in this position. I think it's highly dependent on the kid, but overall hugely disruptive and can have lasting effects. Happened to my dad due to a military move and he still talks about how awful it was. Also my college boyfriend and it sucked for him. I have also known families where the kid was on board and was happy, but the move was to somewhere like London so that was an added advantage.

We're a foreign service family and my husband has done unaccompanied tours where we didn't go. While also not ideal, it's do-able and I'd much rather do that if moving the kid is clearly not in the kid's best interest.


Next time read the thread. It’s a military order move. So their choices are moving the kid or having a separated family. There is no easy choice to just keep the status quo.


Why? I didn't need to. I provided a relevant answer that even addressed the USG part without reading it. Saved myself time. Very efficient.


No, you went on and on about how your husband turned down a voluntary job so he could be a good father. OP’s husband doesn’t have that option. Just rubbing salt in the wound.


OP could have said so in the first post and it would have saved some time and apparently "salt in the wound"
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 16:49     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know that there's a good answer here, but I'm looking for people's thoughts.

We're likely moving for DH's job the summer before DD's senior year. Odds are she won't find a spot in a private school like she's in now, so she would be switching to public. We know the switch would be rough to begin with, but we're really unsure what colleges would think of this, or if she'd even be allowed to take the AP classes she needs for applications.

We've also considered staying put until she graduates. If we stay behind a year and let DH move alone, there are some pretty drastic residency and tax implications. I hate putting money ahead of DD's college future, but it's definitely a consideration for us.

Thoughts?


I didn't read the whole thread, but when we were faced with this my husband didn't end up taking a job that would have put us in this position. I think it's highly dependent on the kid, but overall hugely disruptive and can have lasting effects. Happened to my dad due to a military move and he still talks about how awful it was. Also my college boyfriend and it sucked for him. I have also known families where the kid was on board and was happy, but the move was to somewhere like London so that was an added advantage.

We're a foreign service family and my husband has done unaccompanied tours where we didn't go. While also not ideal, it's do-able and I'd much rather do that if moving the kid is clearly not in the kid's best interest.


Next time read the thread. It’s a military order move. So their choices are moving the kid or having a separated family. There is no easy choice to just keep the status quo.


Why? I didn't need to. I provided a relevant answer that even addressed the USG part without reading it. Saved myself time. Very efficient.


No, you went on and on about how your husband turned down a voluntary job so he could be a good father. OP’s husband doesn’t have that option. Just rubbing salt in the wound.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 16:35     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My father refused all offers and pressure to move during my high school years.


His father doesn't have a choice.

I know it's stressful to move in high school. But it'll be financially stressful on us to become residents of the state we live in now and to maintain separate households. It'll be stressful to not see her dad for a year. I can't decide which is worse.


I was in this situation and it was fine. My father's job moved him pretty far away and we didn't want to separate the family. It wasn't the most fun senior year but the transition was not hard and I did go to a top college. There are advantages either way OP and I think either way your DD will turn out okay.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 16:07     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
My husband took an unaccompanied tour into a war zone in order for our kids to finish high school where they started. Literally put his life on the line so our kids could have consistency. Lots of foreign service families do this in the DC area for the sake of their kids education when they get in high school. No we would not disrupt our child senior year. You sound like you have the money to make it work.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 13:17     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Don’t move your DD.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 13:04     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:My dad took a new job across the country when my brother was going into his senior year (i was in 8th grade). He commuted for a year to allow my brother to graduate (I think he did 3 weeks new place, 1 week old place). He worked at a medical school and this was before WFH so he had very understanding bosses.

Is that an option? Otherwise the suggestion of having your daughter stay with someone for a year could work... I know someone that did that too (military family).


What about downsizing to a small apt in each location?

And, please consider your relationship with your DD at this stage of her life. Yes, she’s growing into independence, and you may barely see her between school, activities and social. But to have her on her own with another family is asking a lot of her.

A friend’s family moved summer before his senior year. He stayed behind with really good friends, while his family moved 500 miles away. It was fine. And, it deeply damaged his relationship with his parents long-term.

Presumably, your marriage is strong enough to live apart-ish for 8 months. My husband and I did this. It was hard, but we could navigate the disruption more easily than our kids.

Good luck!!
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 12:53     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know that there's a good answer here, but I'm looking for people's thoughts.

We're likely moving for DH's job the summer before DD's senior year. Odds are she won't find a spot in a private school like she's in now, so she would be switching to public. We know the switch would be rough to begin with, but we're really unsure what colleges would think of this, or if she'd even be allowed to take the AP classes she needs for applications.

We've also considered staying put until she graduates. If we stay behind a year and let DH move alone, there are some pretty drastic residency and tax implications. I hate putting money ahead of DD's college future, but it's definitely a consideration for us.

Thoughts?


I didn't read the whole thread, but when we were faced with this my husband didn't end up taking a job that would have put us in this position. I think it's highly dependent on the kid, but overall hugely disruptive and can have lasting effects. Happened to my dad due to a military move and he still talks about how awful it was. Also my college boyfriend and it sucked for him. I have also known families where the kid was on board and was happy, but the move was to somewhere like London so that was an added advantage.

We're a foreign service family and my husband has done unaccompanied tours where we didn't go. While also not ideal, it's do-able and I'd much rather do that if moving the kid is clearly not in the kid's best interest.


Next time read the thread. It’s a military order move. So their choices are moving the kid or having a separated family. There is no easy choice to just keep the status quo.


Why? I didn't need to. I provided a relevant answer that even addressed the USG part without reading it. Saved myself time. Very efficient.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 10:42     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
What kind of student is your junior? I moved both my junior and senior years and while it was pretty terrible socially I was a really strong student and that helped with the moves because a few teachers (and a college counselor) paid attention to me and I was able to have success in one area of my life. My dyslexic sibling that struggled in school had a much more difficult time moving even thought they were younger.

Fast forward 30 years and we also faced this choice with one of our kids. I ended up stayed behind so he could finish up his senior year at his school. While that year was good for him, it did make the first year of college tough because he came home to a new home, which wasn't ideal either especially with Covid.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2023 09:56     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
I don't think we can answer this question but it should be fairly easy for you OP.

1) what does your child think? If she's excited, pursue it. If she objects, don't move her.
2) if kid agrees to move, start calling private schools. you're going to have to call one after another. Many don't take senior admissions. Some do. You'll have to do the leg work.