Anonymous
05/13/2023 18:58
Subject: Re:What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, the only people I judge are people who have no registry at all or ONLY the essentially ATM registries (“buy us a scuba excursion on our honeymoon”). If you have that plus a traditional wedding registry, I’m fine with that.
I don’t like giving cash. Particularly at the height of weddings (mid-late 20s) I was making like $50k a year and one year between my boyfriends friends and family and my friends and family I went to EIGHT weddings, most of which involved travel and hotel costs, and two of which involved bridesmaids dresses and bachelorette parties. I will happily buy you something from your registry, but, it’s going to cost a two-digit number. And it feels SO lame sending someone a check for $50.
And, of course, make sure you have a variety of price points. But while I’ve run into the no registry thing several times, I’ve never come across a registry where I couldn’t find something in my price range.
Non traditional items, fine. I’ll happily buy you board games, Christmas decorations, hobby supplies, video games, whatever. Just let me buy you an object!
The whole point of gift giving is finding something the person would like to receive NOT what YOU want to give. It’s not about you.
Anonymous
05/13/2023 18:57
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m going to a wedding later this summer and on the wedding website was asked that in lieu of a gift, the couple would like guests to contribute funds for their honeymoon/so they can make improvements to their house. Keep in mind the couple is in their thirties and both work full-time. I find this incredibly, incredibly tacky and tasteless.
Well, we did this. I guess I find the whole wedding and general gifting culture gross and I would have rather done something with the actual home I live in rather than get some vases that would never be used. I buy many of my things secondhand which I’m sure is considered gauche by you but ultimately I care more about my contribution to making my wedding hoopla as sustainable as I could.
I’m PP you’re responding to, and I understand the utility and universality of cash, but still find the actual asking a bit tacky. Did you have a page on your wedding website that explicit asked for money, or was it implied (eg no registry?). I think it’s the asking that bothers me. Most people give cash/a check anyway.
We said “no boxed gifts.” We did end up with about 25% of our guests that gave nothing which was a bit annoying at the time (since we were plenty generous for their weddings) but understood we didn’t have a registry. I did google a former friend and saw she had a Venmo listed which I thought was pretty bold.
No boxes gifts is beyond tacky. I wouldn’t go to a wedding with this instruction.
No boxed gifts is a very Asian thing. I have been to several Indian and Chinese weddings with this on the invitation. It's customary in both just to give cash, but white people don't know that, so you have to specify.
Anonymous
05/13/2023 18:55
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
I think as long as you have things across multiple price ranges, you'll be fine. Straight out of grad school, one of my friends had a registry where the cheapest thing on it was literally a $60 fork. Rather than buy a fork each, a bunch of us went in together on an all clad pot which was also on the lower end of things on the registry. We still talk about that to this day.
Anonymous
05/13/2023 18:48
Subject: Re:What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Secretly I judge all of them. It's a tacky tradition that needs to end.
Anonymous
05/13/2023 18:29
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m going to a wedding later this summer and on the wedding website was asked that in lieu of a gift, the couple would like guests to contribute funds for their honeymoon/so they can make improvements to their house. Keep in mind the couple is in their thirties and both work full-time. I find this incredibly, incredibly tacky and tasteless.
Well, we did this. I guess I find the whole wedding and general gifting culture gross and I would have rather done something with the actual home I live in rather than get some vases that would never be used. I buy many of my things secondhand which I’m sure is considered gauche by you but ultimately I care more about my contribution to making my wedding hoopla as sustainable as I could.
I’m PP you’re responding to, and I understand the utility and universality of cash, but still find the actual asking a bit tacky. Did you have a page on your wedding website that explicit asked for money, or was it implied (eg no registry?). I think it’s the asking that bothers me. Most people give cash/a check anyway.
We said “no boxed gifts.” We did end up with about 25% of our guests that gave nothing which was a bit annoying at the time (since we were plenty generous for their weddings) but understood we didn’t have a registry. I did google a former friend and saw she had a Venmo listed which I thought was pretty bold.
No boxes gifts is beyond tacky. I wouldn’t go to a wedding with this instruction.
No one would miss you, Judgypants.
Anonymous
05/13/2023 18:28
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:I am getting married later this year and feel kind of...strange setting up a registry. Both my fiance and I are in our 30s and have lived on our own for years, but don't live together, so we're mostly registering for "upgraded" household goods (e.g., a nice set of dishes, matching glassware set, etc.) We are not doing any sort of cash fund and aren't adding "unusual" items that aren't really for the house.
Are we good? What kind of registries do you think are tacky?
I don't judge any. People register for what they want or need. And depending on where they are in life, it may be contributing to a honeymoon or a set of dishes. A registry is an ask or set of desires. It is not a demand or requirement. If I can't or don't want to purchase off of it, i don't.
I'm not sure why people get so worked up over these things. Way too uptight . . .
Anonymous
05/13/2023 18:19
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:I think basically the wedding is about celebrating and enjoying life's lovely moments. The polite thing to do when the couple indicate what they want is to give that within what you can afford. I have a sibling who gets herself into a tizzy if she doesn't approve of the registry or a polite request to fund something so she insists on rushing her wealthy self to TJ Maxx to get them some cheap crystal item because NOBODY tells her what to do.
That said, the polite thing IMO for the couple as others said is to have a big price range. If you just want funding or cash try to be discrete and understated-no all cap demands. If you are mega rich, make it clear the gift is people coming and if they want her are some charities we hold dear that you could contribute to, but there is no expectation .
If the couple can handle it is lovely to write than you notes within a few months, rather than sending people off with some mints and a generic note that says "thanks for coming, thanks for the gift!" but if life is busy then that is fine with mea as long as I know you got the gift.
This sounds like most of DCUM - funny!!
Anonymous
05/13/2023 18:15
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:People who judge believe other people judge
x100000
So true - judgy people think other people are as judgy as they are.
Anonymous
05/13/2023 18:10
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
People who judge believe other people judge
Anonymous
05/13/2023 17:53
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
I hate “pay for my honeymoon” websites with items like “wine tasting two in Tuscany”
Anonymous
05/13/2023 17:50
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’ve learned to just give cash in a card and not deal with registries except for showers. I think directly asking for cash is tacky tacky tack through (so that is all honeymoon funds, etc.)
I write checks instead of giving them cash. Also, since I have my name and address on the check they know who gave them the check. Furthermore, no one is able to steal the cash.
I give according to the reciprocity of the relationship or the cost of the dinner - whichever is higher. I write my check after the dinner is over.
Are you Italian? This is my entire family except they stuff cash in there.
Anonymous
05/13/2023 17:45
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m going to a wedding later this summer and on the wedding website was asked that in lieu of a gift, the couple would like guests to contribute funds for their honeymoon/so they can make improvements to their house. Keep in mind the couple is in their thirties and both work full-time. I find this incredibly, incredibly tacky and tasteless.
Well, we did this. I guess I find the whole wedding and general gifting culture gross and I would have rather done something with the actual home I live in rather than get some vases that would never be used. I buy many of my things secondhand which I’m sure is considered gauche by you but ultimately I care more about my contribution to making my wedding hoopla as sustainable as I could.
I’m PP you’re responding to, and I understand the utility and universality of cash, but still find the actual asking a bit tacky. Did you have a page on your wedding website that explicit asked for money, or was it implied (eg no registry?). I think it’s the asking that bothers me. Most people give cash/a check anyway.
We said “no boxed gifts.” We did end up with about 25% of our guests that gave nothing which was a bit annoying at the time (since we were plenty generous for their weddings) but understood we didn’t have a registry. I did google a former friend and saw she had a Venmo listed which I thought was pretty bold.
No boxes gifts is beyond tacky. I wouldn’t go to a wedding with this instruction.
Anonymous
05/13/2023 17:39
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
I did not do a registry and got some gifts but not many. I find all registries tacky, TBH.
Anonymous
05/13/2023 17:36
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
Anonymous wrote:I would not even know what “no boxed gifts” means! People are weird.
I had no idea before dcum. But I'm also from an area where most people are fine with "boxed gifts."
Anonymous
05/13/2023 17:32
Subject: What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?
I would not even know what “no boxed gifts” means! People are weird.