Anonymous wrote:You should be setting up an MFM for your birthday.

Hard no. But if you were trying to make me laugh, thank you.

You should be setting up an MFM for your birthday.

And before anyone asks, yes, I called my old therapist this morning and asked if she can take me on as a patient again.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I was also newly single on my 30th, and the pain is real. I’m so sorry. He’s a good guy for deciding not to waste your time. I met my husband at 32 and still popped out two kids w/o IVF. If my boyfriend at 29 had hung on, he would have wasted years of my life.

The good news about a great ex is that now your standards are higher. You cannot have healthy, well-adjusted kids with a loser. I’ve seen so many women try and fail.

Your new to-do list:

Therapy. You can’t get a great guy unless you’d be fine without him. It’s unfair, but true.

Work out for your health. Sleep for your health. Eat cleanly for your health. There will be a side benefit of maximizing your looks.

When you’re ready, go online dating and treat it like a job. You can do this.

Thank you. I drank a bottle of wine yesterday and cried to the delivery guy. I got out of my apt. for the first time since Monday night this morning. So that's huge. (I did not go into the office and likely won't until I'm sure I can go a day without crying, because my worst nightmare is shutting my office door to cry and someone walking in to ask me a question while I'm crying)

I actually have a couple of dates already. My best friend mentioned to a few guys we know that I am single and they asked me out. I need the distraction. But I probably won't get into a relationship for another few months.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter] if

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what he was thinking
I am in a relationship
I am in a relationship!!
She, having birthday.
Me, small boy.
Oh no, she wants me to grow now.
I got to go now!

(You can sing this)

Eh we were together for a year and he helped me through a crappy job situation, a layoff, finding a new job, moving, and lots of misc. anxiety. I don't think he's a bad guy at his core. Which is why it feels so out of left field.

If so, then perhaps he feels that you’re a lot of work and he doesn’t get back much from you.

Everyone goes through rough patches, though. Leaving someone just because they had a rough year and needed more support isn't fair.

Perhaps he saw a pattern, a personality trait that does not work for him. A year is more than enough to notice these things. It really doesn’t matter in the end, OP can find another guy.

I am OP. I want to be clear, I do not think my ex is a bad guy for dumping me. People are entitled to leave relationships. What I am mad about is that it wasted a year and that he did it in a shitty way and frankly, I do think more discussion would've been warranted. This wasn't a three month situationship where we only texted each other after dark and hooked up. This was real. This was a year of meeting each other's family and friends, going on vacation together, and supporting each other.

I apologize for being defensive but he was a bad communicator. I frequently asked "You do so much for me, is there anything I can do for you?" to which he would always say no, he's used to being independent, has difficulty accepting help, etc. I remember one night he seemed very stressed about work so I asked if he needed to talk and he was like, no, I have difficulty opening up when I'm really stressed, and it's hard for me to share my feelings with you, but we'll get there. It was not difficult for me to accept help or share feelings.

I actually asked him the other night, what's my biggest red flag and he said "You have none. I wish you did, because then I'd feel less bad." If he was unhappy about anything - he alternates between saying he was unhappy for a week and unhappy for "a long time," which was news to me - he owed me a conversation and the opportunity to fix it. That is what I do in relationships, that is what every other guy I've dated has done, that's what my friends and their boyfriends do.

And I'm sorry to be defensive and spew verbal diarrhea everywhere. But I feel really blindsided by this whole thing.

Wow, I was also newly single on my 30th, and the pain is real. I’m so sorry. He’s a good guy for deciding not to waste your time. I met my husband at 32 and still popped out two kids w/o IVF. If my boyfriend at 29 had hung on, he would have wasted years of my life.

The good news about a great ex is that now your standards are higher. You cannot have healthy, well-adjusted kids with a loser. I’ve seen so many women try and fail.

Your new to-do list:

Therapy. You can’t get a great guy unless you’d be fine without him. It’s unfair, but true.

Work out for your health. Sleep for your health. Eat cleanly for your health. There will be a side benefit of maximizing your looks.

When you’re ready, go online dating and treat it like a job. You can do this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter] if

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what he was thinking
I am in a relationship
I am in a relationship!!
She, having birthday.
Me, small boy.
Oh no, she wants me to grow now.
I got to go now!

(You can sing this)

Eh we were together for a year and he helped me through a crappy job situation, a layoff, finding a new job, moving, and lots of misc. anxiety. I don't think he's a bad guy at his core. Which is why it feels so out of left field.

If so, then perhaps he feels that you’re a lot of work and he doesn’t get back much from you.

Everyone goes through rough patches, though. Leaving someone just because they had a rough year and needed more support isn't fair.

Perhaps he saw a pattern, a personality trait that does not work for him. A year is more than enough to notice these things. It really doesn’t matter in the end, OP can find another guy.

Anonymous wrote:Thank the universe for not letting you marry this guy. 30 is still so young, the world is at your feet. My BIL met his wife at 39 and is the happiest he's ever been.

This! This was not the guy. This is a blessing. Truly. 30 is young. Better this than if you married and divorced.

Anonymous wrote:[twitter] if

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what he was thinking
I am in a relationship
I am in a relationship!!
She, having birthday.
Me, small boy.
Oh no, she wants me to grow now.
I got to go now!

(You can sing this)

Eh we were together for a year and he helped me through a crappy job situation, a layoff, finding a new job, moving, and lots of misc. anxiety. I don't think he's a bad guy at his core. Which is why it feels so out of left field.

If so, then perhaps he feels that you’re a lot of work and he doesn’t get back much from you.

Everyone goes through rough patches, though. Leaving someone just because they had a rough year and needed more support isn't fair.

If he’s breaking up with after being unhappy for a week, he has no staying power and no commitment. When you’re married you will have weeks/months/maybe years of being unhappy. If he can’t handle 7 days of unhappiness without throwing in the towel, you should not marry him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank the universe for not letting you marry this guy. 30 is still so young, the world is at your feet. My BIL met his wife at 39 and is the happiest he's ever been.

Yeah but he was such a nice guy

Obviously not if he stumped you a week before your birthday.

You are still very young. Let this be a blessing in disguise.

Nobody cares about YOUR milestones. Have you ever read posts about infidelity? They read like this: How could they have cheated when:

My birthday was next week!

Our anniversary was also in the fall!

I was pregnant!

I was trying to get pregnant

We were planning a vacation!

I had two small children!

I was busy at work!

It was the anniversary of my mom's death!

It was Christmas! My favorite holiday!

Cheaters do not care about your anniversaries and other milestones. And nor do people dumping you. It is about them, obviously, which is fine. They are the center of their world, not you. Stop assuming your things are what everybody else revolves around. They don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something similar happened to me recently. My guy also would keep his emotions to himself. In hindsight I realized I dodged a bullet. Even though there is a ton I lived about him and think he was a nice guy. He did not have the emotional maturity for a serious relationship. Better to find out now than when married and he can’t ride the ups and downs.

Thank you. This is how I need to see it but I really think I contributed to the breakup (this was a really stressful year career-wise for me and I was distracted a lot) and when I told him that he just said I was making it about me. So idk.

Sorry about your breakup. This is the WORST.

Breakups really do suck, I know. But worse than breaking up at 30 after a year of dating is breaking up at 33 after 4 years of dating, or getting divorced at 40. Or about a million other scenarios. And people get through those. You'll get through this. You're closer to finding "the one" now that you're single than you were in an ill-fated relationship.

This!

[twitter] if

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what he was thinking
I am in a relationship
I am in a relationship!!
She, having birthday.
Me, small boy.
Oh no, she wants me to grow now.
I got to go now!

(You can sing this)

Eh we were together for a year and he helped me through a crappy job situation, a layoff, finding a new job, moving, and lots of misc. anxiety. I don't think he's a bad guy at his core. Which is why it feels so out of left field.

If so, then perhaps he feels that you’re a lot of work and he doesn’t get back much from you.

Anonymous wrote:This is what he was thinking
I am in a relationship
I am in a relationship!!
She, having birthday.
Me, small boy.
Oh no, she wants me to grow now.
I got to go now!

(You can sing this)

Bingo!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something similar happened to me recently. My guy also would keep his emotions to himself. In hindsight I realized I dodged a bullet. Even though there is a ton I lived about him and think he was a nice guy. He did not have the emotional maturity for a serious relationship. Better to find out now than when married and he can’t ride the ups and downs.

Thank you. This is how I need to see it but I really think I contributed to the breakup (this was a really stressful year career-wise for me and I was distracted a lot) and when I told him that he just said I was making it about me. So idk.

Sorry about your breakup. This is the WORST.

Breakups really do suck, I know. But worse than breaking up at 30 after a year of dating is breaking up at 33 after 4 years of dating, or getting divorced at 40. Or about a million other scenarios. And people get through those. You'll get through this. You're closer to finding "the one" now that you're single than you were in an ill-fated relationship.