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Anonymous wrote:Some of this could be solved by making more food for meals so there's plenty for everybody to get their fill at mealtime + leftovers that can be first come/first serve.

In our house, family-style takeout (pizza, Chinese) is fair game. We order plenty of food for whoever is home at mealtime and then any leftovers are first come/first serve. It's not like, there are 4 of us and 16 slices of pizza so each person gets 4 slices to eat now or later. Nope, eat however much you want now, and the rest is fair game.

If there are leftovers of individually-ordered items (like we all go out to dinner and DD brings home half her pasta dish) it belongs to the person who ordered it.

Totally different in my house. If my husband eats 3 slices of pizza and I eat 2, then I have 2 slices coming to me and he has 1. He would never eat my leftover pizza. He knows it will not end well for him.

This mentality is so strange. People eat different amounts. You expect the same exact portion for each person.

I will say, though, that since my DH and I were not raised by wolves, we always ask each other if they wanted more of something before we finish it. when a household gets big it's not always feasible to check with everyone, and it should be considered fair game unless you yourself set aside a porch with your name on it.

People eat different amounts at one time, but given enough time, I can eat the same amount of pizza as my husband. Why should he get more of that cheesy, tomatoey goodness just because he has a bigger stomach? I can have my two leftover slices for lunch, he can have his one leftover slice and a side salad for lunch.

DP with a question: Say it's the day after your pizza dinner and those 3 leftover slices are in the fridge. It's lunchtime and you are out of the house grabbing lunch with a friend. He's home and hungry. Can he eat the leftovers or does he still have to save 2 of them for you?

He would ask me and I would answer depending on what I was feeling like.

See, I think it would be courteous of him to ask (and I'd think the same if you had eaten more of the pizza the first time around as it's always courteous to ask before finishing the last of something), but I can't imagine saying no!

Courteous, maybe. But overkill. Team DH here.

The only thing killed would be my husband if he touches my pizza. And he knows it.

Ok pizza lady, you may think you're being cute, but it's really not.

This level of slice counting would never fly in a family with more than 2 ppl.

My husband thinks I’m cute and that the only opinion that matters.

I think you're cute too, but I haven't seen what all that pizza has done to you.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

+1 We always save food for a family member if they're eating later. It's so rude not to.

Although my sister and our brothers used to get so annoyed with each other because she would save her dessert or part of her meal, then expect it to be there the next day. Of course they would eat it. I kind of see both points of view on this. She preferred to eat her portion at a different time, and they were hungry teens who wanted another helping at dinner that she wasn't eating. I guess it depends whether you're a "here's your share" kind of person vs. a "it's dinner time everyone eat your fill" kind of person.

I feel like this encourages strange eating habits--it's not really fair if someone isn't super hungry right at that moment to insist that they eat all their portion right then, otherwise it's open season for others to grab. Especially if it's dessert. It would just cause a scarcity mentality and overeating in some people.

Interesting! My sister does have a scarcity mentality and I never connected the dots. No overeating though. She's always looking to see if anyone got more of anything than she did. Our mom used to joke that she counts strands of spaghetti. I love my sister but she's a real pill about this.

One time I visited her, and I had the last glass of a 99 cent 2-liter bottle of soda. Her family had a bit of it too, and we drank it over a few days. She tore me a new one. She went on and on about how it was a special treat and she didn't get any. Carrying on "Don't I deserve soda too?" I didn't know she didn't get any. It had been open in the fridge for a few days, so it was there for anyone who wanted it. I offered to buy a new bottle. Not good enough. I just couldn't understand this whole tearful rant about a 99 cent bottle of soda. She had plenty of money. I left early and didn't talk to her for a while after that.

Now I feel bad, like my brothers created this in her.

No, that's probably something like autism or anxiety disorder. My daughter is like this.

Even my teenage son will ask if he can have the last piece of pizza! (The answer is always yes). I think it’s rude to plow through the fridge and pantry gorging with abandon without consideration that there are other family members in the household.

My best friend was one of eight and dinner was all there was. There was juuuuust enough for everyone but it was a total free for all and the fastest boys gobbled up anything left in the pot. I never wanted to eat over there, but they did always have ice cream in the freezer. Some of them are still weird about food.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So this is interesting I thought everyone did the flowers and name when it came to birthday cakes . Growing up in the circle I did, the birthday child’s name was always saved for them or their picture if it was a photo cake. Then other kids or adults would choose to eat the icing flowers slices.

No, to answer the is food thrown away, no so the food would then be open grounds for anyone present to take a second or third helping so the person who wasn’t there for dinner would be fending for themselves and grabbing whatever other leftovers are in the fridge or cooking themselves something. However they decide.

Yes, birthday kid always gets to pick their slice! Everybody knows this!

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Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

Yeah, I mean, don't you make enough food for 4 (or whatever number of people)? And so if the 3 people at home eat the food for 4, aren't they overeating? That sounds greedy.

I do think this is, at least partly, a family size thing.
I have 4 kids, including 2 teens. If I make enough food for 6 of us, 5 people can eat all of it pretty easily.

I guess I don't understand why you think a 5-person meal is "enough for six." Why not just make enough for 6 people to eat until they're full?

Spoken like someone who does not have teen boys. They don’t get full. They could always eat another chicken breast (though vegetables sometimes get left over). If I want to save a helping I pre-remove it before serving.

+1 Teen girls too. Mine is a serious athlete and could sit there inhaling a third or fourth chicken breast along with a mountain of whatever else we have. I also save someone a meal before putting out the rest or else it's gone.

Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

+1

I'm with you, OP. MIL had more kids than she could handle, and some truly (truly) suffered for it. MIL was checked out, and not into raising her kids, as much as she was about checking the boxes. It is sad to see the ramifications, but MIL also grew up that way, and sees no problem with it. She will never change. DH suffered because he acts the way you described. Not having enough food, but claiming that you do, is a big deal for MIL. In other words, she wanted people to think she was/is competent, at her only job, but she just was not - she was greatly overwhelmed, and it showed.

I mention this in light of your question, and also because MIl knew enough to play favorites, which is hurtful and malicious.
Any time SIL and SIL's family was late for anything, MIL knew to save food for them. Anyone else was on their own.
MIL tended to make it about me, because she knew she was wrong. When you do not save food on a major holiday, for some immediate family members, but you do for others - that is really, really, really messed up. MIL is messed up in the head, and it came to light with new females added to the family, over the years.

Turns out, MIL and SIL are codependent. SIL was also codependent on other SIL, but other SIL (thankfully) put a stop to it, fairly recently.

All this to say, I am not sure what to tell you, but if you are able to nip this primitve behavior in the bud, good on you - because it is very real and very destructive. No immediate family members should be treated in such a cold, caluclating, and selfish manner - least of all, growing children.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

Yeah, I mean, don't you make enough food for 4 (or whatever number of people)? And so if the 3 people at home eat the food for 4, aren't they overeating? That sounds greedy.

I do think this is, at least partly, a family size thing.
I have 4 kids, including 2 teens. If I make enough food for 6 of us, 5 people can eat all of it pretty easily.

I guess I don't understand why you think a 5-person meal is "enough for six." Why not just make enough for 6 people to eat until they're full?

Spoken like someone who does not have teen boys. They don’t get full. They could always eat another chicken breast (though vegetables sometimes get left over). If I want to save a helping I pre-remove it before serving.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

Yeah, I mean, don't you make enough food for 4 (or whatever number of people)? And so if the 3 people at home eat the food for 4, aren't they overeating? That sounds greedy.

I do think this is, at least partly, a family size thing.
I have 4 kids, including 2 teens. If I make enough food for 6 of us, 5 people can eat all of it pretty easily.

I guess I don't understand why you think a 5-person meal is "enough for six." Why not just make enough for 6 people to eat until they're full?

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Anonymous wrote:So if your driving and you have a kid who gets to the front seat first, Dad will sit in the back? I suspect these rules only come out when they don't involve him.

Lol! My teen jumps in the front seat if I'm driving and he beats dad out the door!

Seriously? Your husband prefers the front seat but doesn’t get it if the teen gets there first? That’s even crazier than some of the other crazy things on this thread. The people who paid for the car get to sit where they want.

Ha. Np. My only child started calling shotgun as soon as he was allowed to ride in the front seat. I said oh honey, no, it doesn't work that way with parents.

Your husband is rude.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't care how you were raised, I can't imagine gobbling up all of dinner knowing that my teen is going to be hungry when he gets home.

+1 We always save food for a family member if they're eating later. It's so rude not to.

Although my sister and our brothers used to get so annoyed with each other because she would save her dessert or part of her meal, then expect it to be there the next day. Of course they would eat it. I kind of see both points of view on this. She preferred to eat her portion at a different time, and they were hungry teens who wanted another helping at dinner that she wasn't eating. I guess it depends whether you're a "here's your share" kind of person vs. a "it's dinner time everyone eat your fill" kind of person.

I feel like this encourages strange eating habits--it's not really fair if someone isn't super hungry right at that moment to insist that they eat all their portion right then, otherwise it's open season for others to grab. Especially if it's dessert. It would just cause a scarcity mentality and overeating in some people.

Interesting! My sister does have a scarcity mentality and I never connected the dots. No overeating though. She's always looking to see if anyone got more of anything than she did. Our mom used to joke that she counts strands of spaghetti. I love my sister but she's a real pill about this.

One time I visited her, and I had the last glass of a 99 cent 2-liter bottle of soda. Her family had a bit of it too, and we drank it over a few days. She tore me a new one. She went on and on about how it was a special treat and she didn't get any. Carrying on "Don't I deserve soda too?" I didn't know she didn't get any. It had been open in the fridge for a few days, so it was there for anyone who wanted it. I offered to buy a new bottle. Not good enough. I just couldn't understand this whole tearful rant about a 99 cent bottle of soda. She had plenty of money. I left early and didn't talk to her for a while after that.

Now I feel bad, like my brothers created this in her.

Sharing is caring, is the philosophy we live by in my house. It’s just basic decency. Sure, if someone abuses the issue (i.e., decides to hang out with friends instead of going out to dinner with the family), then we might not save something for them, but if they are doing a planned activity, I’m going to ensure they have something to eat after.

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Anonymous wrote:Some of this could be solved by making more food for meals so there's plenty for everybody to get their fill at mealtime + leftovers that can be first come/first serve.

In our house, family-style takeout (pizza, Chinese) is fair game. We order plenty of food for whoever is home at mealtime and then any leftovers are first come/first serve. It's not like, there are 4 of us and 16 slices of pizza so each person gets 4 slices to eat now or later. Nope, eat however much you want now, and the rest is fair game.

If there are leftovers of individually-ordered items (like we all go out to dinner and DD brings home half her pasta dish) it belongs to the person who ordered it.

Totally different in my house. If my husband eats 3 slices of pizza and I eat 2, then I have 2 slices coming to me and he has 1. He would never eat my leftover pizza. He knows it will not end well for him.

This mentality is so strange. People eat different amounts. You expect the same exact portion for each person.

I will say, though, that since my DH and I were not raised by wolves, we always ask each other if they wanted more of something before we finish it. when a household gets big it's not always feasible to check with everyone, and it should be considered fair game unless you yourself set aside a porch with your name on it.

People eat different amounts at one time, but given enough time, I can eat the same amount of pizza as my husband. Why should he get more of that cheesy, tomatoey goodness just because he has a bigger stomach? I can have my two leftover slices for lunch, he can have his one leftover slice and a side salad for lunch.

DP with a question: Say it's the day after your pizza dinner and those 3 leftover slices are in the fridge. It's lunchtime and you are out of the house grabbing lunch with a friend. He's home and hungry. Can he eat the leftovers or does he still have to save 2 of them for you?

He would ask me and I would answer depending on what I was feeling like.

See, I think it would be courteous of him to ask (and I'd think the same if you had eaten more of the pizza the first time around as it's always courteous to ask before finishing the last of something), but I can't imagine saying no!

Courteous, maybe. But overkill. Team DH here.

The only thing killed would be my husband if he touches my pizza. And he knows it.

Ok pizza lady, you may think you're being cute, but it's really not.

This level of slice counting would never fly in a family with more than 2 ppl.

My husband thinks I’m cute and that the only opinion that matters.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of this could be solved by making more food for meals so there's plenty for everybody to get their fill at mealtime + leftovers that can be first come/first serve.

In our house, family-style takeout (pizza, Chinese) is fair game. We order plenty of food for whoever is home at mealtime and then any leftovers are first come/first serve. It's not like, there are 4 of us and 16 slices of pizza so each person gets 4 slices to eat now or later. Nope, eat however much you want now, and the rest is fair game.

If there are leftovers of individually-ordered items (like we all go out to dinner and DD brings home half her pasta dish) it belongs to the person who ordered it.

Totally different in my house. If my husband eats 3 slices of pizza and I eat 2, then I have 2 slices coming to me and he has 1. He would never eat my leftover pizza. He knows it will not end well for him.

This mentality is so strange. People eat different amounts. You expect the same exact portion for each person.

I will say, though, that since my DH and I were not raised by wolves, we always ask each other if they wanted more of something before we finish it. when a household gets big it's not always feasible to check with everyone, and it should be considered fair game unless you yourself set aside a porch with your name on it.

People eat different amounts at one time, but given enough time, I can eat the same amount of pizza as my husband. Why should he get more of that cheesy, tomatoey goodness just because he has a bigger stomach? I can have my two leftover slices for lunch, he can have his one leftover slice and a side salad for lunch.

DP with a question: Say it's the day after your pizza dinner and those 3 leftover slices are in the fridge. It's lunchtime and you are out of the house grabbing lunch with a friend. He's home and hungry. Can he eat the leftovers or does he still have to save 2 of them for you?

He would ask me and I would answer depending on what I was feeling like.

See, I think it would be courteous of him to ask (and I'd think the same if you had eaten more of the pizza the first time around as it's always courteous to ask before finishing the last of something), but I can't imagine saying no!

Courteous, maybe. But overkill. Team DH here.

The only thing killed would be my husband if he touches my pizza. And he knows it.

Ok pizza lady, you may think you're being cute, but it's really not.

This level of slice counting would never fly in a family with more than 2 ppl.

It is just weird. It is just pizza. You can get more.

Op here. The pizza slice counting reminds me of eating at homes as a teen where people order way less than what was needed — 2 large pizzas and 8 people are eating for example. We don’t count pizza slices in our home FWIW but it’s become fair game for if you are not home to just grab a leftover slice of whatever topping unless you specify setting it aside which I’ll do and DH is of course a fair game person with pizza.