Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS12 is facing lots of meanness at school - he is a skinny, not very strong kid and they call him 'weak', 'slow' ,etc. Not bullying, just kids being kind of nasty. He is a bit overly sensitive about it too. I think he needs to practice comebacks that will better stand up for himself. He says he can never think of a comeback so I think we need to practice these at homes. Any thoughts on how to help him build these skills? Or what specific comebacks might be useful for this situation?

God no. No no no. That's the worst thing. He would be engaging in a battle of snarly mean wittiness with kids who are probably more socially adept, and would lose and just look foolish. The main solution is to shrug and ignore them and make it as boring as possible for them to taunt him. And yes, it is bullying, so the other solution is to talk to the school and stand up for your child.

Nope.

The solution is to out-arm him; you need to find the powerful ammo. What I'm about to say will sound crazy.

But you need to get the names of the kids. Look up the social media of the parents. Look up their case history (super easy in Maryland, btw). Scroll through all of it.

Maybe their mom is obese. Go for the jugular.
Maybe their dad had a DUI ten years ago? I bet the bully doesn't even know that! That's gold.
Maybe mom had a previous marriage that kid doesn't know about? Use that to obliterate the bully.

It's not just about playground teasing. Have the kid go nuclear and it'll stop immediately. As I previously said, you might get a call from the principal, but your kid will stop getting teased

Your mothers butt so big it looks like Megan da stallions

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bullies will look for a reaction...they want the target to get all upset.

A comeback will feel better while you are planning it, but will likely escalate things.

But an unconcerned shrug and walk away will stop the bullying much faster.

Disagree. I think the posters advising to go nuclear are on the right path.

An unconcerned shrug just says "I'm an easy target." Bullies aren't looking for a fight; they are looking for a victim. They want to feel big and strong in front of the other kids.

If you make them look weak and small, they'll move on to somebody else

+1

It works.

Best comeback I ever saw was when a huge kid threatened to kick a tiny kid's ass, and the tiny one said, "literally everyone can kick my ass. Are you really proud of that?"

Ass-kicking averted. Lean in. Don't try to fight fire with fire when you don't have a match.

Anonymous wrote:DS12 is facing lots of meanness at school - he is a skinny, not very strong kid and they call him 'weak', 'slow' ,etc. Not bullying, just kids being kind of nasty. He is a bit overly sensitive about it too. I think he needs to practice comebacks that will better stand up for himself. He says he can never think of a comeback so I think we need to practice these at homes. Any thoughts on how to help him build these skills? Or what specific comebacks might be useful for this situation?

God no. No no no. That's the worst thing. He would be engaging in a battle of snarly mean wittiness with kids who are probably more socially adept, and would lose and just look foolish. The main solution is to shrug and ignore them and make it as boring as possible for them to taunt him. And yes, it is bullying, so the other solution is to talk to the school and stand up for your child.

My DS has an LD and, unfortunately, IBS (not a disability but certainly can be a target). He had to stop his whole team bus for a bathroom break on the way to a match. His bathroom breaks are not short (and, no, we have not been able to get a handle on it).

He's definitely learned to roll with LD comments and handles it pretty well and with ease. The IBS? Ugh.

After stopping the team bus for the bathroom, he got back on the bus to the expected chorus of jeers. His response was "Yeah! I just dropped a weight class!"

He's a quiet kid but has learned to lean in.

Anonymous wrote:Bullies will look for a reaction...they want the target to get all upset.

A comeback will feel better while you are planning it, but will likely escalate things.

But an unconcerned shrug and walk away will stop the bullying much faster.

Disagree. I think the posters advising to go nuclear are on the right path.

An unconcerned shrug just says "I'm an easy target." Bullies aren't looking for a fight; they are looking for a victim. They want to feel big and strong in front of the other kids.

If you make them look weak and small, they'll move on to somebody else

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD experienced some teasing/bullying from a girl who got increasingly angry that DD didn't seem to care. Finally, the other girl said, "this bothers you, doesn't it?", to which DD said, "well, DUH!!!"

Somehow that stopped the verbal assaults. The other girl just wasn't having a satisfactory experience.

Yea it’s all about supply. You have to shut down the supply. All the back and forth immature insults is just bully fuel. Bullies invite this back and forth and thrive on it. Just imagine a school full of Donald trumps. Do you all not realize that man lives getting in the insult boxing ring? The insults are his fuel and his dopamine fix. The only thing that would kill Donald trump would be to ignore donald trump. This is how a bully operates.

No. What would kill Donald Trump would be if someone made fun of him, and all his "fans" laughed. If they laughed at him.

That's what OP's kid needs to do. Make a joke about the bully so funny and so specific, that all the kids what were laughing at OP's kid suddenly switch and laugh at the bully.

Your right that we need to take away the bully's fuel. But the insults arent the fuel. The laughter and praise from the peers are his fuel. It's how it makes him feel. So you have to take THAT away.

Anonymous wrote:DD experienced some teasing/bullying from a girl who got increasingly angry that DD didn't seem to care. Finally, the other girl said, "this bothers you, doesn't it?", to which DD said, "well, DUH!!!"

Somehow that stopped the verbal assaults. The other girl just wasn't having a satisfactory experience.

Yea it’s all about supply. You have to shut down the supply. All the back and forth immature insults is just bully fuel. Bullies invite this back and forth and thrive on it. Just imagine a school full of Donald trumps. Do you all not realize that man lives getting in the insult boxing ring? The insults are his fuel and his dopamine fix. The only thing that would kill Donald trump would be to ignore donald trump. This is how a bully operates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS12 is facing lots of meanness at school - he is a skinny, not very strong kid and they call him 'weak', 'slow' ,etc. Not bullying, just kids being kind of nasty. He is a bit overly sensitive about it too. I think he needs to practice comebacks that will better stand up for himself. He says he can never think of a comeback so I think we need to practice these at homes. Any thoughts on how to help him build these skills? Or what specific comebacks might be useful for this situation?

Studies show that come backs are the absolute worst ways to deal with bullying

The most effective way is ignoring it.
The second best way is being dismissive. As in, rolling your eyes at them or a sarcastic" uh? Why are you checking out my body?"
But engaging in it just makes it worse.
Please read up on this and stop giving your kid terrible advice.
I would also suggest weights training.

No this is not true. You are just repeating terrible advice that you believe is true but has proven not to be.
Adults who were bullied as kids have written and talked about how ignoring doesn’t work for kids.

And to the OP why not go with a classic and help your kid to confidently say “ F * ck Off!”

I am a middle school teacher and engaging with bullies makes it much worse. This is the response the bullies are looking for. The kids who engage have a relentless onslaught until the bully tired and needs a new supply. The best is to roll your eyes and ignore or say “wow, you sure are funny with an eye roll”. I had a girl that would always say “do you feel better now?” And you’d watch how uncomfortable that nasty kid would get.

Your advice might have worked in decades past, but it’s not what I see now as effective.

Anonymous wrote:Bullies will look for a reaction...they want the target to get all upset.

A comeback will feel better while you are planning it, but will likely escalate things.

But an unconcerned shrug and walk away will stop the bullying much faster.

I came here to say this.

My son is in a horrible circle jerk of kids bullying him and then he in return bullying kids. His biggest problem? He can’t shut his mouth! He always has to respond and has all kinds of coke backs. This just encourages more of it.

I totally agree with the “why are you so obsessed with me?” Or an eye roll. Make the kid feel stupid without being obvious.

Middle school is truly the pits.

My daughter is learning disabled. I have taught her to lean into teasing. It’s no fun to tease someone who doesn’t care. Sometimes it bothers her if it’s a good friend and I’m those cases she stands up for herself.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sad to say I believe kids need to go for the jugular.

Find their weak point and go after it. Everyone has one. You need to find something that's true that other kids are thinking and will laugh at.

It's rough out there.

Yup, and you may need to help your kid if they are a nice kid.

They may not know how to go for the jugular, and you'll need to help him. It sounds silly, but you'll need to have brainstorming/comedy pyramids on the bully's physical appearance.

Like, if the kid has an exposed birthmark: "Dude, how much Heinz57 did your fat-ass of a mom eat while she was pregnant with you to make your skin look like that?"

Or even worse, go for the non physical stuff. You gotta find stuff. Does this kid play a sport where their parent is a coach? SOOOO many daddy-ball comments you can make.

Parents are divorced? Gotta comment how the divorce is the kid's fault. "Dude, you are the most annoying person ever. I get why your parents can only stand to be with you every other week"

It's gonna be hard because your kid is probably a good kid. But you'll have to teach him that standing up for himself this way doesn't make him the same as the bully. Being a doormat is even worse.

I'm sad to say I believe kids need to go for the jugular.

Find their weak point and go after it. Everyone has one. You need to find something that's true that other kids are thinking and will laugh at.

It's rough out there.

Anonymous wrote:Look around and say “Anyone else hear that annoying, idiotic sound?” And walk away.

This is still bad. It makes your kid look like a p*ssy. It won't stop anything. If anything, a comment like that will make the bully say something like "oh, you can't hear me, I'll be louder"

And then make fun of your kid at the top of their lungs