Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:59     Subject: DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All you can do is support him here. This will serve two purposes. One, it’s fine if he wants to take a gap year. Two, if he is overreacting then he is more likely to realize that if you are not putting up a blocker.


This. Our kid is very reactive, and the surest way to make him calm down and rethink an overreaction is to agree with it. Kid says “My professor is terrible, that’s why I’m struggling with this assignment.” We say “yeah, that assignment doesn’t sound ideal.” Kid says “well, to be fair, it was explained in class. I’m just venting. I’ll get it done.” On the other hand, if we argue that kid needs to do his work, then he digs his heels in about how bad the prof is.

It seems like _if_ OP’s DS is overreacting, being supportive will help him settle down. If not, then they end up supporting a mature decision. Win-win.

Personally, I would have been a lot more serious and focused in undergrad if I had worked full time for a year. My dad did full time undergrad while working full time after getting back from serving in Viet Nam, and he used to comment to me that when he was in school, he really couldn’t relate to angsty 18 year olds who were f-ing around in college. He said that if he was going to miss work to take classes that he was also paying for, he was damn well going to get straight As.


Scott Galloway has a similar story. Didn't get into college. Got a job installing closet systems. Decided pretty quickly that he was going to do whatever it took to get in college the following cycle and did.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:58     Subject: Re:DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Studies have shown that older people (but not like elderly old) do better academically. There is a reason why top k-12 private schools require entering kindergarteners to be 6 years old.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:58     Subject: Re:DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Your son sounds amazing! He took the initiative to make arrangements. Let him go…
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:58     Subject: Re:DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
OP: Judging by the college app results (1/11) and your son's reaction (running away to grandma's farm), maturity may be an issue. If so, a gap year focusing on work is a reasonable alternative. The question then becomes whether it would be more productive to be with grandparents or exposed to the real world work environment.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:57     Subject: Re:DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Anonymous wrote:Join the military. Enlist. Should be substantial benefits for college.


Massive opportunity cost in waiting until 22 or older to start college.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:56     Subject: DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Anonymous wrote:All you can do is support him here. This will serve two purposes. One, it’s fine if he wants to take a gap year. Two, if he is overreacting then he is more likely to realize that if you are not putting up a blocker.


This. Our kid is very reactive, and the surest way to make him calm down and rethink an overreaction is to agree with it. Kid says “My professor is terrible, that’s why I’m struggling with this assignment.” We say “yeah, that assignment doesn’t sound ideal.” Kid says “well, to be fair, it was explained in class. I’m just venting. I’ll get it done.” On the other hand, if we argue that kid needs to do his work, then he digs his heels in about how bad the prof is.

It seems like _if_ OP’s DS is overreacting, being supportive will help him settle down. If not, then they end up supporting a mature decision. Win-win.

Personally, I would have been a lot more serious and focused in undergrad if I had worked full time for a year. My dad did full time undergrad while working full time after getting back from serving in Viet Nam, and he used to comment to me that when he was in school, he really couldn’t relate to angsty 18 year olds who were f-ing around in college. He said that if he was going to miss work to take classes that he was also paying for, he was damn well going to get straight As.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:55     Subject: DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he is giving up, sulking and running away to lick his wounds.

Working on the farm alone for a year is not going to improve his chance of entry to any college.

He should attend the one he has a place at and work his ASS OFF to get the best grades possible for 2 reasons - improve his chances of success there and make the possibility of transfer viable if at the end of the 1st / start of the 2nd he wants to transfer.



It's hardly "sulking," it's a mature response to a bad outcome and way better than choosing to attend a school he's not going to like attending. He'll get way more out of college after this kind of year. Can't speak to how it plays out from an admissions perspective. Transferring is a less optimal outcome because he'd be leaving friends, etc., and significantly disrupting his experience.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:54     Subject: Re:DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think this is such a smart idea. I'm surprised by the pushback.

I don't like that he went to grandparents first, but maybe he wanted to see if it was even an option. I'll give him a pass on this one.

Right now I'd ask him, How much are going to be paid? (adulting lesson - ask about money, even with family)

And assuming that's okay (farm help doesn't pay a lot and minus room/board it may not be much, but it should be something and that something should be saved), I'd tell him you want to see a list of what colleges he'll apply to in the Fall. You want that now. It's a draft, but it should be a considered draft. He won't know a lot more about this process 4 months from now than he does right now.

Some kids think a gap year is a gap year, but look at juniors .. they're being told right now to do their essays this summer. This is where gap year kids fall apart a bit.

So before he goes, you write out a timeline. Testing is done now. No retakes. Essays done by x date. You don't need this done by Sept 1 but you want this all done early enough that the gap year will be spent working, not stressing every deadline. Replaying this stressful year AGAIN is not good for anyone's mental health.

IMO his list should include Cornell's International Agriculture/Rural Dev major which is super interesting, pretty transferrable, and likes kids with this experience. He could also switch if it's not perfect. The argriculture/climate change space is also really expanding in both colleges and the job market.

From one farm kid to another (potential) one, GL!


You think that a kid who went 1/11 on his college apps is going to be accepted to Cornell University because he spent some more time working on grandma's farm ?

His farm experience didn't resonate too well on his first round of college applications.


Yep, I'm pretty familiar with that program and I think he has a good shot if he can talk real science. His apps need to be re-worked obv, but I suspect they were pretty vanilla. "Grandma's farm" has a hint of derision about it, but there's nothing rinky-dink about a year on a farm. It's a data-driven business that is changing all the time with new technologies in every department. I get that you're not impressed, but it's apparent you have very little insight in this area.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:53     Subject: Re:DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Join the military. Enlist. Should be substantial benefits for college.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:53     Subject: DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:1. Defer from the accepted school for a year - do not decline (say its to help grandparents on the family farm, should be fine).

2. Let him go work on the farm! He will mature and do manual labor and spend time with grandparents - win/win/win.

3. He applies again, writing his essay about helping out on the family farm, which lead him to apply to different schools.

4. He gets in at new schools, or, he attends the one he deferred. Make it clear that these are the only options, he can have a gap year on the farm, but he has to go to college after that


This is a very reasonable plan


Terrible plan !

Do NOT defer if he decides to take a gap year. Why defer an acceptance to a school that he does not want to attend ?

How does a deferral affect his ability to apply to other schools next cycle ?


You would have to look at the terms of the deferral agreement for the particular school. Ultimately at any school, you'd just lose your deposit, but they wouldn't know that you were applying elsewhere.



By signing the deferral agreement, the student may be contracting to not apply to any other schools.

And there could be consequences at any new school if the terms of a deferral agreement are violated.


I think this is alarmism. A deferral is not a blood oath.


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:51     Subject: DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think the gap year sounds like a win-win for your son and the grandparents. When else will they get that opportunity? I think it’ll make for one hell of an essay, too, in the fall.


I would also consider hiring someone - even if just for an hour or two - to review his fall applications. Seems like something might not have been great.


Agree. One out of eleven (1/11) isn't good. Something needs to be changed.

Also, farm work is dangerous. If the son is going to be working on a farm for a year, he will be involved with farm machinery. Not the safest environment.


According to OP's first post, their son has been working on the farm during the summer for the last few years, so he probably has more than a passing familiarity.

That said, most of my relatives farm and many periodically express gratitude that there have never been serious accidents.


Different cycles of farm work. Different responsibilities.

And why do you think that your relatives"express gratitude that there have never been serious accidents" ?

Don't take my word, just try to buy your son a disability policy for farm work. You will have about the same luck as a logger.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:51     Subject: Re:DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Totally disagree with those who say working on the farm for a year will make applying to college more difficult. Colleges will understand the maturity this kind of work builds and will value that. He will do better with admissions after a year on the farm, and will have had a chance to clear his head and figure out exactly what he wants.


This is just wrong. Generally, gap years are fine if a student is deferring an acceptance. Colleges have been transparent that a gap year rarely improves an application. Students don’t have enough time between graduation and submitting new applications to meaningfully improve their profile, and getting letters of recommendation, etc. becomes much more difficult. Who will write an updating recommendation to address the gap time? Obviously, the grandparents cannot do this.

The best advice in this thread is to engage a knowledgeable private counselor to do a post-mortem on this application cycle and discuss the gap year plan and it’s implications.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:51     Subject: DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
The farm experience is a nice topic for a college essay but it can be based on a summer of farm work, not a whole year. What was his original essay topic, was it about working in the farm already? I would expand his activities during the gap year instead of all farming. Maybe three months during the busy season, three months working at a business over the holidays, three months acquiring some skill or certificate such as EMT, some experience volunteering for the less advantaged. Mix it up.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:49     Subject: Re:DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Unless you are going to force him to go to the school at which he was accepted, I would put down the deposit to reserve the slot. Have him move out to the farm ASAP when HS ends and let grandparents know that he may get off the WL and will only be there for the Summer. Assume they are fine with this since they need the help so desperately.

After 2-3 months of hardcore farm work, he may decide his current option is better than working another year on the Farm and trying his luck. Worst case, he goes through with the GAP year...but at least there is some optionality for the next 3 months. Yes, you may lose the deposit...though you could tell him he needs to cover that in return for your blessing the overall plan.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2023 09:49     Subject: Re:DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year
Can he accept and ask for a gap year at that school so that he is at least guaranteed a spot the next year, when he might feel differently about it. If he is going to apply all over again, he'll have to be doing it next fall and not clear what he will say about his gap year by then?

I don't think it's a bad idea...just think it doesn't actually give him a year to clear his head as he will need to start reapplying in a couple of months unless he wants two years off.