OP - is your son neurodivergent or have issues of some sort?

If he is "normal" then you really need to pus this. There is no better time to learn to drive than in high school. It gets so much harder when you are no longer living at home. Plus, it's also harder the older you get.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness, now I know the origin story of the three completely hapless adults I know who can’t drive. Tell your son that there WILL come a day when his friends refuse to indulge him any more. I told one of DH’s college friends point blank after a few years of indulging her that no, we wouldn’t be picking her up from the Metro and giving her rides anymore, once Uber came out.

+1000

Gotta love all the lazy parents posting! The best, “Well, he just may live in cities his whole life.” Yes! That’s attractive. VERY UNLIKELY. Hey, John… why don’t you drive? Just don’t feel like it. Sexy!! He’s going to attract a winner of a partner that way. PP’s…striving to raise the lackluster adults of the next generation!

A world of Sheldons that don't drive....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even a college in the Boston suburbs will run a shuttle to the metro, airport, and into Boston. It's really such a great place for car-free living!

With all the things a person starting college has to juggle, you don't want him to have to hassle with a car, parking, shoveling snow off it, and of course people asking him for rides all the dang time. Focus on enjoying your time with your son, this is so super duper not worth fighting about.

He doesn’t need a car, but he does need a license. Even if he doesn’t step foot in a car again for 5 years.

What does he need the license for? He can get a non-driver ID card.

Yes!! Keep those expectations low, PP! In fact, why not take it a step further? Just let the kid lay in the couch with his/her phone all day with an IV drop. Can just turn them over occasionally to avoid bed sores. No expectations in this household, yo!

Anonymous wrote:My now 21 yr old got her license at 18. For awhile she claimed that she would never want to drive, but she later decided it would be good to have a license. Why? In her words, because she may want to have a backup job as a bus driver someday.

or when her date is not sober

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness, now I know the origin story of the three completely hapless adults I know who can’t drive. Tell your son that there WILL come a day when his friends refuse to indulge him any more. I told one of DH’s college friends point blank after a few years of indulging her that no, we wouldn’t be picking her up from the Metro and giving her rides anymore, once Uber came out.

+1000

Gotta love all the lazy parents posting! The best, “Well, he just may live in cities his whole life.” Yes! That’s attractive. VERY UNLIKELY. Hey, John… why don’t you drive? Just don’t feel like it. Sexy!! He’s going to attract a winner of a partner that way. PP’s…striving to raise the lackluster adults of the next generation!

I didn't get my license until I was 21 and my life didn't end. At 16 I felt I was too young to drive and was intimidated by it, living in suburban Maryland. My dad actually bought me a car and I started crying because I wanted nothing to do with it. I went to college and my university was walkable, plus some of the nightlife. I would drive with roommates to the store, etc. It didn't hold me back at all. The summer between junior and senior year I did Driver's Ed and learned in 4 days (test on the 4th day), I had never even practiced before. I felt a million times more confident, wouldn't change it now at all, in the long run I think it made me a much better driver.

We're in MD, so this may not apply. But I know of kids who took written test and never took driving test before going to college. After a few years (I think they were rising sophomores in college), the learner's permit expired and they had to completely start over, including the various delays between written test and driving test.

(My 17 also didn't want to practice driving and when she heard this, she started practicing enough to get the full license though rarely drives now that she has it.)

A relative in a large city with lots of mass transit never bothered to get a driver’s license. No car, but also no need to drive, because of where they live. In exceptional situations, they get a taxi. They did get a state-issued photo ID for non-drivers, as that type of photo ID is needed all the time.

Anonymous wrote:He needs a form of ID.

In most states, there is a state photo ID for non-drivers which is available from the DMV. Often these are no-cost. He will need at least that before heading off to college. Ideally, get the “Real ID” version of that ID, to avoid TSA hassles later on.

Anonymous wrote:Heck, I would go so far as to tell my son that he gets a ton of “manliness points” for being able to drive!

So women become manly when they learn to drive?

I think this is a “lead a horse to water” situation. I agree that not being able to drive is very limiting, even with Uber, Lyft, etc. I think parents should make training and licensing and practice and post-licensing experience accessible, to the extent they can, financially and otherwise.

But there comes a point at which people have to make their own choices and their own mistakes and live with them. If, after full disclosure and efforts to assist, a young person doesn’t want to drive, then I think that is their choice to make WITH all its consequences. That means parents do not remain chauffeurs, do not pay for alternate transportation, etc.

It may be for the best for some people not to drive. Better a non-driver than a dangerously nervous, timid or otherwise incompetent one. This concern also comes to mind in situations where parents want kids to get licensed, but the kid gets no post-licensing experience. As any experienced driver knows, the license is just the beginning and becoming a really good driver takes a lot of experience.

I have a 17y who has had a permit for 18m and has practiced less than 5 hours. He is terrified (took a lot of discussion with him to get to admit this.) I am insisting he learn to drive as a basic skill (he doesn't want to live in an urban city - so no public transportation.) He is going to stat therapy and we will spend his senior year working on driving skills (with DH and a professional instructor.)

My 18 year old is in the same spot, except she thinks she's a good driver and she's horrible so I am secretly hoping she fails her test. If she passes, then I'm gonna be on the hook for her insurance!!!