Anonymous
03/28/2023 16:58
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle aged man and I've dated a few women like this. I don't exactly know why, but women like this are sometimes drawn to me.
I guess I'm respectful and easy to talk to. Every woman like this is unique, but I've noticed some common qualities in most of them.
First, they are very anxious and hate to have disorder in their lives. They are not only good at work but they are good in a very particular way. They get lots of things done and their bosses love to pile on more work. Their personal lives are orderly too.
Second, and this is related, they dread messy breakups. They especially fear being dumped themselves.
Third, they tend to keep their sexual feelings under wraps. If they are comfortable they can be very passionate in bed but they don't spend much time thinking about or wanting sex. They don't feel the need to touch themselves much, if ever. And when they actually feel physically passionate they may be embarrassed about it or feel very vulnerable about it.
Fourth, they are usually viscerally repulsed by idiotic male traits (being pompous, etc.).
I know this describes quite a few women but I've seen these qualities a lot in beautiful women who have had very few romantic experiences.
Why are these a problem that men and women can't overcome? Why would you want a lot of disorder, messy breakups, passion without emotional connection, or regular idiotic male or female traits?
I agree. That's why I have dated them. And they agree. That's why the dated me. But there can be some dysfunction. I think helping them through it is worth it.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 15:38
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
I was in a couple LTRs in my 20s, but as I got older, there were fewer and fewer available men that were appealing and compatible. I had a couple emotional affairs in my 30s with men at work before I even knew the term but felt pretty guilty about them.
Finally, I got tired of looking and became a single mother by choice in my mid-30s. That left little time or really interest in dating over the last 15 years. Now that I'm in my early 50s, I'm attempting online dating, but it's mainly been creeps/scammers and I haven't got much legitimate interest. It's kind of depressing and I may be too picky at this point, but like 15:16 says, it's daunting to be putting myself out there after so much of my life being single.
Finally, I got tired of looking and became a single mother by choice in my mid-30s. That left little time or really interest in dating over the last 15 years. Now that I'm in my early 50s, I'm attempting online dating, but it's mainly been creeps/scammers and I haven't got much legitimate interest. It's kind of depressing and I may be too picky at this point, but like 15:16 says, it's daunting to be putting myself out there after so much of my life being single.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 15:16
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
When you’ve been single so long, the thought of being in a relationship and eventually moving in with the other person, sharing a space, having more commitment, etc. is extremely daunting at best, outright unappealing at worst. People just get used to the way things are. If you are single and have 100% control over your personal time and space, and it’s been that way for decades, a guy would have to be pretty perfect for you to give up that freedom.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 15:14
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my sister in law. She just doesn’t put herself out there. It makes me wonder what the future looks like for her.
This is my sister. She’s in her 40s. Spends her weekends with our parents or her paired up high school friends. I think she’s given up and pretty much went back to being out parents’ little girl and is comfortable with that. It’s her life and choice but in the long run I don’t know what she’s going to do. I think she’s just very used to friends and family constantly accommodating her.
I’m
You sound horrible.
It was horrible to watch our parents encourage this for years. Sometimes this situation comes about because of the woman’s family. The parents like bring frozen in time. It’s toxic. I can’t imagine as a parent promoting this situation. They even discouraged her from moving to a new city.
You said she’s 40 in the other forum.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 15:13
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
May be they are happy as it is and not interested in complicating their lives.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 15:01
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my sister in law. She just doesn’t put herself out there. It makes me wonder what the future looks like for her.
This is my sister. She’s in her 40s. Spends her weekends with our parents or her paired up high school friends. I think she’s given up and pretty much went back to being out parents’ little girl and is comfortable with that. It’s her life and choice but in the long run I don’t know what she’s going to do. I think she’s just very used to friends and family constantly accommodating her.
You sound horrible.
It was horrible to watch our parents encourage this for years. Sometimes this situation comes about because of the woman’s family. The parents like bring frozen in time. It’s toxic. I can’t imagine as a parent promoting this situation. They even discouraged her from moving to a new city.
Doesn’t seem like there’s a “situation” occurring. It sounds like the thought of single, childless women makes you uncomfortable.
The thought of someone I care about heading down the Grey Gardens path makes me uncomfortable.
The fact that you think a single women living with (and probably caring for) her parents is creepy/reclusive/will lead to poverty is bizarre. Unless your sister and parents have no friends and no money, this is a strange way to take this. Not everyone's life has to be about a spouse, you know.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 13:32
Subject: Re:Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
I would assume they probably either a) are lesbians or b) had their heart broken / were rejected by a young man at a formative age, and decided it was easier to just not go down that road again. But more likely the former
Anonymous
03/28/2023 13:29
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my sister in law. She just doesn’t put herself out there. It makes me wonder what the future looks like for her.
This is my sister. She’s in her 40s. Spends her weekends with our parents or her paired up high school friends. I think she’s given up and pretty much went back to being out parents’ little girl and is comfortable with that. It’s her life and choice but in the long run I don’t know what she’s going to do. I think she’s just very used to friends and family constantly accommodating her.
You sound horrible.
It was horrible to watch our parents encourage this for years. Sometimes this situation comes about because of the woman’s family. The parents like bring frozen in time. It’s toxic. I can’t imagine as a parent promoting this situation. They even discouraged her from moving to a new city.
Doesn’t seem like there’s a “situation” occurring. It sounds like the thought of single, childless women makes you uncomfortable.
The thought of someone I care about heading down the Grey Gardens path makes me uncomfortable.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 13:20
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my sister in law. She just doesn’t put herself out there. It makes me wonder what the future looks like for her.
This is my sister. She’s in her 40s. Spends her weekends with our parents or her paired up high school friends. I think she’s given up and pretty much went back to being out parents’ little girl and is comfortable with that. It’s her life and choice but in the long run I don’t know what she’s going to do. I think she’s just very used to friends and family constantly accommodating her.
You sound horrible.
It was horrible to watch our parents encourage this for years. Sometimes this situation comes about because of the woman’s family. The parents like bring frozen in time. It’s toxic. I can’t imagine as a parent promoting this situation. They even discouraged her from moving to a new city.
Doesn’t seem like there’s a “situation” occurring. It sounds like the thought of single, childless women makes you uncomfortable.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 13:18
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my sister in law. She just doesn’t put herself out there. It makes me wonder what the future looks like for her.
This is my sister. She’s in her 40s. Spends her weekends with our parents or her paired up high school friends. I think she’s given up and pretty much went back to being out parents’ little girl and is comfortable with that. It’s her life and choice but in the long run I don’t know what she’s going to do. I think she’s just very used to friends and family constantly accommodating her.
You sound horrible.
It was horrible to watch our parents encourage this for years. Sometimes this situation comes about because of the woman’s family. The parents like bring frozen in time. It’s toxic. I can’t imagine as a parent promoting this situation. They even discouraged her from moving to a new city.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 12:53
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle aged man and I've dated a few women like this. I don't exactly know why, but women like this are sometimes drawn to me.
I guess I'm respectful and easy to talk to. Every woman like this is unique, but I've noticed some common qualities in most of them.
First, they are very anxious and hate to have disorder in their lives. They are not only good at work but they are good in a very particular way. They get lots of things done and their bosses love to pile on more work. Their personal lives are orderly too.
Second, and this is related, they dread messy breakups. They especially fear being dumped themselves.
Third, they tend to keep their sexual feelings under wraps. If they are comfortable they can be very passionate in bed but they don't spend much time thinking about or wanting sex. They don't feel the need to touch themselves much, if ever. And when they actually feel physically passionate they may be embarrassed about it or feel very vulnerable about it.
Fourth, they are usually viscerally repulsed by idiotic male traits (being pompous, etc.).
I know this describes quite a few women but I've seen these qualities a lot in beautiful women who have had very few romantic experiences.
Hahaha, as one of these women I think you've got it right. I'm queer and usually align myself on the asexual spectrum because I just don't think about sex very much. I don't mind it but it's not necessary for my daily life so lack of sex doesn't motivate me to push through the messiness to find a relationship. And as others have said, once you get used to living alone/being single especially if you're happy that way, it's really hard to be excited about the compromise required for a committed relationship. I'm not lonely -- I'm an introvert and have a lot of good friends, single and partnered, and am close with my family -- and I don't think my long term happiness relies on finding a partner so I'm also not on dating apps which makes the likelihood of ending up in a relationship pretty unlikely. I feel like relationships, like having kids, is something you should REALLY want and thus be willing to dedicate a lot of your time and emotional energy to if you're going to go for it. And I don't really want it; I'm just meh about it.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 12:50
Subject: Re:Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
A lot of high-powered women have trouble truly relaxing in bed.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 12:47
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my sister in law. She just doesn’t put herself out there. It makes me wonder what the future looks like for her.
This is my sister. She’s in her 40s. Spends her weekends with our parents or her paired up high school friends. I think she’s given up and pretty much went back to being out parents’ little girl and is comfortable with that. It’s her life and choice but in the long run I don’t know what she’s going to do. I think she’s just very used to friends and family constantly accommodating her.
You sound horrible.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 12:46
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"Very pretty" women are almost never single. They must not be pretty.
Untrue. There are many very pretty single women.
They must still be in their 20s.
A "very pretty" woman would be fending off suitors. There are always exceptions, but in 95% of the cases, a really pretty woman would be scooped up real quick.
In the dmv? Where you need a car to get anywhere? Where might these suitors be for a work from home person? At the chicfila? The costco where men keep their gaze to the ceiling and many are with kids? And no dog parks for me after a pit attacked my pup.
What!! The DMV is full of bars, lounges, cultural events, social activities, church groups, volunteer orgs for single women to attend. In fact a lot of events are sausage fests where you have more than your fair pick of professional men. Now that I live in flyover country I realize it really was a land of milk and honey for dating compared to here!
They are mostly gay, or straight and dating 5 other women.
Anonymous
03/28/2023 12:45
Subject: Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship
DC men are terrible, by and large. So, they probably don't want to settle and are happier alone.