poor, poor, poor me
poor poor pitiful me...

He needs to get a full-time job. He obviously has the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when parents use the "on the spectrum" as an excuse for all negative behavior and characteristics.

This advice is not helpful

Definitely not helpful.
-- OP

Anonymous wrote:Your son is not busy enough. Is he in school this summer? If not, why doesn’t he have a job? If no job, then chores it is! Start with the hard labor jobs—outside, for example, cutting grass, trimming shrubs,,painting a fence. Then, onto the inside jobs like painting a room.

Yes. He obviously has way too much free time. He should be working.

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when parents use the "on the spectrum" as an excuse for all negative behavior and characteristics.

This advice is not helpful

Your son is not busy enough. Is he in school this summer? If not, why doesn’t he have a job? If no job, then chores it is! Start with the hard labor jobs—outside, for example, cutting grass, trimming shrubs,,painting a fence. Then, onto the inside jobs like painting a room.

This is what happens when parents use the "on the spectrum" as an excuse for all negative behavior and characteristics.

OP, what's your ideal but realistic state? Are they capable to live on their own?
Have you spoken to gf or her parent?

Is gf well behaved?

They are age 22 and in college. Graduating next year? Then what?

For summer vacation, setting rules for respectful behavior, while welcoming them in your home, may work out better for everyone in the end. Wanting gf around should be a strong motivator to behave well.

This is why people should send college age kids to live on campus. It saves their sanity and kids learn to become independent.

Rent an apartment for them or at least a room and tell them you are paying for the first 3 months. That’s if you don’t want to be the bad guy. Maybe the girl will get a job if your son can’t.

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you don't cause breakup and depression.

Anonymous wrote:I completely understand why that’s annoying, OP. What do you expect your son to do, though, if he’s young and in love and doesn’t have anywhere else to hang out with his girlfriend? If I weren’t in full time school at 22 I definitely would have spent all day with my significant other. I never skipped a day of seeing them, for sure, and your proposal to have her at your house only twice per week likely means he will only see her twice per week. I suspect that will feel impossible to him. Be prepared for that to not go over well at all!

So? Sounds like he needs a full-time job and an apartment if he wants to spend every waking hour with her. Simple.

Anonymous wrote:If they marry, she becomes your family member. She could be the one helping you in old age. She could be the decider of how often grandchildren can visit. If you can visit for thanksgiving etc.

Be honest but mindful and kind.

Oh, please.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to set more direct boundaries. No guests more than three times a week, all guests leave by 11pm, whatever you want. And yes, if he wants to claim he's an adult then he can pay rent and be treated like a roommate and a roommate would give him tons of crap for having a girl over ALL the time.

You don’t live in reality, wouldn’t and couldn’t do this in reality, and this is a stupid suggestion.

WTF? Yes, she most assuredly CAN and SHOULD do this in the home she and her husband pay for. Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:I am going to disagree with everyone else, as I think you will drive him out of your house. Sure, you won't see her anymore, but you'll also lose your son.

I would ask your son what's his end game? Does he intend to marry this girl, or is he just an excuse for her to escape her bad home life? And if he does intend to marry her you need to stop kicking her out. And if they are so close, how do you not know more about it? We have helped our kids friends in a bad situation before - maybe this girl needs a place to be safe, and your son is just the current out.

No, she won’y. He hasn’t even had a part-time job. He isn’t going to be able to work full-time, with or without going to school in addition, and pay for, and manage, an apartment and all utilities himself.

You have much, much more patience than I do, OP. The first time I heard him apologize to his girlfriend about you telling him she needs to go home after being in your house 12 hours a day for days on end, I would have very pointedly corrected that behavior in front of her. If it happened a second time, she would no longer be welcome in the home my DH and I pay for.

Our ds's gf is here a lot also. Both 22 and in University. Both also work. We don't have an issue with it though.

Tell him ahead of time when you want her to leave. Actually tell them both.