Anonymous wrote:Umm I think you should go to work.

I think even asking for the time off makes you look bad. It doesn’t look like you value family but rather like you’re the nightmare mother in law who can’t even give her DIL space to give birth in peace.

Does your DIL want you there?

Have you talked to your son???

Realistically, they would probably be just as happy (if not significantly happier) to have you meet the baby a few days (or a week) after the birth.

Op lied. She doesn't want to give her employee paid time off

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

My parents were our overnight childcare for our older child when our second child was born. If they backed out a week before, I would have had to give birth alone or bring a toddler to the hospital. Everyone we knew well enough to watch our kid on short notice in the middle of the night also had young kids they couldn’t leave.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter who is giving birth -- its your grandchild being born.

Tell that to the people who are like "See you in 2 weeks MIL" so this isn't some slam dunk of course she needs to be there situation.

dp You are being disingenuous. You know there is a big difference between op's situation and if she was the MIL. It is none of op's business how her employee spends her time.

If the baby is due in a week and you have not discussed when you will visit - at the hospital? At home after a few days? In a week? Then you probably are not needed at the hospital.

However if you were my MIL and you went to a large off-site meeting the day I was having a baby, you would be waiting a week or two to meet the baby. Everyone I know who has gone to an all-hands or conference type meeting in the last month has gotten Covid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter who is giving birth -- its your grandchild being born.

Tell that to the people who are like "See you in 2 weeks MIL" so this isn't some slam dunk of course she needs to be there situation.

This is a choice between being away at a work event and LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE. Maybe the grandmother wants to be with other family members, maybe existing grandkids, maybe at home looking over baby pictures of her son, maybe holding hands with her husband thinking about their life. Maybe she is hoping that the new parents decide to let her visit for an hour. Whatever.

Whatever, she probably just wants to avoid the work trip. It's not like this pregnancy hasn't been known for 9 months and she just now needs the time off.

The OP said the DIL is being induced, so she has not known that date for 9 months.

Anonymous wrote:My Dad did not even take off when I was born. He dropped my Mom off on way to work.

Was he actually your father?

Anonymous wrote:My Dad did not even take off when I was born. He dropped my Mom off on way to work.

That's sad. How old are you?

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

This is entirely different. Give the employee the time off. It is none of your business and yes if you refuse you are the ASS

This depends on a ton of factors. How close are you to your son? How close are you to your daughter in law? What kind of relationship do you want to have with your grandkids? What would you be doing if you didn't have the work event?

If you would be probably scheduling a first visit for when they're home from the hospital anyway, then carry on with your work thing. That sounds great. (And is what my in-laws would have done).

If you would have been in the hospital waiting room during labor and seen the baby pretty soon after he or she was born in the hospital, and if that is an experience that you would value, definitely bow out of the work thing. (What my mom would have done with her DIL)

Either way is totally fine, they're just different. It's fine to visit later, it's fine to cancel a work thing for a baby in the family.

Anonymous wrote:Not sure where to post this but it is work related. Say you have a work event or offsite next week with a large team. if your DIL (not your daughter, your son’s wife) is pregnant and getting induced on Monday, would you today, bow out of attending the event altogether? Citing family as a priority? It hasn’t been a high risk pregnancy at all btw…. My husband and I discussed this and it would be the equivalent of my FIL bowing out of a work trip when I delivered my baby years ago. It’s not like he would have been in my delivery room?! and he and the rest of the in laws came to see us 3 days later when I was discharged and comfortable at home. But maybe AITA here.

I would not bow out since it is your DIL. Have you spoken to your son? Is your DIL's mom coming to visit? If so, I would ask him what they want and then plan accordingly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter who is giving birth -- its your grandchild being born.

Tell that to the people who are like "See you in 2 weeks MIL" so this isn't some slam dunk of course she needs to be there situation.

This is a choice between being away at a work event and LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE. Maybe the grandmother wants to be with other family members, maybe existing grandkids, maybe at home looking over baby pictures of her son, maybe holding hands with her husband thinking about their life. Maybe she is hoping that the new parents decide to let her visit for an hour. Whatever.

Whatever, she probably just wants to avoid the work trip. It's not like this pregnancy hasn't been known for 9 months and she just now needs the time off.

Anonymous wrote:My Dad did not even take off when I was born. He dropped my Mom off on way to work.

Did he have multiple remote jobs by any chance?

My ILs came to visit me (and baby and DH) in the hospital the day after our baby was born. My parents had to fly in but my ILs are only a 1.5 hour drive away so they came and met the baby before my parents. The baby is their grandchild too. I would never criticize anyone for wanting to meet their grandchild (assuming the parents want visitors).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, the framing of this from the subject line messed everything up.

This situation is not about the DIL/MIL relationship at all. It is about a parent to somebody who is about to become a parent.

No right or wrong there, but the DIL is not the most relevant party in this sitation.

????

If the DIL actually doesn't want to see MIL for the first week, then maybe MIL should know that before asking for leave for the wrong week. IDIOT.
Of course it's about what the DIL wants. OP should ask her.

OP was trying to be sneaky and implied this was her situation but in reality she is just annoyed that one of her employees has declined to attend an off-site dinner due to the imminent birth of the employees grandchild, and thinks because SHE wouldn't prioritize her sons having a baby over work, that this employee should not.

OP, even though I did not see my in laws until i left the hospital, they traveled to us two days before i was induced, began preparing food and the house, and took care of my dog—allowing my husband to actually be with me in the hospital. That was actually a really important support for me, as my parents were in a nursing home.

Or grandma may be providing childcare for other kids while the parents are in the hospital.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter who is giving birth -- its your grandchild being born.

Tell that to the people who are like "See you in 2 weeks MIL" so this isn't some slam dunk of course she needs to be there situation.

This is a choice between being away at a work event and LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE. Maybe the grandmother wants to be with other family members, maybe existing grandkids, maybe at home looking over baby pictures of her son, maybe holding hands with her husband thinking about their life. Maybe she is hoping that the new parents decide to let her visit for an hour. Whatever.