Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she finds out and finds out YOU knew and didn’t tell her, she’s never going to want to speak to you again. It feels like a DOUBLE betrayal. Anyone who knew and didn’t tell me, or aided in an alibi are dead to me.

+1
It feels like a stab in the back a “good” friend knew and didn’t say a word.

Nevermind the further betrayal of her if she ever finds out and finds out you knew and didn’t tell her,

What kind of person are YOU and could you live with yourself long term if you make the choice, right now, to begin the daily long term betrayal of one of your closest friends by not telling her what you know? You will be looking her in the face and being a liar every single day of the rest of your friendship. Are you really that person??

If you have any suspicion that you don’t know her as well as you think - that she might be a woman who is fine with infidelity, or has a DADT policy or even an open relationship, and that she might be embarrassed for you to know that - then find a way to tell her about the suspected infidelity anonymously. Text from a burner phone, send an email from a throwaway account. If you’ve got some spare cash to splash, hire a PI to get the solid evidence of cheating documented and have the PI present it to her as product of an anonymously funded investigation.

Or keep on keeping on and being a liar by omission.

Anonymous wrote:I told a friend and she stayed with the cheater and stopped talking to me, so myob.

This. It’s not your business. She might already know. personally, I wouldn’t want to be responsible for putting her in a position of getting a divorce when it might not happen if you don’t get involved. Keep your mouth shut.

Anonymous wrote:Anonymous note in mail

Someone did that to me once, and it was worse than if nobody said anything at all because I didn’t know who it was. don’t do that to someone.

+2 There's a bunch of bored women on here, desperate to stir up some drama. OP: MYOB, full stop.

Spoken like a true cheater.

What you don’t know CAN hurt you - OP, tell your friend.

It's not an "easy out." It is following a personal policy of MYOB rather than cause drama for others. Sounds like you look for an easy in -- to drama. You seem overly interested in secrets.

NP. You sound like a lousy friend. Telling is the opposite of causing drama - it’s putting things in the open and returning agency to someone you (claim to) care about. Not telling is for you, not her.

Anonymous wrote:OP never came back…. Bored teenager?

Yes- or adult.

OP, are you the other woman? Just asking

Define “good friend.” If this was my sister or absolute best friend there is no way I wouldn’t tell them, and I would hope they would do the same. What they choose to do with it is their choice.

We did have this situation happen within my college circle and she chose to stay and cut all of us off. They ended up divorcing anyways 3 years later, but things have never really been the same with her.

This reminded me of the story of this DCUM wife who sent sexy underwear to her cheating husband in the mail. I don’t remember whether she did it anonymously or used the AP’s name but it ignited a fight between his AP and DH 🤣

I told a friend and she stayed with the cheater and stopped talking to me, so myob.

MYOB

Anonymous wrote:I vote for anonymous note in the mail, cut letters out of magazines for the text. Make the envelope look benign in case her husband brings in the mail.

& wear gloves while you make the note
(Sarcasm)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to know for health reasons.

Blah blah blah

Says the cheater.

Always amazes me, the people on DCUM who insist that STIs are no big deal. Maybe they're walking around with them, blithely infecting others, and don't give a f*** about doing so.

Not a cheater, but as an FYI a lot of good, moral people live with STIs and infect others as well. Stop talking like only disgusting low life’s get infected. You’re not above everyone else.

You missed the point.

I was addressing the PP whose response to a post about STIs was: "blah blah." Clearly not you.

Yes, perfectly good people get STIs and i wonder how many get them unwittingly from selfish jerks like the "blah blah" PP who don't care about infecting others.

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who found out her husband was a cheater - and later found out pretty much everyone around her knew. It was the worst way to go down, and she ended up moving out of the area because she was so humiliated. Personally, I think most of us would want to know. Tell her anonymously if you are a big wimp (no judgement, I would be a big wimp) but please tell her.

My friend was angry with the people who knew and didn’t tell her. She remarried a great guy but she told people not to hold back ever again.

I would tell her. I would be factual and just tell what I saw / heard / have evidence of. I woulld probably send a text that I had something to tell her and then send an email with the details so she has time to process on her own and let her know I can talk (to clarify) if or when she wants. And that I need no updates unless she wishes to vent or share.