My husband is the same way.

He generally doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do. Playing, swimming, schoolwork, bike rides, reading bedtime stories, kid-focused outings… Those are all my jobs.

His idea of hanging out with the kids is going to the grocery store, cooking, or sometimes yard work.

It’s annoying that he seems unable to suck it up and do things just for the happiness of others once in a while. We’ve talked about this extensively. I don’t love doing all those things but I think they’re important and they make the kids happy. I have a sitter who comes over 3 days a week to give me a break which makes me feel less resentful. It is what it is.

It’s too bad OP used the word “play,” because everyone is getting hung up on that. Her husband wants to contain their child so he doesn’t have to do anything with her. He doesn’t want to engage with her. He doesn’t want to have to watch her every move. He wants to watch her like you watch fish in a fish tank. This is a two year old with no siblings. You’re only going to get so much independent play out of her.

My dad didn’t play a lot of pretend with me, but he pretended to order food from my play kitchen and eat it. He was happy to include me in whatever he did. If he washed the car, I “helped.” If he was raking leaves, I was playing in them. If he went to the hardware store, I did too. If he grilled hamburgers, I was his assistant. He had a buddy seat on the back of his bike and we’d ride around. He also played a lot of silly physical games with me. He’d stand on his head and then he’d hold up my legs so I could do it too. He’d lay down on his back on the floor and help me balance while sitting on the soles of his feet and he’d lift me up. He was from the Silent Generation and this was in the mid-seventies, so it’s not new.

Anonymous wrote:I’m happy to teach my children things as play which it is for them, but I’ve never played pretend.

Then you missed out. I used to turn the tables on my kids. We pretended they were the adults and I was the child and I misbehaved and they had to correct me. I gave ‘em hell.

Anonymous wrote:My husband refuses to go outside with kid. I’ve accepted it. You should too.

Does he beat you too?

Anonymous wrote:My husband refuses to go outside with kid. I’ve accepted it. You should too.

Keep your low standards to yourself.

Anonymous wrote:My husband refuses to go outside with kid. I’ve accepted it. You should too.

Lolz well he’s a sad sack of shit

Anonymous wrote:He will not engage 2 year old when it comes to occupying her with activities. He all of a sudden has something to do. He would rather cook, walk the dog or invoice a client than play with our little one. He is fine watching her locked inside a high chair or other contraption. But playing is not his thing, as if he is too grown to play. Im the only one who plays outside with her. I hit balls, push her on toys, blow bubbles, write with chalk etc… My eye rolls are getting longer each day he doesn’t play. I’ve mentioned this to him before but things aren’t changing. I’m the one that teaches her everything initially but he will reinforce things with her once she has shown she knows something and somehow he is praised for it. Not sure what I’m asking. Just venting.

Has anyone had a spouse not play but eventually give in. Im a SAHM too.

Meh. He'll teach her soccer or softball something later. Don't fall into the trap of telling him how he is supposed to interact with his child -- you will create a bad dynamic whereby you think you are in charge and he should snap to. That's a fast track to resentment and divorce. Ask me how I know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents didn’t play with me

+1
And I don't play with my kids. It's not a parent's job to do that; I'm not a toddler. My job is to provide a linguistically rich nurturing safe environment. I do that. I listen to them, respond, engage them in things I find interesting, etc. They can play tucks or dolls all by themselves. I like nature so I will point out birds or bugs. They can play in the sandbox with toys while I have coffee. Not a chance I'm getting in there with them. If they want a playmate in there, I'll make a playdate and watch them while I have my coffee.... maybe occasionally point out the preying mantis or woodpecker.

It's ridiculous that some parents think this is what a good parent does. That's so far from reality. I'm a well adjusted successful adult whose parents didn't play with them.

It annoys me to no end when people say “my parents did XYZ and I turned out FINE.” No logic there

Anonymous wrote:My husband refuses to go outside with kid. I’ve accepted it. You should too.

Agreed, we should let our husbands do or not do whatever they would like, no matter how ridiculous it is. That’s the secret to marriage

My husband refuses to go outside with kid. I’ve accepted it. You should too.

Men are notorious for doing only what they feel like doing. Whether your kids needs to learn how to ride a bike, swim or tie shoes, he probably will not do it either because he won't feel like going outside, getting wet, going to the playground or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what? Most men don't play with little kids.

My DH is the breadwinner by far and has always been better at playing with the kids than me. And often has surprisingly insightful reads on their personality and likes/dislikes, despite spend less time with them than me.

I wouldn't be bragging about this

Anonymous wrote:So what? Most men don't play with little kids.

My DH is the breadwinner by far and has always been better at playing with the kids than me. And often has surprisingly insightful reads on their personality and likes/dislikes, despite spend less time with them than me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents didn’t play with me

+1
And I don't play with my kids. It's not a parent's job to do that; I'm not a toddler. My job is to provide a linguistically rich nurturing safe environment. I do that. I listen to them, respond, engage them in things I find interesting, etc. They can play tucks or dolls all by themselves. I like nature so I will point out birds or bugs. They can play in the sandbox with toys while I have coffee. Not a chance I'm getting in there with them. If they want a playmate in there, I'll make a playdate and watch them while I have my coffee.... maybe occasionally point out the preying mantis or woodpecker.

It's ridiculous that some parents think this is what a good parent does. That's so far from reality. I'm a well adjusted successful adult whose parents didn't play with them.

This 100%

Come on folks, think critically. Do you really think OP’s husband is doing all that? And yet she is still complaining? I doubt it. As long as a parent can engage their kid, without screens and in an active and developmentally appropriate way, I doubt the other parent cares if they are getting in the sandbox themselves vs. watching them play in the sandbox with the other kids.

So what? Most men don't play with little kids.