Anonymous wrote:This is not aimed at the OP, but at other previous posters. There's absolutely no reason parents need to be so controlling about how and when children eat. The important thing is that they do eat. When children are forced to sit and eat or finish their plates, or milk etc and they are strapped into highchairs while their wants and needs are disregarded the children internalize it can become anxious, feel out of control and stop trusting their own physical responses about if they are full. This is a good way to set your child up with an anxiety disorder, an/or eating disorder. There is absolutely no reason why a child can't feed themselves at a child table. Throwing food is a stage that toddlers love to do. It passes, but a bad relationship with food does not.

Enforcing a rule that eating must happen in the high chair is about location alone not about being forced to sit or clean their plates or whatever else.

If my toddler wants to eat she must sit in the high chair. Period. That's it. If she resisted - I wouldn't actually force her in the chair, she just wouldn't get any food. ("you want the banana, you need to sit in your chair.") It took being 100% consistent but now she knows food = high chair. There is nothing about this position that requires her to eat, clean her plate, or any of the other things mentioned. She has total control of whether and how much she eats.

There is no room in my kitchen for a child table and I don't have the bandwidth to mop the floors 3x/day. (I am totally into RIE, visible child, respectful parenting - holding clear limits is not disrespectful, nor will it create disorders.)

Also funny was "he's 15 months old, not Usain Bolt"

Honestly this all sounds extremely adorable and made smile to picture, but I realize it is stressing you out, OP, so you have my sympathy too!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t follow their parents well. Have nannies, teachers, grandparents, babysitters back you up on their own time and the behavior will shift. Our child is headstrong and ultimately all that works and sticks for the long term is when other caregivers are setting the same expectations and enforcing the same rules.

I’m sorry but what? Kids don’t follow their parents well? Maybe in your household.

Lol ok tough guy.

I am far from "tough" as a parent, but we have been able to teach our child plenty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t follow their parents well. Have nannies, teachers, grandparents, babysitters back you up on their own time and the behavior will shift. Our child is headstrong and ultimately all that works and sticks for the long term is when other caregivers are setting the same expectations and enforcing the same rules.

I’m sorry but what? Kids don’t follow their parents well? Maybe in your household.

Lol ok tough guy.

You would get so much out of PEP. They have online classes and “parenting preschoolers” is a great one.

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t follow their parents well. Have nannies, teachers, grandparents, babysitters back you up on their own time and the behavior will shift. Our child is headstrong and ultimately all that works and sticks for the long term is when other caregivers are setting the same expectations and enforcing the same rules.

I’m sorry but what? Kids don’t follow their parents well? Maybe in your household.

Kids don’t follow their parents well. Have nannies, teachers, grandparents, babysitters back you up on their own time and the behavior will shift. Our child is headstrong and ultimately all that works and sticks for the long term is when other caregivers are setting the same expectations and enforcing the same rules.

Anonymous wrote:This is not aimed at the OP, but at other previous posters. There's absolutely no reason parents need to be so controlling about how and when children eat. The important thing is that they do eat. When children are forced to sit and eat or finish their plates, or milk etc and they are strapped into highchairs while their wants and needs are disregarded the children internalize it can become anxious, feel out of control and stop trusting their own physical responses about if they are full. This is a good way to set your child up with an anxiety disorder, an/or eating disorder. There is absolutely no reason why a child can't feed themselves at a child table. Throwing food is a stage that toddlers love to do. It passes, but a bad relationship with food does not.

If the child doesn't want to eat, take them out of the chair.

Food issues don't come from being strapped in a high chair for 10 minutes. What's next, let them ride in the car without a car seat? Their wants and needs are disregarded in a car seat, too. Do you stop and take them out every time they squawk?

This makes sense. Thank you for the clarification.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not aimed at the OP, but at other previous posters. There's absolutely no reason parents need to be so controlling about how and when children eat. The important thing is that they do eat. When children are forced to sit and eat or finish their plates, or milk etc and they are strapped into highchairs while their wants and needs are disregarded the children internalize it can become anxious, feel out of control and stop trusting their own physical responses about if they are full. This is a good way to set your child up with an anxiety disorder, an/or eating disorder. There is absolutely no reason why a child can't feed themselves at a child table. Throwing food is a stage that toddlers love to do. It passes, but a bad relationship with food does not.

I am one of those who suggested strapping into the high chair (career nanny poster), and I don’t think most people are saying “torture you kid until they join the clean plate club.” I (and others) are saying:
“Strap him in when he is in the high chair so he can’t climb out (because it is dangerous), and if he cries to get down, let him get down but don’t let him bring the food along.”

You can have a rule that food happens at the table without forcing your kid to eat when they aren’t hungry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not aimed at the OP, but at other previous posters. There's absolutely no reason parents need to be so controlling about how and when children eat. The important thing is that they do eat. When children are forced to sit and eat or finish their plates, or milk etc and they are strapped into highchairs while their wants and needs are disregarded the children internalize it can become anxious, feel out of control and stop trusting their own physical responses about if they are full. This is a good way to set your child up with an anxiety disorder, an/or eating disorder. There is absolutely no reason why a child can't feed themselves at a child table. Throwing food is a stage that toddlers love to do. It passes, but a bad relationship with food does not.

I am one of those who suggested strapping into the high chair (career nanny poster), and I don’t think most people are saying “torture you kid until they join the clean plate club.” I (and others) are saying:
“Strap him in when he is in the high chair so he can’t climb out (because it is dangerous), and if he cries to get down, let him get down but don’t let him bring the food along.”

You can have a rule that food happens at the table without forcing your kid to eat when they aren’t hungry.

I’m another strap the kid in poster. I don’t care if they eat. They just have to sit at the table with the rest of the family and if they want to eat it needs to be at the table. I was raised without carting food all over the house and have never had food issues. I can’t imagine the unsanitary mess that would result in letting a toddler eat wherever they want wherever they want; I have a hard enough time keeping up with the cleaning with them just messing up the kitchen multiple times a day.

Anonymous wrote:This is not aimed at the OP, but at other previous posters. There's absolutely no reason parents need to be so controlling about how and when children eat. The important thing is that they do eat. When children are forced to sit and eat or finish their plates, or milk etc and they are strapped into highchairs while their wants and needs are disregarded the children internalize it can become anxious, feel out of control and stop trusting their own physical responses about if they are full. This is a good way to set your child up with an anxiety disorder, an/or eating disorder. There is absolutely no reason why a child can't feed themselves at a child table. Throwing food is a stage that toddlers love to do. It passes, but a bad relationship with food does not.

I am one of those who suggested strapping into the high chair (career nanny poster), and I don’t think most people are saying “torture you kid until they join the clean plate club.” I (and others) are saying:
“Strap him in when he is in the high chair so he can’t climb out (because it is dangerous), and if he cries to get down, let him get down but don’t let him bring the food along.”

You can have a rule that food happens at the table without forcing your kid to eat when they aren’t hungry.

This is not aimed at the OP, but at other previous posters. There's absolutely no reason parents need to be so controlling about how and when children eat. The important thing is that they do eat. When children are forced to sit and eat or finish their plates, or milk etc and they are strapped into highchairs while their wants and needs are disregarded the children internalize it can become anxious, feel out of control and stop trusting their own physical responses about if they are full. This is a good way to set your child up with an anxiety disorder, an/or eating disorder. There is absolutely no reason why a child can't feed themselves at a child table. Throwing food is a stage that toddlers love to do. It passes, but a bad relationship with food does not.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. I'm still reading and thanks for all the concrete advice. I realized some of my responses have probably been making things worse - the loud / stern nos, chasing him down for diaper/nap. He clearly finds them to be amusing and repeats the behavior.

The calm / redirect response takes a lot of patience, and so far hasn't worked that well for me either because he's still not getting the message "i'm not supposed to do x." Like throwing food, either at the high chair or not - I've never scolded him other than a gentle "no" and I show him how I pick it up, sometimes I can get him to pick it up himself if he's not in the high chair. We must have repeated this hundreds of times since he started eating solids, but it has not decreased the frequency of food throwing.

The high chair rejection I can probably be a little more consistent about, not give in so quickly and let him eat while running around.

I do notice he is especially "spirited" (since some PPs took issue with the word "naughty") around me. Much less physical mischief and laughing at the trouble he causes when he's around grandma (whom he sees at least twice a week, so she's not a total stranger).

A little more consistent? That will just confuse him, until he figures out that he can wear you down.

You need to be consistent, OP. You might want to start practicing now.

My SIL used to be like you. Niece and nephew used to just keep doing what they wanted until she gave in. They ate crackers while wandering around the house. Screamed and grabbed until she gave them a drink of her soda. Played with ball point pens and drew all over her leather couch. All easier than being consistent. At 14, my niece loves Lululemon. Now it's "No, K, I'm not spending that much." Two weeks later K has exactly what she asked for.

OP here.. I'm still reading and thanks for all the concrete advice. I realized some of my responses have probably been making things worse - the loud / stern nos, chasing him down for diaper/nap. He clearly finds them to be amusing and repeats the behavior.

The calm / redirect response takes a lot of patience, and so far hasn't worked that well for me either because he's still not getting the message "i'm not supposed to do x." Like throwing food, either at the high chair or not - I've never scolded him other than a gentle "no" and I show him how I pick it up, sometimes I can get him to pick it up himself if he's not in the high chair. We must have repeated this hundreds of times since he started eating solids, but it has not decreased the frequency of food throwing.

The high chair rejection I can probably be a little more consistent about, not give in so quickly and let him eat while running around.

I do notice he is especially "spirited" (since some PPs took issue with the word "naughty") around me. Much less physical mischief and laughing at the trouble he causes when he's around grandma (whom he sees at least twice a week, so she's not a total stranger).