I have read these threads before and there are fundamentally two different kids of people:

-People who think it is polite to reciprocate an invitation
-People who think invitations come without strings attached, simply because the person enjoys your company and wants to socialize

I tend to side with the latter, since I think the burden is on a host to not take on more than they are willing to take on, and it’s unfair to expect everyone else to have your same priorities in life.

Anonymous wrote:DP. I am ind the same boat OP. We don’t host sleepovers, but have friends (from school) over a lot. My DD is never invited to their houses or to events with them. I wonder if my kid is awkward or annoying. I think she’s awesome, funny, smart. Seems to have a great time in school with her friends. So idk. I’m with you.

Same! I absolutely resent parents who don’t reciprocate. I just invite their kids over less and less.

DP. I am ind the same boat OP. We don’t host sleepovers, but have friends (from school) over a lot. My DD is never invited to their houses or to events with them. I wonder if my kid is awkward or annoying. I think she’s awesome, funny, smart. Seems to have a great time in school with her friends. So idk. I’m with you.

Short answer: Yes - you are definitely being taken advantage of.

If you look at most of these responses, parents excuse their failure to reciprocate based on excuses such as "I'm antisocial", "My house is messy or small", or "I work full-time". That is all irrelevant and does not excuse their lack of manners. I work full-time. I have a busy schedule. My house is not pristine. Regardless, I still always try to set an example for my kid to be courteous and kind because that is an essential job as a parent. If I can't host during the week, I suggest a weekend day. Easy peasy.

That being said, your daughter's friends are not their parents nor do they have their parents' issues. The girls are probably completely unaware of any underlying dynamics, and hopefully remain that way. Just because a parent is being selfish, doesn't mean that should reflect on their kid.

The takeaway: If your daughter and her friends are having a good time and you don't mind hosting, keep doing it...
You don't have to be best friends with the parents, just be there to help your daughter, her friendships, and (perhaps) even her friends who are not being exposed to better adult role models.

Anonymous wrote:We can't host sleepovers because our dog can't handle it. Serious question, would you prefer our kids turn down sleepover invites since we can't reciprocate?

EVERYONE has a reason why sleepovers are not ideal. Sorry, no one has a unique reason on here. Including you.

If you can't reciprocate sleepovers once in a blue moon then do it some other way. And stop being such a taker.

I don’t really understand posts like these. I have a 13yr old and 17yr old. They manage their own social lives. All planning is done by the kids. If the parent doesn’t. Want kids over then they just need to say no. Maybe if the OP has an issue she needs to speak to her daughter and her daughter should message to her friends that the mom is sick of having kids over.

This isn’t complicated. Personally I prefer sleepovers at our house because this is when drinking and drugs and sneaking out starts. Some of the crap other families allow is very disturbing to me.

Anonymous wrote:Many people live in tiny messy houses or are overscheduled/workaholic/lazy. Hence limited reciprocation. Pity them and move on.

- WOHM in a flexible job and large house with 2 kids and lots of family and paid help, so I have the bandwidth and energy to host

You aren't actually hosting if you have paid help, your nanny is. I wouldn't be ok with my kid being dumped on a nanny.

What's wrong with small houses? Makes it easier to keep track of the kids and spend time together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many people live in tiny messy houses or are overscheduled/workaholic/lazy. Hence limited reciprocation. Pity them and move on.

- WOHM in a flexible job and large house with 2 kids and lots of family and paid help, so I have the bandwidth and energy to host

Nah, I'm good. Don't need my kids exposed to that class people.

That's class (of?) people? What do you mean? People with hectic lives?

I don’t host bc I don’t like other people’s kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moms of 2+ (especially 3+) have a sleepover dynamic every day of the week.

What? No, not at all.

Right? I have three and don't host sleepovers for more than two friends of any one kid. I'm happy to have kids over and invite my kids' friends for other things, but hosting big sleepovers just isn't our thing. I don't enjoy them at all.

If you enjoy them, OP, keep hosting them - and pay attention to whether other families are hosting in different ways, even if it's not the exact same thing.

Anonymous wrote:Moms of 2+ (especially 3+) have a sleepover dynamic every day of the week.

What? No, not at all.

Moms of 2+ (especially 3+) have a sleepover dynamic every day of the week.

I learned to live with this but if there is a situation where I am out of town (for something important, I’ll call a parent and ask if they can help out DC to stay over one night

Anonymous wrote:Many people live in tiny messy houses or are overscheduled/workaholic/lazy. Hence limited reciprocation. Pity them and move on.

- WOHM in a flexible job and large house with 2 kids and lots of family and paid help, so I have the bandwidth and energy to host

Nah, I'm good. Don't need my kids exposed to that class people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you saying you don’t have space, house is messy, siblings, dogs, whatever, are making excuses. If you wanted to host a sleepover you could. Or host an evening gathering and have the kids go home. I have an only DD (11) and host single kids now and again but rarely. I do however take kids with us a lot on outings. Just took a friend tothe beach with us for 3 nights, and a different friend to the pool all afternoon yesterday. Own your decisions and be honest, but make some effort to reciprocate.

I think you should just accept that these people don't want to host sleepovers. They've made it clear.

I’m surprised that so many people even do sleepovers. In my kids’ friend groups most of the parents don’t allow them. It just doesn’t seem to be a thing.

Every kid in my daughter's group wants to participate in sleepovers. Every parent I know groans at the idea of hosting them.

Take them out to eat, to a ballgame, etc.