In my previous career I went through two corporate takeovers and two layoffs and after the second I landed in a fed job. I had a path to GS14 and I knew the salary was sufficient at that grade so I made the tradeoff between pay and stability. I got married and one day my wife of 3 years broke down and declared I wasn't making enough money and that I wasn't giving her the life she wanted. She became constantly angry, uncooperative, and eventually moved out and we divorced.

Frankly, it was devastating to my sense of self-worth.

As a topped-out GS14 I'm bumping up on the fed pay cap and my peers from my pervious career are earning 100K more per year than I am. It is true there is a GIANT pay gap between feds and industry. Comparison is the thief of happiness so I try not to look (yeah, willful blindness). One woman I've dated generally referenced by GS salary before breaking things off and another looked it up and said "yeah, I don't know if the website is accurate but I don't see a future for us."

My conclusion is that for many women it isn't about love and family but rather about competition with other women to snag a "big fish" so they have bragging rights among other women. It's essentially a group of "besties" quietly judging each other over what they "have" and husbands are merely another accessory.

So, yeah, I don't think OP is a troll.

What’s your plan to contribute to your lifestyle? What are his goals? Some Fed jobs can translate into lucrative private sector roles once he builds up his expertise and reputation.

I am married to a GS-14 who doesn’t want to ever be a GS-15 unless it’s non-supervisory. We have done the math and it doesn’t make sense for him to take on the extra work and being on-call for a minor (to us) pay bump. His flexibility and work life balance is more valuable to us because we have young kids. I am topped out at a salary similar to a maxed out 15 because I mommy-tracked myself. Together we’re doing fine financially and we still have the work/life balance we want at this phase of life. We also look at our private / federal job mix as good diversification in times of recession. Based on our industries, it’s unlikely we’d be laid off at the same time.

If you want to sit back and be a spoiled princess, no a GS14 probably won’t cut it. If you want to have a high powered, lucrative career, you will probably want a spouse who can pick up kids at school and flex his schedule.

If she doesn't want to compromise on finances, there is nothing wrong with that. Imho, settling due to lack of options and then making his life difficult or divorcing would be worse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goodness woman, you are 32, not 23. Any guy with di*k should be "good enough".

Besides having one this guy has a stable job making more money than the vast majority of Americans. Yet somehow it isn’t good enough.

Which is fine if that's not want OP wants to settle for. She can adopt cats.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I turned 32 this year and made a resolution to find someone to settle down with. Last month I hit it off with someone who seemed great. The problem is he’s civil service, GS-14.

Everyone I’ve dated in the past has been much higher income (private industry). I’m worried long term I’m going to be resentful if he can’t contribute to our lifestyle.

Should I cut him loose?

Cut him loose. I pray I run into him - I’m a 13 and enjoying the hell out of my life and meager salary. I’m working 25 hours a wk and most recently remote in Buenos Aires. So much more to life - cut him loose indeed.

Remote in Buenos Aires for a fed is probably illegal and is ripping us (the taxpayer) off regardless.

NP. No it’s not illegal and perfectly appropriate under new remote work policy. Learn before you post.

Maybe it depends on your job (maybe) but its 100% not legal in every job I'm aware of also "working 25 hours per week" and getting paid for 40 is called fraud. so...

Lets not forget that sometimes people work fewer hours and other times way more required hours than what contract says and ask no overtime.

Anonymous wrote:I turned 32 this year and made a resolution to find someone to settle down with. Last month I hit it off with someone who seemed great. The problem is he’s civil service, GS-14.

Everyone I’ve dated in the past has been much higher income (private industry). I’m worried long term I’m going to be resentful if he can’t contribute to our lifestyle.

Should I cut him loose?

Why date a pay scale you don't want to marry? You are wasting his time. He should be dating someone who is more about compatibility and shared purpose than showoff materialism.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I turned 32 this year and made a resolution to find someone to settle down with. Last month I hit it off with someone who seemed great. The problem is he’s civil service, GS-14.

Everyone I’ve dated in the past has been much higher income (private industry). I’m worried long term I’m going to be resentful if he can’t contribute to our lifestyle.

Should I cut him loose?

Cut him loose. I pray I run into him - I’m a 13 and enjoying the hell out of my life and meager salary. I’m working 25 hours a wk and most recently remote in Buenos Aires. So much more to life - cut him loose indeed.

Remote in Buenos Aires for a fed is probably illegal and is ripping us (the taxpayer) off regardless.

NP. No it’s not illegal and perfectly appropriate under new remote work policy. Learn before you post.

Maybe it depends on your job (maybe) but its 100% not legal in every job I'm aware of also "working 25 hours per week" and getting paid for 40 is called fraud. so...

Anonymous wrote:Goodness woman, you are 32, not 23. Any guy with di*k should be "good enough".

Besides having one this guy has a stable job making more money than the vast majority of Americans. Yet somehow it isn’t good enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insufficient information— how old is *he* and GS14 *what*.

If he’s a 30 y/o GS14 it’s very different than a 40 y/o GS14. Bear in mind the GS14-15 jump is a trap— going into the 15 without your 5-7 year plan for leaving government in place means accepting wage stagnation.

If you don’t know this much about government salaries by 32, living in the DC area, it may be better for you to just continue to date industry.

OP here. He’s 36, and has no interest in ever moving to private practice. It just strikes me as a red flag - not wanting to live up to his full potential.

FWIW I’m in big law and have dated in that realm, or higher income men.

EW. Girl boss alert. Everyone must give in to the corporate warlords and serve them with fealty. Scramble to the top and die. Please let him go OP. There are plenty of women who would appreciate him and you are just going to put him down.

Anonymous wrote:You should cut him loose so he can dodge a bullet

yes this!

Who would ever want to end up with someone in big law? They work all the time, don’t help out at all, cheat, and then start a new family when they have more time later in life.

If you care more about having money than having a life partner, definitely move on. If you actually want a happy life, re-evaluate your priorities and spend some time reflecting on what your problem is.

Hopefully this is a troll post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I turned 32 this year and made a resolution to find someone to settle down with. Last month I hit it off with someone who seemed great. The problem is he’s civil service, GS-14.

Everyone I’ve dated in the past has been much higher income (private industry). I’m worried long term I’m going to be resentful if he can’t contribute to our lifestyle.

Should I cut him loose?

Cut him loose. I pray I run into him - I’m a 13 and enjoying the hell out of my life and meager salary. I’m working 25 hours a wk and most recently remote in Buenos Aires. So much more to life - cut him loose indeed.

Federal employees can’t work remotely outside of US unless you are stationed there.

Wrong. You can if you apply for temporary remote.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who views a career in high-level government lawyering as “not living up to potential” has priorities that will not make this match work. Go after your own values; you treasure big money earners.

+1 My DS considers himself a public servant and is very passionate about his job. He is definitely living up to his potential, but just has different values than OP. Thankfully, he and I are on the same page.

+1 this is pretty gross OP. You may want to cut him loose because your values may not align. He may value work life balance, having time and flexibility to be an equal spouse and be there for his kids, etc. You value getting to the top. The fact that you can't see the benefits to having a spouse with flexibility and a normal schedule is odd to me, but I do think it means you may resent him because what you value is a probably a spouse that puts work above family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I turned 32 this year and made a resolution to find someone to settle down with. Last month I hit it off with someone who seemed great. The problem is he’s civil service, GS-14.

Everyone I’ve dated in the past has been much higher income (private industry). I’m worried long term I’m going to be resentful if he can’t contribute to our lifestyle.

Should I cut him loose?

Cut him loose. I pray I run into him - I’m a 13 and enjoying the hell out of my life and meager salary. I’m working 25 hours a wk and most recently remote in Buenos Aires. So much more to life - cut him loose indeed.

Remote in Buenos Aires for a fed is probably illegal and is ripping us (the taxpayer) off regardless.

NP. No it’s not illegal and perfectly appropriate under new remote work policy. Learn before you post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insufficient information— how old is *he* and GS14 *what*.

If he’s a 30 y/o GS14 it’s very different than a 40 y/o GS14. Bear in mind the GS14-15 jump is a trap— going into the 15 without your 5-7 year plan for leaving government in place means accepting wage stagnation.

If you don’t know this much about government salaries by 32, living in the DC area, it may be better for you to just continue to date industry.

OP here. He’s 36, and has no interest in ever moving to private practice. It just strikes me as a red flag - not wanting to live up to his full potential.

FWIW I’m in big law and have dated in that realm, or higher income men.

Good luck riding out Big Law as a female. Yea, you might make partner but nowadays that likely doesn’t mean you make more money and you have ZERO job security. And good luck if you want kids or any life outside of your job. I’m a GS 15, and my TSP just hit $1 million. My DH and I have loved the balance my stable, GS govt job brought us. If you weren’t so myopic and judgmental, you’d get that. But I suspect you are either a troll or a shallow human. That GS 14 is better off without you.