Anonymous wrote:It's absolutely worth it, and people are absolutely kidding themselves when they say they've aged the same way as childless women. The sleep factor alone is huge.

In the little kid years that’s true but it all catches up in your 50s.

It's absolutely worth it, and people are absolutely kidding themselves when they say they've aged the same way as childless women. The sleep factor alone is huge.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with the PPs who say this makes you unfit to be a parent. It is normal and understandable to want to look good and to worry about uncontrollable impacts on your looks. I worried about this and it's one reason among many that I am done at one child. I came out completely unscathed by sheer luck, genetics, and because I gave birth on the young side. But I won't risk it again - even some of my fittest, thinnest friends have stretch marks and loose abs.

The bolded is true - but that's not what the OP is asking. She genuinely wonders whether it's worth it to have children, if that means a negative impact on her appearance. I've enjoyed a lot of the perks that come with being attractive and it literally never occurred to me that those are more important than the experience of having children. Comparing the value of my looks to that my children isn't even worth mentioning.

Yes, but the PP is saying she won't even risk stretch marks to have another baby. So, she answered the question: No, having kids is not worth the risk (in PP's opinion).

The better question is:
In 10 years when the wrinkles and grey have set in (because they will regardless of what route you go), would you rather be sitting at the thanksgiving table alone or with your kids?

Alone! Much more peaceful.

Haha well then no kids is the right choice for you! And that’s totally fine !

Can’t imagine it. I love our big family holidays with all the cousins, aunts and uncles. Family is everything to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with the PPs who say this makes you unfit to be a parent. It is normal and understandable to want to look good and to worry about uncontrollable impacts on your looks. I worried about this and it's one reason among many that I am done at one child. I came out completely unscathed by sheer luck, genetics, and because I gave birth on the young side. But I won't risk it again - even some of my fittest, thinnest friends have stretch marks and loose abs.

The bolded is true - but that's not what the OP is asking. She genuinely wonders whether it's worth it to have children, if that means a negative impact on her appearance. I've enjoyed a lot of the perks that come with being attractive and it literally never occurred to me that those are more important than the experience of having children. Comparing the value of my looks to that my children isn't even worth mentioning.

Yes, but the PP is saying she won't even risk stretch marks to have another baby. So, she answered the question: No, having kids is not worth the risk (in PP's opinion).

The better question is:
In 10 years when the wrinkles and grey have set in (because they will regardless of what route you go), would you rather be sitting at the thanksgiving table alone or with your kids?

Alone! Much more peaceful.

Haha well then no kids is the right choice for you! And that’s totally fine !

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with the PPs who say this makes you unfit to be a parent. It is normal and understandable to want to look good and to worry about uncontrollable impacts on your looks. I worried about this and it's one reason among many that I am done at one child. I came out completely unscathed by sheer luck, genetics, and because I gave birth on the young side. But I won't risk it again - even some of my fittest, thinnest friends have stretch marks and loose abs.

The bolded is true - but that's not what the OP is asking. She genuinely wonders whether it's worth it to have children, if that means a negative impact on her appearance. I've enjoyed a lot of the perks that come with being attractive and it literally never occurred to me that those are more important than the experience of having children. Comparing the value of my looks to that my children isn't even worth mentioning.

Yes, but the PP is saying she won't even risk stretch marks to have another baby. So, she answered the question: No, having kids is not worth the risk (in PP's opinion).

The better question is:
In 10 years when the wrinkles and grey have set in (because they will regardless of what route you go), would you rather be sitting at the thanksgiving table alone or with your kids?

Alone! Much more peaceful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, there was no question. I always wanted kids and am happy to have them. I also got lucky and got two awesome kids.

But, seriously, if you are even asking this question, just don't have kids. Your priorities are screwed up. If you were asking about risks to your -health- and the changes that can happen with pregnancy to your health, that would be one thing. But your looks? Nope. Don't have kids. Just do what you do best and focus on yourself.

Disagree, it's a fine question to ask. Your looks are part of who you are, and feeling upset about your changing body is a really common effect of pregnancy and parenting (also associated with PPD). And that's without the unrealistic pressure we put on women to "bounce back." We are allowed to care how we look.

Worrying about this does not make OP unfit to parent, it makes her honest with herself about whether she's ready to be a parent.

Can't possibly disagree more. If this is a big point of concern for OP, s/he is in no way ready to be a parent. S/he will not have total control over this outcome, or any other part of the outcome, for that matter. There are already too many selfish, immature people out there sucking at parenting. There is no shortage of children in the world. Anyone who isn't all-in on being a parent should just abstain.

Yea, agree with this. It’s totally insane to ask this question.

(1) these decisions really should be happening separately - and I say this as a vain person who got Botox and filler regularly before getting pregnant. Still colors hair while pregnant and wears make everyday. But like…my god, even I can see that one question is MUCH BIGGER and more life changing than the other. BTW, i plan to return to the botox, filler etc after done w/ breastfeeding (I can afford it). I do plan to continue to care what i look like, but it’s just not that complicated. I can have both and if my looks suffer a little, so be it. But as importantly see #2.

(2) you’re going to age and get ugly. Sorry but it’s just true. That’s gonna happen regardless of whether you have kids. You really need to start coming to terms w that and just enjoy the different stages of life. I am having my first kid at 38. I was pretty hot for many decades. I’m 100% ready to accept whatever i look like after this. Even after spending thousands on my looks, there is more to life than just that! Particularly as I get older.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of it is related to having kids, not just the pregnancy. And YES kids are worth it. If this is even a question, maybe don’t have kids, surrogate or not. No Botox or retinol during pregnancy and maybe breastfeeding can explain the wrinkles, but having the baby and being busy and sleep deprived doesn’t help. Same re hair, I think not all types of hair dye are safe in pregnancy, but it’s also not always as much of a priority to stay on top of your hair when you’re caring for a newborn.

I'm already sleep deprived and I don't even have kids! I don't feel I aged but I have certain traits that make me appear younger. It runs in the family. I also don't use botox and have no wrinkles. I did lose 35lbs though and I am thin and fit and an almost daily gym goer. I don't dye my hair either but I have seen pregnant women that look to be in their late 40's or 50's to me. I just wonder if it's rapid aging during pregnancy.

Yes having children ages you. Each mothers telomeres age up to 4 years older for each kid than peers without children. Sone research says it is up to 13 yrs per child. Google it.

I can honestly say I never really considered how motherhood would impact my looks/body (with my first one). It takes time, but I do bounce back and look pretty good after kids. In six month postpartum with my third and feeling attractive again. I know it impacts different women differently.

Absolutely. It would be incredibly shallow to not have children because it would change your looks. I can’t believe women care about this that much. I truly don’t GAF. It’s freeing to spend your time loving your kids and living life.

Anonymous wrote:LOL yes. See, I was going to get old and die eventually anyway.

+1

LOL yes. See, I was going to get old and die eventually anyway.

I have 10 lbs I've never been able to lose after having kids, but it's my fault, not theirs. I was pregnant in the summer and somehow thought ice cream had no calories when you're pregnant.

The biggest stressor on my looks was the loss of beloved family members, not my kids.

Yes 100% worth it. I got lucky because I am petite and lost all the baby weight within 12 weeks with my first 2. I’m now a couple years out from baby #3 and still a bit softer than before with an extra 2-3 lbs. which means I’m more of a size 2/4 than a size 0/2 like before.

Wrinkles are worse, but that would have happened no matter what and plus there is Botox. I still prioritize getting frequent balayage and cuts to keep my hair fresh and have a very light makeup routine.

The biggest change is that I no longer feel motivated to dress up cute. What is the point when I work from home and otherwise spend my free time taking kids to the park or sports practices. I still try to look out together-ish but it’s a lot more athleisure wear, leggings and sweaters, jeans and a basic top, etc. Can’t remember the last time I wore heels or even anything cocktail attire-ish.

pregnancy definitely took a hit on my looks, but the bigger problem was that pregnancy activated an auto immune disease and I could barely walk. And one of my kids is special needs. I still would do it again because I wanted my children. But yes, definitely bad things can happen and you have to really want it

I feel like most women would say it was absolutely worth it and most men would say that it wasn’t worth the change to their wife’s looks

although I disagree that it takes the toll you mention. My child free friends look the same as me but I feel younger! Children make you feel and act young!