People legitimately think it’s ok for a spouse to demand unfettered access to review contents of a phone? If that request were ever made of me, the marriage would have already concluded. To not trust, to have reason not to trust, or to feel that entitled are waaay over the line.

Oh yeah, and OP, your husband is either cheating on you, has cheated on you, or seriously intrigued.

Anonymous wrote:Crickets from op now

Because it was a good troll. But I like OP 3 posts up who said it's time to consider divorce. Over one selfie.

Now that we got that far, the troll has achieved all their possible goals.

Crickets from op now

if she's "crazy" why doesn't DH block and delete her? It's not hard. Does he like the attention?

You’re right, op, your husband does have a boundary problem.. with you. Assuming the text just came into his phone, he could have said “Yeah, that’s Sally, I don’t know why she texted that picture” and then either blocked her or texted back with “my wife has a dress just like that and boy does she look hot” basically letting her know that he’s a married man and doesn’t want this girl’s pictures.
It’s’s also possible that she’s crazy, but again his caginess is my problem. I know I’d be hurt and angry if my husband got a text and didn’t explain it to me on a perfectly good Friday night where he and I could be doing just about anything together. I’d be hurt that he didn’t ask me what I wanted him to do or that he was trying to make me feel like the crazy one for being upset. To the poster who said “he’s choosing to manage the crazy”, the problem is that his management style is coming into his wife’s sanctuary. She sees and/or hears the text come in, she sees what it is, and she can do nothing. She didn’t get to date this girl, why should her husband be visiting his problem.. if that’s what he thinks it to be on his wife not when he can tell the girl to go away, he can block her, he can get a new number, he’s got lots of things he can do to make his wife feel better.

OP, you need to not put up with this. Tell your husband what you need him to do whatever that is. Know too that you can end the marriage. It sounds petty unless you’ve been there. The big issue is that he is prioritizing another woman’s comfort over yours and that’s not ok. Crazy or not, your comfort and well-being comes first with your husband.. always. Trust your instincts, if you aren’t a jealous person, something made you wonder about this text and you need to pay attention. You guys also need to take care of your marriage and put whatever effort is going into other things back into the marriage. If he’d spent as much time enjoying you then he did explaining away this text, you probably wouldn’t have posted.

OP - has your DH told her that he is married and to stop sending selfies?

Also - how long did you and DH date before getting married?

Check your phone bill to see how often they text and if he's sending or only receiving texts, as he says.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you see the text and pic of you don’t have his password?

Op; I saw the notification pop up on his Lock Screen. Her full name and profile pic was there. I asked him later what she sent and that’s when he gradually admitted it was a selfie (after much prodding).

Oh dear. He didn't show you the picture right then and there? Sorry but he's cheating on you. This is all kind of red flags. You know in your heart ladies don't text selfies to married men who "don't text back." Yeah ok!

Yes this. If it was really NBD he would have handed over his phone for you to scroll thru that chain.

Now I'm sure he's long since deleted his messages back to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you see the text and pic of you don’t have his password?

Op; I saw the notification pop up on his Lock Screen. Her full name and profile pic was there. I asked him later what she sent and that’s when he gradually admitted it was a selfie (after much prodding).

Oh dear. He didn't show you the picture right then and there? Sorry but he's cheating on you. This is all kind of red flags. You know in your heart ladies don't text selfies to married men who "don't text back." Yeah ok!

Yes this. If it was really NBD he would have handed over his phone for you to scroll thru that chain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been married for one year, and dated for a year before marriage. He received a text message with a selfie from a woman late Friday night. I asked him about since I saw it pop up on his phone, and he said it was someone he dated right before we got together, and she occasionally reaches out via text and he never responds. He said she's "crazy". I looked her up on Instagram and it looks like she's a local single mom around our age and often posting pics of her posing in various outfits.

How would you handle? Would you let it go? I don't have his phone password, for what it's worth.

Why don't you have his password? That's strange.

? DP. My partner and I are adults and trust each other. No passwords wanted or needed.

My husband and I trust each other and we don't have passwords on our phones.

You don't have passwords on your phones? For reals?

"For reals."

Um, there are a lot of reasons to have a passcode on your phone that don’t involve hiding things from your spouse. DH and I know each others’ codes but have you thought about what happens if you lose your phone or it is stolen???

No this was already answered. Keep reading the thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. I've had friends like this. As long as the photos are not naked and he's not having deep conversations with her, who cares. He's allowed to have frienships with females I assume.

Look at actions, not words. Is he tuning out at dinner so he can text this friend back and forth. That's the time to get worried.

friendships with her is fine, but why would "just a friend" be sending pix of them dressed up in the bathroom repeatedly if he never responds?

+1 this is not a friend

single moms gonna single mom. Seems like normal crazy divorcee behavior to me

I have an ex boyfriend from college who reaches out periodically. It’s kind of sweet. No big deal.

I think it’s strange they don’t have each others passwords. Dh and I don’t snoop in each others phones, but we do know each others passwords and use them when we need to legitimately use the other persons phone. I would be less suspicious of her husband if he wasn’t hiding his phone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been married for one year, and dated for a year before marriage. He received a text message with a selfie from a woman late Friday night. I asked him about since I saw it pop up on his phone, and he said it was someone he dated right before we got together, and she occasionally reaches out via text and he never responds. He said she's "crazy". I looked her up on Instagram and it looks like she's a local single mom around our age and often posting pics of her posing in various outfits.

How would you handle? Would you let it go? I don't have his phone password, for what it's worth.

Why don't you have his password? That's strange.

? DP. My partner and I are adults and trust each other. No passwords wanted or needed.

My husband and I trust each other and we don't have passwords on our phones.

You don't have passwords on your phones? For reals?

"For reals."

Um, there are a lot of reasons to have a passcode on your phone that don’t involve hiding things from your spouse. DH and I know each others’ codes but have you thought about what happens if you lose your phone or it is stolen???