Anonymous
Post 07/04/2023 09:43     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.

However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding! The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs.

I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend.


This is really nasty. No one is asking you to pay for the wedding, you’re just being condescending to the couple…driving home the point that they didn’t pay for their own wedding, like shaming them.

If you were invited to my kid’s wedding and did this, I would send your check back and tell you to shove it up your butt.


There is cultural context here you are missing. In communities that do this, people know that parents are paying for the wedding and often provide gifts to their friends (the parents) to offset the costs. The young couple is usually showered with gifts from their family but the thought is the family would know what’s needed. I agree it feels odd in American culture.


What country's culture does this? It's odd in any culture let alone those who decide to live in the USA. I never heard of it from anyone who is or their parents were new to the USA. Hah. I can only imagine if I gave parents checks when sibs, nieces, nephews, etc the check.


Sounds Chinese to me. Wouldn't be that far out of line in the culture I come from, but it would be odd.

But the hyperventilation about it I am seeing in the thread is something else. Y'all are going to need to navigate the friction of much, much more severe cultural differences. The borders are open.
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2023 08:53     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:The bride wants to make the task of writing thank you notes easier by not having to mention specific gifts and how she and hubby plan to use them. She can say the same thing to everybody. Yes, it is tacky.


You must be over 55.
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2023 08:52     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty common now. And how is it any more gauche than a registry?


You have to look for a registry; people look because they want to get the couple something.

If you go to the website to learn about the wedding ceremony and reception and any other associated festivities, it feels icky to find the happy couple there with their hands out


As opposed to the link for their Williams Sonoma registry???
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2023 08:51     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I gave away so much of my gifts from the registry - new in boxes. Would you prefer that?


Then why on earth did you register for stuff you didn’t want?!?


NP, but I'm assuming because of attitudes from older guests like on this thread, that they are willing to spend 200 dollars on a new couple but ONLY if it's for a Le Creuset dutch oven. I also registered for some easily returnable items that I then returned for cash.
Anonymous
Post 07/04/2023 08:46     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:Nothing says "welcome to independent adult life" quite like "I gave your mother some money to spend on what she thinks you need".


As opposed to saying "We are adults now. Please pay our way so we can have things we want but can't actually afford!" ?
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 18:40     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.

However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding! The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs.

I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend.


This is really nasty. No one is asking you to pay for the wedding, you’re just being condescending to the couple…driving home the point that they didn’t pay for their own wedding, like shaming them.

If you were invited to my kid’s wedding and did this, I would send your check back and tell you to shove it up your butt.


There is cultural context here you are missing. In communities that do this, people know that parents are paying for the wedding and often provide gifts to their friends (the parents) to offset the costs. The young couple is usually showered with gifts from their family but the thought is the family would know what’s needed. I agree it feels odd in American culture.


What country's culture does this? It's odd in any culture let alone those who decide to live in the USA. I never heard of it from anyone who is or their parents were new to the USA. Hah. I can only imagine if I gave parents checks when sibs, nieces, nephews, etc the check.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 17:51     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.

However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding! The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs.

I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend.


This is really nasty. No one is asking you to pay for the wedding, you’re just being condescending to the couple…driving home the point that they didn’t pay for their own wedding, like shaming them.

If you were invited to my kid’s wedding and did this, I would send your check back and tell you to shove it up your butt.


There is cultural context here you are missing. In communities that do this, people know that parents are paying for the wedding and often provide gifts to their friends (the parents) to offset the costs. The young couple is usually showered with gifts from their family but the thought is the family would know what’s needed. I agree it feels odd in American culture.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 12:23     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Nothing says "welcome to independent adult life" quite like "I gave your mother some money to spend on what she thinks you need".
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 11:50     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.

However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding! The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs.

I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend.


This is really nasty. No one is asking you to pay for the wedding, you’re just being condescending to the couple…driving home the point that they didn’t pay for their own wedding, like shaming them.

If you were invited to my kid’s wedding and did this, I would send your check back and tell you to shove it up your butt.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 10:47     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.

However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding! The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs.

I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend.


This is wild and deeply strange. Wedding gifts for people not getting married!
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 10:34     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.

However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding! The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs.

I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend.


That is super weird and awkward.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2023 10:30     Subject: Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:Oh wow, please don't come to the wedding. You sound awful.


This really does seem like the solution. It's her husband's niece -- if he wants to go, he can, and if he wants to give money, he gives an amount that won't hurt the OP & husband budget, and then they're done.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2023 22:07     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
Anonymous wrote:How is asking for money different than asking for various items on a registry?


Easy. People who like to make gifts about them rather than about the recipient can't do that by giving cash.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2023 20:27     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
I am fine with giving money. I find buying gifts a waste of time!!
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2023 20:26     Subject: Re:Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married
I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.

However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding! The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs.

I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend.