Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son. In the last two years I’ve been to several baby showers, and all of them have been child free events. Two of them said that they’d rather no babies because it wouldn’t be as fun for their mothers (lol, like watching the mother-to-be unwrap gifts and guessing how big her belly is with a ribbon is tremendous fun). The third specifically said that children are not invited. I wasn’t planning to bring my son (the shower falls during nap time) so I’m not offended, but I think this is strange! Am I wrong? Aren’t baby showers typically baby friendly?

Your two year old isn't a baby. A baby is different than a 2 year old toddler. No, they aren't always baby friendly and you have a toddler, not a baby.

I said that I’ve been to several in the last two years since he was born. I didn’t think I had to say both baby and toddler in the title for you to understand.

For those saying the hosts are probably tired of having children around, they were all hosted by the future grandmother. They don’t have small children and haven’t in decades.

Again, I didn’t plan on bringing my kid, but I think it’s very weird to celebrate a baby’s impending birth by banning other babies from attendance. A shower, which we all know is just a gift grab, really isn’t worth a sitter.

Then don't go.

You sound really self centered by the way.

Why self centered? I have no plan to bring my kid, I just think it’s bizarre to expect people to come to a party to celebrate a future baby and get sitters for their own. I hope those mothers don’t anticipate their children will be welcome at any of their friends’ parties anytime soon.

Like most people I know, I go because I have to. Does anyone enjoy baby showers? I truly can’t imagine why any adult would want to play the ridiculous shower games and watch presents be opened for an hour and a half.

Please stay home then and spare your friends.

Why do you need a sitter? What is your SO doing?

He’s a doctor. I don’t have someone to tag team with on most weekends. Not every woman or person has a spouse who works a 9-5. I see a lot of posts on this thread about why women who often bring their kids places shouldn’t expect to have friends. It’s really narrow minded. You’re a terrible friend if you can’t imagine that other women lack some of your flexibility to dump your children on other people. Frankly, if I’m taking the time away from my own kid and arranging childcare, the event has to be worth it. Egg salad and watching you open sixty identical onesies is not.

Your husband is a doctor. You can afford a sitter. Or ask a friend to watch your kid. Do you have any of those?

Also, you sound like an awful friend. Please don't go. I wouldn't want you there if I knew you were spewing this much hate about my baby shower.

A baby shower is not an event that someone is paying a babysitter for, lol. If the other parent can watch baby or grandma etc fine. Beyond that I can't imagine most ppl would bother going (which is fine - clearly goat can set parameters on kids etc.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son. In the last two years I’ve been to several baby showers, and all of them have been child free events. Two of them said that they’d rather no babies because it wouldn’t be as fun for their mothers (lol, like watching the mother-to-be unwrap gifts and guessing how big her belly is with a ribbon is tremendous fun). The third specifically said that children are not invited. I wasn’t planning to bring my son (the shower falls during nap time) so I’m not offended, but I think this is strange! Am I wrong? Aren’t baby showers typically baby friendly?

Your two year old isn't a baby. A baby is different than a 2 year old toddler. No, they aren't always baby friendly and you have a toddler, not a baby.

I said that I’ve been to several in the last two years since he was born. I didn’t think I had to say both baby and toddler in the title for you to understand.

For those saying the hosts are probably tired of having children around, they were all hosted by the future grandmother. They don’t have small children and haven’t in decades.

Again, I didn’t plan on bringing my kid, but I think it’s very weird to celebrate a baby’s impending birth by banning other babies from attendance. A shower, which we all know is just a gift grab, really isn’t worth a sitter.

Then don't go.

You sound really self centered by the way.

Why self centered? I have no plan to bring my kid, I just think it’s bizarre to expect people to come to a party to celebrate a future baby and get sitters for their own. I hope those mothers don’t anticipate their children will be welcome at any of their friends’ parties anytime soon.

Like most people I know, I go because I have to. Does anyone enjoy baby showers? I truly can’t imagine why any adult would want to play the ridiculous shower games and watch presents be opened for an hour and a half.

Please stay home then and spare your friends.

Why do you need a sitter? What is your SO doing?

He’s a doctor. I don’t have someone to tag team with on most weekends. Not every woman or person has a spouse who works a 9-5. I see a lot of posts on this thread about why women who often bring their kids places shouldn’t expect to have friends. It’s really narrow minded. You’re a terrible friend if you can’t imagine that other women lack some of your flexibility to dump your children on other people. Frankly, if I’m taking the time away from my own kid and arranging childcare, the event has to be worth it. Egg salad and watching you open sixty identical onesies is not.

Then the advice you’ve been given is perfect: don’t go. But complaining that invitations are not crafted for your preferences is entitled.

Okay, but that’s not what happened. I said I had no intention of bringing my child. I said that I think it’s ridiculous to throw world’s worst party in celebration of impending birth and demand that everyone else leave their baby at home, and was wondering if this is common practice.

Anonymous wrote:I've never been to a baby shower that included children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son. In the last two years I’ve been to several baby showers, and all of them have been child free events. Two of them said that they’d rather no babies because it wouldn’t be as fun for their mothers (lol, like watching the mother-to-be unwrap gifts and guessing how big her belly is with a ribbon is tremendous fun). The third specifically said that children are not invited. I wasn’t planning to bring my son (the shower falls during nap time) so I’m not offended, but I think this is strange! Am I wrong? Aren’t baby showers typically baby friendly?

Your two year old isn't a baby. A baby is different than a 2 year old toddler. No, they aren't always baby friendly and you have a toddler, not a baby.

I said that I’ve been to several in the last two years since he was born. I didn’t think I had to say both baby and toddler in the title for you to understand.

For those saying the hosts are probably tired of having children around, they were all hosted by the future grandmother. They don’t have small children and haven’t in decades.

Again, I didn’t plan on bringing my kid, but I think it’s very weird to celebrate a baby’s impending birth by banning other babies from attendance. A shower, which we all know is just a gift grab, really isn’t worth a sitter.

Then don't go.

You sound really self centered by the way.

Why self centered? I have no plan to bring my kid, I just think it’s bizarre to expect people to come to a party to celebrate a future baby and get sitters for their own. I hope those mothers don’t anticipate their children will be welcome at any of their friends’ parties anytime soon.

Like most people I know, I go because I have to. Does anyone enjoy baby showers? I truly can’t imagine why any adult would want to play the ridiculous shower games and watch presents be opened for an hour and a half.

Please stay home then and spare your friends.

Why do you need a sitter? What is your SO doing?

He’s a doctor. I don’t have someone to tag team with on most weekends. Not every woman or person has a spouse who works a 9-5. I see a lot of posts on this thread about why women who often bring their kids places shouldn’t expect to have friends. It’s really narrow minded. You’re a terrible friend if you can’t imagine that other women lack some of your flexibility to dump your children on other people. Frankly, if I’m taking the time away from my own kid and arranging childcare, the event has to be worth it. Egg salad and watching you open sixty identical onesies is not.

Your husband is a doctor. You can afford a sitter. Or ask a friend to watch your kid. Do you have any of those?

Also, you sound like an awful friend. Please don't go. I wouldn't want you there if I knew you were spewing this much hate about my baby shower.

Let me guess, you had those insufferable games at your shower and spent hours opening presents and oohing over every sock.

Maybe having these terrible, self involved events is actually what makes you a terrible friend!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son. In the last two years I’ve been to several baby showers, and all of them have been child free events. Two of them said that they’d rather no babies because it wouldn’t be as fun for their mothers (lol, like watching the mother-to-be unwrap gifts and guessing how big her belly is with a ribbon is tremendous fun). The third specifically said that children are not invited. I wasn’t planning to bring my son (the shower falls during nap time) so I’m not offended, but I think this is strange! Am I wrong? Aren’t baby showers typically baby friendly?

Your two year old isn't a baby. A baby is different than a 2 year old toddler. No, they aren't always baby friendly and you have a toddler, not a baby.

I said that I’ve been to several in the last two years since he was born. I didn’t think I had to say both baby and toddler in the title for you to understand.

For those saying the hosts are probably tired of having children around, they were all hosted by the future grandmother. They don’t have small children and haven’t in decades.

Again, I didn’t plan on bringing my kid, but I think it’s very weird to celebrate a baby’s impending birth by banning other babies from attendance. A shower, which we all know is just a gift grab, really isn’t worth a sitter.

Then don't go.

You sound really self centered by the way.

Why self centered? I have no plan to bring my kid, I just think it’s bizarre to expect people to come to a party to celebrate a future baby and get sitters for their own. I hope those mothers don’t anticipate their children will be welcome at any of their friends’ parties anytime soon.

Like most people I know, I go because I have to. Does anyone enjoy baby showers? I truly can’t imagine why any adult would want to play the ridiculous shower games and watch presents be opened for an hour and a half.

Please stay home then and spare your friends.

Why do you need a sitter? What is your SO doing?

He’s a doctor. I don’t have someone to tag team with on most weekends. Not every woman or person has a spouse who works a 9-5. I see a lot of posts on this thread about why women who often bring their kids places shouldn’t expect to have friends. It’s really narrow minded. You’re a terrible friend if you can’t imagine that other women lack some of your flexibility to dump your children on other people. Frankly, if I’m taking the time away from my own kid and arranging childcare, the event has to be worth it. Egg salad and watching you open sixty identical onesies is not.

Your husband is a doctor. You can afford a sitter. Or ask a friend to watch your kid. Do you have any of those?

Also, you sound like an awful friend. Please don't go. I wouldn't want you there if I knew you were spewing this much hate about my baby shower.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son. In the last two years I’ve been to several baby showers, and all of them have been child free events. Two of them said that they’d rather no babies because it wouldn’t be as fun for their mothers (lol, like watching the mother-to-be unwrap gifts and guessing how big her belly is with a ribbon is tremendous fun). The third specifically said that children are not invited. I wasn’t planning to bring my son (the shower falls during nap time) so I’m not offended, but I think this is strange! Am I wrong? Aren’t baby showers typically baby friendly?

Your two year old isn't a baby. A baby is different than a 2 year old toddler. No, they aren't always baby friendly and you have a toddler, not a baby.

I said that I’ve been to several in the last two years since he was born. I didn’t think I had to say both baby and toddler in the title for you to understand.

For those saying the hosts are probably tired of having children around, they were all hosted by the future grandmother. They don’t have small children and haven’t in decades.

Again, I didn’t plan on bringing my kid, but I think it’s very weird to celebrate a baby’s impending birth by banning other babies from attendance. A shower, which we all know is just a gift grab, really isn’t worth a sitter.

Then don't go.

You sound really self centered by the way.

Why self centered? I have no plan to bring my kid, I just think it’s bizarre to expect people to come to a party to celebrate a future baby and get sitters for their own. I hope those mothers don’t anticipate their children will be welcome at any of their friends’ parties anytime soon.

Like most people I know, I go because I have to. Does anyone enjoy baby showers? I truly can’t imagine why any adult would want to play the ridiculous shower games and watch presents be opened for an hour and a half.

Please stay home then and spare your friends.

Why do you need a sitter? What is your SO doing?

He’s a doctor. I don’t have someone to tag team with on most weekends. Not every woman or person has a spouse who works a 9-5. I see a lot of posts on this thread about why women who often bring their kids places shouldn’t expect to have friends. It’s really narrow minded. You’re a terrible friend if you can’t imagine that other women lack some of your flexibility to dump your children on other people. Frankly, if I’m taking the time away from my own kid and arranging childcare, the event has to be worth it. Egg salad and watching you open sixty identical onesies is not.

Then the advice you’ve been given is perfect: don’t go. But complaining that invitations are not crafted for your preferences is entitled.

Okay, but that’s not what happened. I said I had no intention of bringing my child. I said that I think it’s ridiculous to throw world’s worst party in celebration of impending birth and demand that everyone else leave their baby at home, and was wondering if this is common practice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son. In the last two years I’ve been to several baby showers, and all of them have been child free events. Two of them said that they’d rather no babies because it wouldn’t be as fun for their mothers (lol, like watching the mother-to-be unwrap gifts and guessing how big her belly is with a ribbon is tremendous fun). The third specifically said that children are not invited. I wasn’t planning to bring my son (the shower falls during nap time) so I’m not offended, but I think this is strange! Am I wrong? Aren’t baby showers typically baby friendly?

No they are not. This is her day regarding her unborn child. If people bring their own children, they will be distracted. It’s like making an appearance, or something, instead of being fully invested.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son. In the last two years I’ve been to several baby showers, and all of them have been child free events. Two of them said that they’d rather no babies because it wouldn’t be as fun for their mothers (lol, like watching the mother-to-be unwrap gifts and guessing how big her belly is with a ribbon is tremendous fun). The third specifically said that children are not invited. I wasn’t planning to bring my son (the shower falls during nap time) so I’m not offended, but I think this is strange! Am I wrong? Aren’t baby showers typically baby friendly?

Your two year old isn't a baby. A baby is different than a 2 year old toddler. No, they aren't always baby friendly and you have a toddler, not a baby.

I said that I’ve been to several in the last two years since he was born. I didn’t think I had to say both baby and toddler in the title for you to understand.

For those saying the hosts are probably tired of having children around, they were all hosted by the future grandmother. They don’t have small children and haven’t in decades.

Again, I didn’t plan on bringing my kid, but I think it’s very weird to celebrate a baby’s impending birth by banning other babies from attendance. A shower, which we all know is just a gift grab, really isn’t worth a sitter.

Then don't go.

You sound really self centered by the way.

Why self centered? I have no plan to bring my kid, I just think it’s bizarre to expect people to come to a party to celebrate a future baby and get sitters for their own. I hope those mothers don’t anticipate their children will be welcome at any of their friends’ parties anytime soon.

Like most people I know, I go because I have to. Does anyone enjoy baby showers? I truly can’t imagine why any adult would want to play the ridiculous shower games and watch presents be opened for an hour and a half.

Please stay home then and spare your friends.

Why do you need a sitter? What is your SO doing?

He’s a doctor. I don’t have someone to tag team with on most weekends. Not every woman or person has a spouse who works a 9-5. I see a lot of posts on this thread about why women who often bring their kids places shouldn’t expect to have friends. It’s really narrow minded. You’re a terrible friend if you can’t imagine that other women lack some of your flexibility to dump your children on other people. Frankly, if I’m taking the time away from my own kid and arranging childcare, the event has to be worth it. Egg salad and watching you open sixty identical onesies is not.

Your husband is a doctor. You can afford a sitter. Or ask a friend to watch your kid. Do you have any of those?

Also, you sound like an awful friend. Please don't go. I wouldn't want you there if I knew you were spewing this much hate about my baby shower.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son. In the last two years I’ve been to several baby showers, and all of them have been child free events. Two of them said that they’d rather no babies because it wouldn’t be as fun for their mothers (lol, like watching the mother-to-be unwrap gifts and guessing how big her belly is with a ribbon is tremendous fun). The third specifically said that children are not invited. I wasn’t planning to bring my son (the shower falls during nap time) so I’m not offended, but I think this is strange! Am I wrong? Aren’t baby showers typically baby friendly?

Your two year old isn't a baby. A baby is different than a 2 year old toddler. No, they aren't always baby friendly and you have a toddler, not a baby.

I said that I’ve been to several in the last two years since he was born. I didn’t think I had to say both baby and toddler in the title for you to understand.

For those saying the hosts are probably tired of having children around, they were all hosted by the future grandmother. They don’t have small children and haven’t in decades.

Again, I didn’t plan on bringing my kid, but I think it’s very weird to celebrate a baby’s impending birth by banning other babies from attendance. A shower, which we all know is just a gift grab, really isn’t worth a sitter.

Then don't go.

You sound really self centered by the way.

Why self centered? I have no plan to bring my kid, I just think it’s bizarre to expect people to come to a party to celebrate a future baby and get sitters for their own. I hope those mothers don’t anticipate their children will be welcome at any of their friends’ parties anytime soon.

Like most people I know, I go because I have to. Does anyone enjoy baby showers? I truly can’t imagine why any adult would want to play the ridiculous shower games and watch presents be opened for an hour and a half.

Please stay home then and spare your friends.

Why do you need a sitter? What is your SO doing?

He’s a doctor. I don’t have someone to tag team with on most weekends. Not every woman or person has a spouse who works a 9-5. I see a lot of posts on this thread about why women who often bring their kids places shouldn’t expect to have friends. It’s really narrow minded. You’re a terrible friend if you can’t imagine that other women lack some of your flexibility to dump your children on other people. Frankly, if I’m taking the time away from my own kid and arranging childcare, the event has to be worth it. Egg salad and watching you open sixty identical onesies is not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be great if more of these events (baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, etc.) allowed kids. But I think what people are not understanding is that in cultures where kids get invited to everything, there is also a cultural expectation that people other than a child's mother will participate in minding the kids. And at an event like a baby shower, the expectation would be that there are people on hand to watch the kids, perhaps in another room or outside, white the guest of honor and hosts do their thing.

In the US, we have created this (incredibly unrealistic! misogynist! confining!) expectation that children are ONLY parented by their parents, and especially the mom. So everyone is envisioning a baby shower where it's just women, they all have kids, and they are all trying to do typical shower events while the kids are demanding to be fed and played with. That DOES sound stressful. Maybe one pre-mobile baby or two, but a bunch of toddlers or older kids? That would be really hard.

Imagine a baby shower where (1) the entire community is invited, including men and children, even older children, neighbors you're close to, etc., and (2) where the event itself is more expansive and everyone works together to celebrate the new parents, whether that means serving cake or keeping track of gifts or minding the kids pregnant.

Like think of how radical it would be if kids were there and the men present took charge of watching them to give the women a chance to talk with and celebrate the expecting mom, answering questions about pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum experience as appropriate. And then also time for the father-to-be to have the same experience. Aunts and grandmas and cousins and neighbors around to help as well.

You are all imagining kids at this event as being very burdensome to the women present, because we are stuck in this paradigm where if your kid is somewhere, you are 100% responsible for them at all times, and where communities don't operate in this interconnected way. So yes, in that set up, most moms are going to think "ugh, no, I'd rather leave the baby at home with a sitter or my spouse and then at least I don't have to stress."

It's honestly sad. No wonder parents are so stressed. There is no break. If you aren't watching your kids, you're paying someone to do it, and that's your entire life from the moment they are born until they are old enough to be left alone.

Not everyone has access to a space large enough to hold all of these people.

Where would the dads even be watching all these kids apart from the women?

Maybe this scenario works for someone that has a mansion on acreage, but people all over the US live in small homes with tiny yards, or even apartment. Some might rent a hall or restaurant space if there will be a lot of guests but those usually don't offer a separate space for kids to run around screaming as the dads corral them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son. In the last two years I’ve been to several baby showers, and all of them have been child free events. Two of them said that they’d rather no babies because it wouldn’t be as fun for their mothers (lol, like watching the mother-to-be unwrap gifts and guessing how big her belly is with a ribbon is tremendous fun). The third specifically said that children are not invited. I wasn’t planning to bring my son (the shower falls during nap time) so I’m not offended, but I think this is strange! Am I wrong? Aren’t baby showers typically baby friendly?

Your two year old isn't a baby. A baby is different than a 2 year old toddler. No, they aren't always baby friendly and you have a toddler, not a baby.

I said that I’ve been to several in the last two years since he was born. I didn’t think I had to say both baby and toddler in the title for you to understand.

For those saying the hosts are probably tired of having children around, they were all hosted by the future grandmother. They don’t have small children and haven’t in decades.

Again, I didn’t plan on bringing my kid, but I think it’s very weird to celebrate a baby’s impending birth by banning other babies from attendance. A shower, which we all know is just a gift grab, really isn’t worth a sitter.

Then don't go.

You sound really self centered by the way.

Why self centered? I have no plan to bring my kid, I just think it’s bizarre to expect people to come to a party to celebrate a future baby and get sitters for their own. I hope those mothers don’t anticipate their children will be welcome at any of their friends’ parties anytime soon.

Like most people I know, I go because I have to. Does anyone enjoy baby showers? I truly can’t imagine why any adult would want to play the ridiculous shower games and watch presents be opened for an hour and a half.

Please stay home then and spare your friends.

Why do you need a sitter? What is your SO doing?

He’s a doctor. I don’t have someone to tag team with on most weekends. Not every woman or person has a spouse who works a 9-5. I see a lot of posts on this thread about why women who often bring their kids places shouldn’t expect to have friends. It’s really narrow minded. You’re a terrible friend if you can’t imagine that other women lack some of your flexibility to dump your children on other people. Frankly, if I’m taking the time away from my own kid and arranging childcare, the event has to be worth it. Egg salad and watching you open sixty identical onesies is not.

Then the advice you’ve been given is perfect: don’t go. But complaining that invitations are not crafted for your preferences is entitled.

Okay, but that’s not what happened. I said I had no intention of bringing my child. I said that I think it’s ridiculous to throw world’s worst party in celebration of impending birth and demand that everyone else leave their baby at home, and was wondering if this is common practice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son. In the last two years I’ve been to several baby showers, and all of them have been child free events. Two of them said that they’d rather no babies because it wouldn’t be as fun for their mothers (lol, like watching the mother-to-be unwrap gifts and guessing how big her belly is with a ribbon is tremendous fun). The third specifically said that children are not invited. I wasn’t planning to bring my son (the shower falls during nap time) so I’m not offended, but I think this is strange! Am I wrong? Aren’t baby showers typically baby friendly?

Your two year old isn't a baby. A baby is different than a 2 year old toddler. No, they aren't always baby friendly and you have a toddler, not a baby.

I said that I’ve been to several in the last two years since he was born. I didn’t think I had to say both baby and toddler in the title for you to understand.

For those saying the hosts are probably tired of having children around, they were all hosted by the future grandmother. They don’t have small children and haven’t in decades.

Again, I didn’t plan on bringing my kid, but I think it’s very weird to celebrate a baby’s impending birth by banning other babies from attendance. A shower, which we all know is just a gift grab, really isn’t worth a sitter.

Then don't go.

You sound really self centered by the way.

Why self centered? I have no plan to bring my kid, I just think it’s bizarre to expect people to come to a party to celebrate a future baby and get sitters for their own. I hope those mothers don’t anticipate their children will be welcome at any of their friends’ parties anytime soon.

Like most people I know, I go because I have to. Does anyone enjoy baby showers? I truly can’t imagine why any adult would want to play the ridiculous shower games and watch presents be opened for an hour and a half.

Please stay home then and spare your friends.

Why do you need a sitter? What is your SO doing?

He’s a doctor. I don’t have someone to tag team with on most weekends. Not every woman or person has a spouse who works a 9-5. I see a lot of posts on this thread about why women who often bring their kids places shouldn’t expect to have friends. It’s really narrow minded. You’re a terrible friend if you can’t imagine that other women lack some of your flexibility to dump your children on other people. Frankly, if I’m taking the time away from my own kid and arranging childcare, the event has to be worth it. Egg salad and watching you open sixty identical onesies is not.

Then the advice you’ve been given is perfect: don’t go. But complaining that invitations are not crafted for your preferences is entitled.

Okay, but that’s not what happened. I said I had no intention of bringing my child. I said that I think it’s ridiculous to throw world’s worst party in celebration of impending birth and demand that everyone else leave their baby at home, and was wondering if this is common practice.

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be great if more of these events (baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, etc.) allowed kids. But I think what people are not understanding is that in cultures where kids get invited to everything, there is also a cultural expectation that people other than a child's mother will participate in minding the kids. And at an event like a baby shower, the expectation would be that there are people on hand to watch the kids, perhaps in another room or outside, white the guest of honor and hosts do their thing.

In the US, we have created this (incredibly unrealistic! misogynist! confining!) expectation that children are ONLY parented by their parents, and especially the mom. So everyone is envisioning a baby shower where it's just women, they all have kids, and they are all trying to do typical shower events while the kids are demanding to be fed and played with. That DOES sound stressful. Maybe one pre-mobile baby or two, but a bunch of toddlers or older kids? That would be really hard.

Imagine a baby shower where (1) the entire community is invited, including men and children, even older children, neighbors you're close to, etc., and (2) where the event itself is more expansive and everyone works together to celebrate the new parents, whether that means serving cake or keeping track of gifts or minding the kids pregnant.

Like think of how radical it would be if kids were there and the men present took charge of watching them to give the women a chance to talk with and celebrate the expecting mom, answering questions about pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum experience as appropriate. And then also time for the father-to-be to have the same experience. Aunts and grandmas and cousins and neighbors around to help as well.

You are all imagining kids at this event as being very burdensome to the women present, because we are stuck in this paradigm where if your kid is somewhere, you are 100% responsible for them at all times, and where communities don't operate in this interconnected way. So yes, in that set up, most moms are going to think "ugh, no, I'd rather leave the baby at home with a sitter or my spouse and then at least I don't have to stress."

It's honestly sad. No wonder parents are so stressed. There is no break. If you aren't watching your kids, you're paying someone to do it, and that's your entire life from the moment they are born until they are old enough to be left alone.