Anonymous wrote:I have never given only $100 to a wedding, and the first one I went to was in the mid 90’s. $100 would have seemed like an insult- I’d have been embarrassed to give that little.

Guffaw

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, no. We give $250 for nieces and nephews (who are all about that age and there are 19 of them).

We give $3000 for weddings and $1500 for the showers for nieces and nephews. I have 6 of them only.

Good for you. But that isn't a real touchstone for anyone reading this post.

Anonymous wrote:Um, no. We give $250 for nieces and nephews (who are all about that age and there are 19 of them).

We give $3000 for weddings and $1500 for the showers for nieces and nephews. I have 6 of them only.

Interesting. We just went to a wedding last weekend and gave $500 and felt cheap.

Anonymous wrote:What about second weddings?

I don't think this matters anymore. A couple of generations ago wedding gifts were all about helping a very young couple set up housekeeping with household items (those items differed in quality by social class, but everyone got plates, sheets, etc), and that was generally not a concern with second marriages. Nowadays people marry later, and even with first marriages they tend to already have everything (or most of everything) they need. So gift-giving is more of a simple gesture of good will as opposed to a community effort at making sure everyone has a comfortable home when they start out. More like a birthday present, given to celebrate someone. Given that shift, I'd give the same amount for a first or second (or third or whatever) wedding.

Anonymous wrote:What if you don’t go to the wedding? I was invited to an out of state wedding in a few weeks. I think I got the invite because my cousin and I attend a funeral and his fiancé, who I met for the first time and I spoke for awhile at the after dinner and the next morning. I hadn’t seen or spoke to the groom (my cousin) in many years, but I’m close to his sister. I was going to spend $150. Cheap?

I think that is more than enough for not attending. If I'm not attending, I send $100 in a card or something of about that value off the registry if they have one. When my stepsister whom I haven't spoken to in about 20 years's DD invited me to her wedding (I'd met the DD maybe 2 times when she was a toddler?), probably knowing we wouldn't attend, i considered it a cash grab and declined the invite and sent nothing. I don't know you, lol.

Of course if it were a very close friend or something, and I couldn't attend, I'd send more than $100.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never given only $100 to a wedding, and the first one I went to was in the mid 90’s. $100 would have seemed like an insult- I’d have been embarrassed to give that little.

Your privilege is showing.

Real privilege is attending weddings where people don’t give cash.

Anonymous wrote:I knew someone who bragged about "covering his plate" but gave a gift on the low end for my wedding. I didn't mind the gift, but the bragging was.. in character.

I give more when the wedding is cheaper (per head), because that's a recipient who is wise with money. If bride's daddy is paying $100K, I'm donating to charity in their honor.

You are way overthinking things ... in a really weird way. And it's not pretty.

I’m being invited to a destination wedding this summer in another continent and just traveling there will cost over $2000. This is out of control

Honestly people are so rude just because the venue meal all the stupid little things that add up to absolutely ridiculous amounts. The invites go out and right your just sending them do you really have 200 close friends no.
You give what you can and that’s it.

What about second weddings?

It all depends on your friend group. I recently gave a piece of Le Cruset ($400) and the couple emphasized repeatedly that it was a "generous" gift, so I think perhaps other gifts were smaller. Our friend group is not wealthy and mostly public sector, so I assume most gave within their means. Maybe a circle with more bankers or tech people would be different.

The registry is a good guide. The couple SHOULD have some inexpensive pieces on there and there may also be a few big-ticket wishful thinking items, but there will probably be an overall average price that you can aim for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should give 300

No, I *should* drink less, eat more vegetables, and stop swearing so much.

But there is no *should* when it comes to gifts. Gifts are entirely optional and 100% at the discretion of the giver.

I've been to many weddings -- from simple backyard affairs to four-day $500K extravaganzas. The amount spent on the event, the amount I spent to dress/get there has nothing to do with how much I give the couple. Our relationship is the only thing that matters.

And this thread just reminded me that the couple who hosted the four-day extravaganza still hasn't sent a thank you note. That factors into future gifts.

Did you send a thank you note for the extravaganza?

Yes, in the same card with our check/gift.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never given only $100 to a wedding, and the first one I went to was in the mid 90’s. $100 would have seemed like an insult- I’d have been embarrassed to give that little.

Your privilege is showing.

+1. Most of the gifts we received for our 2013 wedding were $100. A few in the $150-200 range. But definitely from an actual middle class background, not a DCUM “I feel middle class even though I live in Chevy chase…”

No. $100 would be it for me. That's what I can afford.