Op - I am so grateful for these responses if not just bc it feels like there is no right or wrong answer so I no longer feel crazy.
I really appreciate both the posters who encouraged me not to feel bad - and those who validated the fact that not missing them was my impulse.
It’s so interesting how as moms you start to somewhat lose a sense of the difference between ‘should’ and instinct.
Grateful for this input. Also clearly I need more irl friends to ask advice from so maybe I should just go! I have deprioritized friendship for so long since having kids and working full time

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh misses our kids actual bday about 50% of the time. We just celebrate weekend before, kids never mind getting their presents early, and then a little again on the actual day. Literally no one has ever had a second thought about him (a dad) missing a bday or in any way acted like that was selfish or somehow damaging. Go have fun!

Bu choice or because he was working?

Well it’s all a choice right? So yes is the activity he’s gone for, but he chooses to have a career where he will miss bdays, chooses to attend that client meeting in person instead of zoom, chooses to say yes to the dinner, whatever. Either missing bdays is damaging or not - a kid doesn’t care why it’s missed and you could easily argue that a once in a decade girls trip to refresh yourself is more important than attending a work meeting in person. Just everyone gives work a pass with no judgement

Preface by saying there is no right or wrong answer.

For me, I would go on this trip and miss those things.

(I have a DD who is soon to turn 10 and also is at sleepaway camp right now for the first time, FWIW.)

I would have a wonderful family birthday celebration and a great friend party for my kid's bday, both before I left. And I know her dad and sibling would make the actual day special too.

As for sleepaway camp, this one is easy for me because my kid goes to a camp where everyone takes the bus. So her first "drop off" a few weeks ago involved driving to a mall parking lot, taking a few pics, hugging, and then kid getting on a bus. (We drop off her luggage at a pick-up location several days before, so I could fully oversee packing.) You can make the whole process of shopping for camp and packing together before you leave, special and fun -- we did!

For myself, missing events like this would also be a rare occurrence, and my kid would know that.

I would miss camp drop off, assuming my spouse was on board with and able to handle the packing. I wouldn't miss a birthday under the age of 16 if possible.

Depends on the age of the kid. I have missed a birthday while on travel for work, but only for an older child (in their tweenage years) never when they were younger. Younger kids place much more emphasis on activities & presents on their actual birthday than tweens & teens, IMO.

Camp drop off? Yes, I've missed this before. DW & I had a flight out the same day a few hours before two of the kids caught the camp bus. Grandma & Grandpa dropped them and we were able to drop the youngest kid on our own before heading to the airport.

Anonymous wrote:I have said I cannot miss these for girls weekend with close friends in Europe. Just checking I’m not being overly myopic.

- kid birthday which is also last day of school year
- dropping said kid off at sleepaway camp for first time

I'm with you. I wouldn't chose girls' weekend over either event

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't miss either. Or maybe better to say it would take a lot for me to miss either.

Rando trip - no.

Once in a lifetime trip that absolutely positively has to be on a very specific day because of a very valid and important reason? Maybe.

Also depends on age/nature of kid and how they'd react.

I’m basically here although I will say I was prepared to say yes I would miss whatever it was but 10th birthday I probably would not skip it. Sleep away camp would depend more on the kid and previous experiences.

I would miss neither of those for a girls trip.

My mom took very few trips by herself when I was growing up. I was sad when she left, but amazed by how happy and energized she was when she returned. Looking back, those moments are some of the happiest I ever saw her. I'm glad she took her trips.

I wouldn't miss either. Or maybe better to say it would take a lot for me to miss either.

Rando trip - no.

Once in a lifetime trip that absolutely positively has to be on a very specific day because of a very valid and important reason? Maybe.

Also depends on age/nature of kid and how they'd react.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think girls trips are dumb. Team take your kid.

You sound like you don’t have friends.

You sound like you shouldn’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those dates are being considered because they don't care so much about whether you come. Not saying they are bad friends. They are typical friends. But that is what their decision making is telling you. Accept it. Say no. See them another time.

Op - I guess - though it is my very best friend organizing this. So that’s a bummer.

What month is this?

Assuming summer since you mention camp drop off. Summers are tricky since there are other vacations planned and the planner probably has her own kid stuff.