Anonymous wrote:Right now your granddaughter is just an image in your mind, but soon that will change. The name will become associated with all the traits that make your granddaughter her own individual with quirks and likes and dislikes and mannerisms. Give it time and that name will become all her, not the AP. But you have to hang in there and trust that time will do the work of this.

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter!

I would never name my first born same name as a parent’s AP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is fake someone trying to make a point that affairs have long term impact.

And on the small chance it's not fake get over it. You took your flea bag husband back you can get over a name. Get on Google and find 100 other associations for the name of you must.

Don't bring your drama to your daughter. I'd never forgive my mom if she started crap about not liking a name or negative associations etc

You chose to lie about the affair to stay married well you can keep on keeping it to you and DH.

NP not OP, but this thread has had quite a few of these nastily worded "get over it" posts. OP comes here being vulnerable and gets a few kind but frank responses, then gets these petty, mean-spirited replies. This site gets uglier by the day lately. Whether one thinks OP should tell DD all, or say nothing, there is no reason-- except several PPs' needs to feel superior by crapping on OP -- for these posts with a crazy mean tone. Just say you think telling DD is a bad idea, without your weird need to insult OP, who already has enough to deal with. Her choice to take back her DH isn't the issue here, either, and you have zero knowledge of why she is doing that.

I mean, her last line (“all of the joy of being a grandmother is now gone” I’m paraphrasing) is eye opening and not in a good way. Posting here is a good way to get a pulse check and people are looking out for DD who has done nothing wrong beyond excitedly tell her mother she’s settled on a name, and does not deserve to have this dumped on her while pregnant.

It's not a "pulse check" to insult OP personally and insult her choice re: her husband. It's digging in and relishing blaming her personally.

Yes, she engaged in hyperbole with the "all the joy is gone" comment. But I'm wagering those who are opining with such personal vitriol are people who have not themselves ever had to live day in and day out with the fresh pain of learning about a spouse's affair. PPS here couldn't just shrug off the obvious hyperbole and just tell her that she would be making a mistake to turn the baby's name into an issue with DD; they had to get personal about OP as an indivdual. That's what sticks in my craw and what makes this thread and this site more toxic, when it wasn't, not long ago. Few want to answer questions with compassion; it's more fun here to see how you can slam OPs -- in many threads, not just this one -- while padding your slams with "Oh, we're just being frank for your own good! It's just a pulse check!"

I mean, this response comes off you're taking the comments personally. OP can get hyperbolic but responders can't be a little snarky? Have you posted here before? This thread seems pretty tame to me. I think the OP did not do herself any favors by making it all about herself.

NP. And I completely disagree with you. PP was dead-on in describing these snitty, pathetic pile-ons where one snide jackass woman after another tries to really wound OP for the hell of it. For what it’s worth, I come down hard on women who overly focus on the person their DH cheated with, but this is a tough situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is fake someone trying to make a point that affairs have long term impact.

And on the small chance it's not fake get over it. You took your flea bag husband back you can get over a name. Get on Google and find 100 other associations for the name of you must.

Don't bring your drama to your daughter. I'd never forgive my mom if she started crap about not liking a name or negative associations etc

You chose to lie about the affair to stay married well you can keep on keeping it to you and DH.

NP not OP, but this thread has had quite a few of these nastily worded "get over it" posts. OP comes here being vulnerable and gets a few kind but frank responses, then gets these petty, mean-spirited replies. This site gets uglier by the day lately. Whether one thinks OP should tell DD all, or say nothing, there is no reason-- except several PPs' needs to feel superior by crapping on OP -- for these posts with a crazy mean tone. Just say you think telling DD is a bad idea, without your weird need to insult OP, who already has enough to deal with. Her choice to take back her DH isn't the issue here, either, and you have zero knowledge of why she is doing that.

I mean, her last line (“all of the joy of being a grandmother is now gone” I’m paraphrasing) is eye opening and not in a good way. Posting here is a good way to get a pulse check and people are looking out for DD who has done nothing wrong beyond excitedly tell her mother she’s settled on a name, and does not deserve to have this dumped on her while pregnant.

It's not a "pulse check" to insult OP personally and insult her choice re: her husband. It's digging in and relishing blaming her personally.

Yes, she engaged in hyperbole with the "all the joy is gone" comment. But I'm wagering those who are opining with such personal vitriol are people who have not themselves ever had to live day in and day out with the fresh pain of learning about a spouse's affair. PPS here couldn't just shrug off the obvious hyperbole and just tell her that she would be making a mistake to turn the baby's name into an issue with DD; they had to get personal about OP as an indivdual. That's what sticks in my craw and what makes this thread and this site more toxic, when it wasn't, not long ago. Few want to answer questions with compassion; it's more fun here to see how you can slam OPs -- in many threads, not just this one -- while padding your slams with "Oh, we're just being frank for your own good! It's just a pulse check!"

I mean, this response comes off you're taking the comments personally. OP can get hyperbolic but responders can't be a little snarky? Have you posted here before? This thread seems pretty tame to me. I think the OP did not do herself any favors by making it all about herself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is fake someone trying to make a point that affairs have long term impact.

And on the small chance it's not fake get over it. You took your flea bag husband back you can get over a name. Get on Google and find 100 other associations for the name of you must.

Don't bring your drama to your daughter. I'd never forgive my mom if she started crap about not liking a name or negative associations etc

You chose to lie about the affair to stay married well you can keep on keeping it to you and DH.

NP not OP, but this thread has had quite a few of these nastily worded "get over it" posts. OP comes here being vulnerable and gets a few kind but frank responses, then gets these petty, mean-spirited replies. This site gets uglier by the day lately. Whether one thinks OP should tell DD all, or say nothing, there is no reason-- except several PPs' needs to feel superior by crapping on OP -- for these posts with a crazy mean tone. Just say you think telling DD is a bad idea, without your weird need to insult OP, who already has enough to deal with. Her choice to take back her DH isn't the issue here, either, and you have zero knowledge of why she is doing that.

I mean, her last line (“all of the joy of being a grandmother is now gone” I’m paraphrasing) is eye opening and not in a good way. Posting here is a good way to get a pulse check and people are looking out for DD who has done nothing wrong beyond excitedly tell her mother she’s settled on a name, and does not deserve to have this dumped on her while pregnant.

It's not a "pulse check" to insult OP personally and insult her choice re: her husband. It's digging in and relishing blaming her personally.

Yes, she engaged in hyperbole with the "all the joy is gone" comment. But I'm wagering those who are opining with such personal vitriol are people who have not themselves ever had to live day in and day out with the fresh pain of learning about a spouse's affair. PPS here couldn't just shrug off the obvious hyperbole and just tell her that she would be making a mistake to turn the baby's name into an issue with DD; they had to get personal about OP as an indivdual. That's what sticks in my craw and what makes this thread and this site more toxic, when it wasn't, not long ago. Few want to answer questions with compassion; it's more fun here to see how you can slam OPs -- in many threads, not just this one -- while padding your slams with "Oh, we're just being frank for your own good! It's just a pulse check!"

You are living in a fantasy. DCUM was never a place to have your hand held and told your every thought was valid. That's Tumblr and some now defunct mommy forums
We make choices and choices have consequences. She chose to stay with her cheating husband and cover up the affair that's fine.
However she doesn't get to ruin her daughter's moment over it. That is the epitome of narcissism and selfishness.

Anonymous wrote:If you really can’t move past it, tell your DD a white lie that when you were younger (true), someone with this name causes you unbearable emotional pain that you haven’t healed from (true). Your DH should say that he knows this. Just stay vague.
She might change it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you can tell her it’s a lovely name but you have a very bad association with it, so you don’t really like it. You can tell her that once and the. Drop it. If she goes with the name anyway you will very soon have a new and joyful association with the name instead.

Agree

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is fake someone trying to make a point that affairs have long term impact.

And on the small chance it's not fake get over it. You took your flea bag husband back you can get over a name. Get on Google and find 100 other associations for the name of you must.

Don't bring your drama to your daughter. I'd never forgive my mom if she started crap about not liking a name or negative associations etc

You chose to lie about the affair to stay married well you can keep on keeping it to you and DH.

NP not OP, but this thread has had quite a few of these nastily worded "get over it" posts. OP comes here being vulnerable and gets a few kind but frank responses, then gets these petty, mean-spirited replies. This site gets uglier by the day lately. Whether one thinks OP should tell DD all, or say nothing, there is no reason-- except several PPs' needs to feel superior by crapping on OP -- for these posts with a crazy mean tone. Just say you think telling DD is a bad idea, without your weird need to insult OP, who already has enough to deal with. Her choice to take back her DH isn't the issue here, either, and you have zero knowledge of why she is doing that.

I mean, her last line (“all of the joy of being a grandmother is now gone” I’m paraphrasing) is eye opening and not in a good way. Posting here is a good way to get a pulse check and people are looking out for DD who has done nothing wrong beyond excitedly tell her mother she’s settled on a name, and does not deserve to have this dumped on her while pregnant.

It's not a "pulse check" to insult OP personally and insult her choice re: her husband. It's digging in and relishing blaming her personally.

Yes, she engaged in hyperbole with the "all the joy is gone" comment. But I'm wagering those who are opining with such personal vitriol are people who have not themselves ever had to live day in and day out with the fresh pain of learning about a spouse's affair. PPS here couldn't just shrug off the obvious hyperbole and just tell her that she would be making a mistake to turn the baby's name into an issue with DD; they had to get personal about OP as an indivdual. That's what sticks in my craw and what makes this thread and this site more toxic, when it wasn't, not long ago. Few want to answer questions with compassion; it's more fun here to see how you can slam OPs -- in many threads, not just this one -- while padding your slams with "Oh, we're just being frank for your own good! It's just a pulse check!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is fake someone trying to make a point that affairs have long term impact.

And on the small chance it's not fake get over it. You took your flea bag husband back you can get over a name. Get on Google and find 100 other associations for the name of you must.

Don't bring your drama to your daughter. I'd never forgive my mom if she started crap about not liking a name or negative associations etc

You chose to lie about the affair to stay married well you can keep on keeping it to you and DH.

NP not OP, but this thread has had quite a few of these nastily worded "get over it" posts. OP comes here being vulnerable and gets a few kind but frank responses, then gets these petty, mean-spirited replies. This site gets uglier by the day lately. Whether one thinks OP should tell DD all, or say nothing, there is no reason-- except several PPs' needs to feel superior by crapping on OP -- for these posts with a crazy mean tone. Just say you think telling DD is a bad idea, without your weird need to insult OP, who already has enough to deal with. Her choice to take back her DH isn't the issue here, either, and you have zero knowledge of why she is doing that.

I mean, her last line (“all of the joy of being a grandmother is now gone” I’m paraphrasing) is eye opening and not in a good way. Posting here is a good way to get a pulse check and people are looking out for DD who has done nothing wrong beyond excitedly tell her mother she’s settled on a name, and does not deserve to have this dumped on her while pregnant.

It's not a "pulse check" to insult OP personally and insult her choice re: her husband. It's digging in and relishing blaming her personally.

Yes, she engaged in hyperbole with the "all the joy is gone" comment. But I'm wagering those who are opining with such personal vitriol are people who have not themselves ever had to live day in and day out with the fresh pain of learning about a spouse's affair. PPS here couldn't just shrug off the obvious hyperbole and just tell her that she would be making a mistake to turn the baby's name into an issue with DD; they had to get personal about OP as an indivdual. That's what sticks in my craw and what makes this thread and this site more toxic, when it wasn't, not long ago. Few want to answer questions with compassion; it's more fun here to see how you can slam OPs -- in many threads, not just this one -- while padding your slams with "Oh, we're just being frank for your own good! It's just a pulse check!"