Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look back at your texts and meet-ups. It’s likely you were always initiating and you weren’t great friends.

OP here. DH and I combed through texts and memories. We both initiated. I'd hosted a Galentines Day party for DD and her friends (including the friend's DD), and then she and her DH hosted DH and me for dinner and during that dinner we made plans to try a new place for brunch in early March, which we did.

Combed through? You sound like a stalker. She clearly doesn’t want to give you explanations, or keep the door open to continue the friendship. Move on!

Anonymous wrote:I would call. Not text. Pick up the phone and call.

This. This move was clearly unplanned, likely embarrassing and hard on your friend. Pick up the phone and check on her. Offer to me them stay with you if they come back for a visit, etc.

I would call. Not text. Pick up the phone and call.

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn’t have messaged about the address, OP. That does seem passive aggressive. It would have been better if you were up front and just said “wow, that’s a big step! We will miss you all. What prompted the move?”

Like why say you want to send a housewarming gift when she didn’t even tell you she moved? She probably has a reason she didn’t share. I doubt it was to ghost you. Job loss, sick parent etc. But you made it hard for her to share now.

+1000 I don't get all the responses that this person is a bad friend or her actions reflect her feelings about the friendship. This friend made a drastic change ostensibly upending her life meanwhile OP's centering herself in the situation as though she's owed the information. Why not assume positive intent?

Anonymous wrote:I personally would not drop it, and I don't know what to make of her response because it's vague. Does she mean "yeah, lol, I have just had the most insane week of my life that resulted in me moving to Wisconsin"? Or does else mean "yeah, lol, life is weird oops I didn't mention this to you my bad"? Like I would follow up and try to find out which it is because I feel like it's one of two things:

(1) My friend is having some kid of crisis/emergency and I'd like to support her in whatever way I can, or

(2) My friend is a selfish a$$hole and I'd like to know so I can start working on forgetting her.

I would not leave it at "yeah, lol..."

Honestly, I interpreted the friend's response of "yeah lol" as what's bolded. Sorry, OP, I think this person is a shitty friend.

That reply would earn a single thumbs up from me. Full stop.

Anonymous wrote:Look back at your texts and meet-ups. It’s likely you were always initiating and you weren’t great friends.

OP here. DH and I combed through texts and memories. We both initiated. I'd hosted a Galentines Day party for DD and her friends (including the friend's DD), and then she and her DH hosted DH and me for dinner and during that dinner we made plans to try a new place for brunch in early March, which we did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people just drop "friends" whenever they move. It's a weird kind of compartmentalization. OP, I would consider the friendship over and move on. She couldn't have been more clear she doesn't intend to work on maintaining the friendship, which sounds like it was pretty superficial anyway.

Is she in the military, or have they moved often for work/other reasons? Because people in the military know how to make friends easily and also know how to leave without feeling pain. They have to.

Oh please. This is such bs. Military moves or not, the women got together a week prior and actually discussed summer plans.
And "know how to leave without feeling pain"? - more like know how to leave rudely and in the most self-centered style possible!

The family had their reasons and motives to move and they do not owe OP or anyone else an explanation. It would have been nice to give OP and their other friends heads up, but given even all the “need to understand why” in this thread, I can see why she did it without a heads up, if she didn’t want to explain the whys.

Op, this is not a reflection of your closeness, or how much this person valued your friendship. It’s her state mind, her issues, and circumstances. You reached out, now no need to delve further into this. People move and as much as we’d like to think that we’re close to someone, they ultimately make decisions that work for their family, and do not owe explanations to anyone, even friends.

When people show you who they are, believe them. She doesn’t value the friendship. She had no interest in telling you she was leaving and when contacted she still didn’t say why. So move on. Is it rude, yes. Does she suck? Probably. And I’m sorry. I’m actually mad for you.

I know one person who has done something this drastic and her story was she found out her husband had been cheating on her (several affairs) so she literally packed up her car, pick up the kids from school and drove to their second home all the way in CALIFORNIA. She didn’t even confront him, just left the house and everything. But she did tell her friends about a week later. She said what had happened, she had left, was never coming back. It was nuts. They’re divorced, she remarried.

So even if she has a death or sick relative or job relo she can give an explanation. But she doesn’t want to. So I would stop making excuses for her and just walk away. I’m sorry.

OP, I’m a PP who experienced a milder version of this and was/am still hurt. It’s hard to feel like the other person didn’t value the friendship when you did.

Do you have mutual friends you can reach out to, for a gut check? It’s been helpful to me to have mutual friends agree that what the other person did is crummy.

I wouldn’t push it at this point. Maybe follow up in a few months but investing more emotional energy right now may not be useful and could prolong your discomfort. I’m really sorry she did this.

You shouldn’t have messaged about the address, OP. That does seem passive aggressive. It would have been better if you were up front and just said “wow, that’s a big step! We will miss you all. What prompted the move?”

Like why say you want to send a housewarming gift when she didn’t even tell you she moved? She probably has a reason she didn’t share. I doubt it was to ghost you. Job loss, sick parent etc. But you made it hard for her to share now.

Op, I think you handled it beautifully. My feelings would be hurt but as the other PPs point out, it sounds like something must be going on. Maybe you could just follow up her "yeah lol" with: "Wow, that's a big move! I'm sure you're overwhelmed and busy, but I am here if you ever need anything. I'll miss our get togethers. Hope everything went seamlessly and you're getting settled in and adjusted." I wouldn't include any questions/ nothing she needs to respond to. It just lets her know you're there. And then drop it until something organic comes up that you'd ordinarily text about: happy birthday, inside jokes, etc.

OP I would just go back with "please let me know if you need anything. I know moving can be really stressful and hard". After that, no more. I'm not saying ice her out, but let her reach out to you next - the ball is in her court.

"Yeah lol" means that she's embarrassed. I'd give her space but then, for sake of previous five years, reach out at a later date and give her an option to talk. Realize that she may not take you up on that, and in that case the friendship will be definitively over. If you don't have it in you to deal with that potential rejection, then just declare the friendship over now.

Realize too, that this person has something going on in her head or her life that has made her behave this way, and it's probably not a one-time occurrence.