My two cents: usually private isn’t worth it.

I’m not in the DC area but I started reading this blog because I was looking for math enrichment for my child and couldn’t decide between Russian Math and AOPS.

Many moons ago, I went to a top public school and then a top private school. For a variety of reasons I was private all the way.

And at first I loved our private school. I loved the alleged whole child approach. We had so many specials! We didn’t have to worry about testing! The environment “fostered creativity” and “a love of learning!”

But then I noticed that my child couldn’t understand a lick of Spanish after five years. (Mind you, my parents speak a much harder foreign language to each other around my child, just some of the time, and my child understands it perfectly.)

And then came the issues with math. My kid was bored silly. I was told that enrichment would be offered. The learning specialist was supposed to tailor to my child. But no, enrichment math consisted of completely historically inaccurate nonsense about Einstein’s nonexistent learning disability. No actual math happened; hence, my need to hire a tutor. Which led to the question, if I need to hire tutors, why bother with private in the first place?

So, we decided to give public a try and I couldn’t be more pleased. Yes, the classes are larger, but the teachers are far, far more qualified. There’s more enrichment, more competition, more of everything. The district doesn’t offer Spanish until higher grades, but my child is taking private lessons and finally speaks Spanish!

I’m left with a sick feeling about the private school we went to. It’s cultish to me and I don’t mean religiously. The bulk of the parents see themselves as progressive Liberals. But I see them as a bunch of elitists who are providing their children with a subpar education in the name of being at an exclusive, expensive private school. They keep telling themselves it’s better than public, but it’s not. It’s so much worse.

I thought that maybe it was just the private schools in my city, but talking to friends with kids at top notch Manhattan schools, it’s the same at most of the NAIS schools. Education in America is dismal at the moment, but strictly for academics, I think the best bet is a good public school district.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in northern Virginia and have one child, a son in fourth grade. He finishes his work early and is often bored, scores advanced on the standardized tests, and is in the gifted program. Our elementary school is fine, but quite overcrowded and the teachers spend a lot of time on the students who are struggling, so students like our son don't get much attention. Our big concern comes in sixth grade, when we are zoned for a not-great middle school. The high school is better, but not great.

We had never really thought about private school until the past few months. Our HHI is 425k. Our mortgage plus interest/taxes is about $4,100/month, and our only other fixed monthly expense is $800/month in student loans. By most American standards I know our HHI is high, but for the DC area -- and particularly the DC-area private school families -- it is not that high. $50k/month would not put us in debt, but we'd definitely need to reprioritize a whole lot of things like house renovations, vacations, etc. I'm also concerned that he would be the ostracized "poor kid" in a private school, and we wouldn't be able to give very large donations, etc. Interested if others in our income range have faced this decision and what they did.

What in the world? There is no scenario where your kid will be the "poor kid" in any private school in the DMV. And as a family on financial aid, even if you were "poor" but private school families, I think it's weird that you think your kid would be ostracized for it.

Agree. OP, it sounds like you are clueless about the HHI range of people who send their kids to private. We have half your HHI and our kids are not the “poor kids”. I hate that term. Also, I have never, ever heard my DCs talk about the wealth or lack thereof regarding classmates.

+1
After Christmas break last year I asked my daughter where her friends went for vacation. She rolled her eyes and said 'we don't talk about that because not everyone goes on nice vacations'. She was in 6th grade. I thought that was awesome!

Very nice! Your child sounds more thoughtful/empathetic than most adults.

Private to public and never been happier. So many more activities, opportunities for friends that have similar interests. My kid is a lot more creative too- it's funny but private in hindsight was so focused on their agenda, there was little room (only lip service) about whole child focus. Also, the families in my public are wealthy. More than I could have imagined. I am talking houses in other countries, country clubs, fancy cars and jobs. It is very similar to what we found in our private. I used to think we were going to be the exception.

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Anonymous wrote:We made double that amount twenty years ago, also lived in NOVA, and it never occurred to us to send our smart kids (and they sound a lot like your smart kid) to private. I’m sure your middle school and high schools are just fine, and it’ll do your kid some good to be exposed to different levels of intellectual ability, family and cultural backgrounds, and economic diversity.

Uh, NOVA is quite different than 20 years ago. You have no idea how public schools are different now. And I say this as a product of FCPS schools.

How are FCPS different now? My DC is in a private now and I’ve been thinking of pulling her out for our local elementary which is considered to be very good. We’re in Langley high school pyramid and Langley also very good. Everything I hear about the publics is good. I always imagined private for my kids because the people I knew from private school were just smarter — they were well rounded, they knew more about lots of subjects, they were better read, they are generally better writers, they are poised public speakers, and they present better. But now that we’re in private I find it to be a bunch of parents of mediocre achievement who have family money and belong to country clubs. My spouse and I are high achieving and place a high value on education and we couldn’t care less about a country club. I’m not finding it to be a great fit culturally. DC is still too young for me to know how the education stacks up.

Anonymous wrote:Mine would be sad to lose his friends. Would never cross my mind to send him anywhere other than where he wants to go.
Whatever school teach in US from grades 5-12 can be explained to a smart kid in two months.
You might be saying that he is unhappy because of school, but seems like you are.

I'm sorry you don't understand the American school system and the various choices available to families, particularly those with stronger academic rigor and social opportunities beyond those available in some neighborhoods.

Mine would be sad to lose his friends. Would never cross my mind to send him anywhere other than where he wants to go.
Whatever school teach in US from grades 5-12 can be explained to a smart kid in two months.
You might be saying that he is unhappy because of school, but seems like you are.

Anonymous wrote:But the question is what you consider to be a “better” education. There are a lot of factors at play and private school is not always better.

Well, document everything there is to know about the individual in question. Then, go and visit all the schools within a reasonable distance from your house and see if you can align the individual with a school. When the match the "better" fit you have your answer and criteria. Asking strangers how to make a one size fits all education for a random individual we don't know is ridiculous. Different schools offer different things and have different resources, values, focus areas, etc.

But the question is what you consider to be a “better” education. There are a lot of factors at play and private school is not always better.

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Anonymous wrote:We made double that amount twenty years ago, also lived in NOVA, and it never occurred to us to send our smart kids (and they sound a lot like your smart kid) to private. I’m sure your middle school and high schools are just fine, and it’ll do your kid some good to be exposed to different levels of intellectual ability, family and cultural backgrounds, and economic diversity.

I see that as selfish, no offense. If you have extra money, why not invest it in your kids?

Let’s see. I paid for my kids to live in a very nice neighborhood and attend top colleges. I also paid for their weddings, provided down payments for their homes, routinely take them on vacations, with my spouse have provided them with so much free and loving child care that their kids have never once had to have a nanny or go to day care, and I will be leaving each one of them a seven figure inheritance.

I’d say my kids have done pretty well by me (and my spouse).

Sounds like you could afford to give them a better education, which is worth way more than money. You don't lose an education through inflation, or when the stock or property market crashes. Education and the ability to make good decisions ricochets through the generations and doesn't come with a dollar sign. It's not what you value, we get that.

I love this. You summed it up so so so well. This is the kind of assessment of education that everyone needs to have. Bravo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We made double that amount twenty years ago, also lived in NOVA, and it never occurred to us to send our smart kids (and they sound a lot like your smart kid) to private. I’m sure your middle school and high schools are just fine, and it’ll do your kid some good to be exposed to different levels of intellectual ability, family and cultural backgrounds, and economic diversity.

That’s because public around here was still relatively OKAY TWENTY YEARS AGO

Things have changed and that an understatement

Truth. Public has really taken a dive, and I've got one in public and one in private. I'm not sure if I could send the one in private back to public.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Specifically this was my first post:

We made double that amount twenty years ago, also lived in NOVA, and it never occurred to us to send our smart kids (and they sound a lot like your smart kid) to private. I’m sure your middle school and high schools are just fine, and it’ll do your kid some good to be exposed to different levels of intellectual ability, family and cultural backgrounds, and economic diversity.

And this was one of the first responses:

I see that as selfish. Why not invest your money in your kids?

I mean, really? Rather than engage intelligently, this poster chose to insult me. I didn’t insult anyone in MY post.

You didn't insult anyone but you do make a lot of assumptions that all public schools are fine, and that all private schools don't have different levels of intellectual ability, family and cultural backgrounds, and economic diversity. I don't think you know much about all of the private school offerings in this area and you've decided that your choice is best for everyone. I don't care to argue with you and am not offended by your opinion, my family has had a different experience than yours.

I made no such assumptions. I only went with what she said. She said the NOVA public high school in question was “better but not great” compared to the middle school. NOVA high schools generally range from average to excellent and very few are terrible. I suspect OP is in Fairfax County, and if she were in one of the few really low performing schools there she would have said it. She clearly is not in a terrible school district.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We made double that amount twenty years ago, also lived in NOVA, and it never occurred to us to send our smart kids (and they sound a lot like your smart kid) to private. I’m sure your middle school and high schools are just fine, and it’ll do your kid some good to be exposed to different levels of intellectual ability, family and cultural backgrounds, and economic diversity.

I see that as selfish, no offense. If you have extra money, why not invest it in your kids?

Let’s see. I paid for my kids to live in a very nice neighborhood and attend top colleges. I also paid for their weddings, provided down payments for their homes, routinely take them on vacations, with my spouse have provided them with so much free and loving child care that their kids have never once had to have a nanny or go to day care, and I will be leaving each one of them a seven figure inheritance.

I’d say my kids have done pretty well by me (and my spouse).

Sounds like you could afford to give them a better education, which is worth way more than money. You don't lose an education through inflation, or when the stock or property market crashes. Education and the ability to make good decisions ricochets through the generations and doesn't come with a dollar sign. It's not what you value, we get that.

You really drank the kool aid, huh? You have nothing tangible to back up anything that you just said.

The tangible is actually in all the stats. Private school kids are statistically more represented at all levels of leadership. About 8% of kids attend a private school in the US, but look at any industry or society and senior leaders are more likely than 8% to have attended private schools. Many of those leaders have a combination of public/private experience. My kids do and many others on this forum also do. It's not all or nothing, some of us are actually balanced and well rounded.

Association and causation are two different things. Surely your kids were taught that in private school.

It doesn't matter if it's association or causation if you think about it - one in the same at the root.

Tell that to a scientist and they’ll laugh you out of the room.

Except if they are a social scientist, then they will nod along. And, we are talking about social science here.

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Specifically this was my first post:

We made double that amount twenty years ago, also lived in NOVA, and it never occurred to us to send our smart kids (and they sound a lot like your smart kid) to private. I’m sure your middle school and high schools are just fine, and it’ll do your kid some good to be exposed to different levels of intellectual ability, family and cultural backgrounds, and economic diversity.

And this was one of the first responses:

I see that as selfish. Why not invest your money in your kids?

I mean, really? Rather than engage intelligently, this poster chose to insult me. I didn’t insult anyone in MY post.

You didn't insult anyone but you do make a lot of assumptions that all public schools are fine, and that all private schools don't have different levels of intellectual ability, family and cultural backgrounds, and economic diversity. I don't think you know much about all of the private school offerings in this area and you've decided that your choice is best for everyone. I don't care to argue with you and am not offended by your opinion, my family has had a different experience than yours.

PP here. Specifically this was my first post:

We made double that amount twenty years ago, also lived in NOVA, and it never occurred to us to send our smart kids (and they sound a lot like your smart kid) to private. I’m sure your middle school and high schools are just fine, and it’ll do your kid some good to be exposed to different levels of intellectual ability, family and cultural backgrounds, and economic diversity.

And this was one of the first responses:

I see that as selfish. Why not invest your money in your kids?

I mean, really? Rather than engage intelligently, this poster chose to insult me. I didn’t insult anyone in MY post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm never going to try to convince anyone to go to my private school, there are so many qualified applicants who can't get in we certainly don't need any more. I don't want them adding more spots either, we are paying a lot to get away from overcrowding and a school for the masses.

If you're interested in private school go to a bunch of open houses and see for yourself what the differences are. Many people think it's not worth their money or they can't afford it and they head to public school. I'm glad there are a lot of choices out there for all of us.

Best answer on this forum. Couldn't agree more.

Yes to this.

This thread has turned into petty bickering between a public school parent who has become a troll and others.

That is so unfair. Go back and read my first post. I offered a reasonable opinion and the first response was from a private school parent who labeled me selfish and a lousy parent. Who’s the troll again?