Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for a friend that after 7 years of infertility, over 10 rounds of IVF with and without donor eggs and a surrogate they finally have a baby but I'm pretty sure it's amounted to 200K or more for a baby that isn't biologically hers. Would you do the same?

I feel like at somepoint I would pursue adoption because it's essentially the same. (Fwiw I'm currently undergoing IVF and am already hesitant to spend the cost on it.)

My friend did this too (used a donor egg for IVF after 10 years of trying). I would absolutely do it. They are really great parents and parenting has brought them a lot of joy. Child is still pretty young - hopefully the teenage years are as good to them as early childhood has been.

If you had asked her at the beginning of her infertility journey if she would be willing to pay $200K for a baby that isn't biologically related, she probably would have said no. BUT, infertility is a step-by-step process, and each decision becomes a sunk cost. Then, you find yourself agreeing to things that you never thought you would because you feel, "Just one more step, and I can have a baby. And if I don't do it, then I will have wasted $10K/$50K/$100K, with nothing to show for it other than heartbreak and empty arms."

Healthy infant adoption is almost impossible nowadays. It's not really an option for most people.

Anonymous wrote:No- I have teenagers and question why we even had kids. Had I known it was going to be this hard, I would have remained childless.

100%

Kids are over rated

No. We made the decision to stay childless after infertility. The other options were just too expensive with no guarantee of a child.

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for a friend that after 7 years of infertility, over 10 rounds of IVF with and without donor eggs and a surrogate they finally have a baby but I'm pretty sure it's amounted to 200K or more for a baby that isn't biologically hers. Would you do the same?

I feel like at somepoint I would pursue adoption because it's essentially the same. (Fwiw I'm currently undergoing IVF and am already hesitant to spend the cost on it.)

Are you saying she paid a surrogate $200,000? If this is correct then both your friend and the surrogate are guilty of baby selling and both should be in jail.

As for your question about a non-biological child says air about you and it is not good. Frequently, women who have infertility adopt and then, miraculously, find themselves pregnant. In your case, one cannot help but wonder how you would treat an adopted child once you have a biological child.

No- I have teenagers and question why we even had kids. Had I known it was going to be this hard, I would have remained childless.

Heavens to betsy! I wouldn't pay 200k for a baby that WAS biologically mine! No sirree bob

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for a friend that after 7 years of infertility, over 10 rounds of IVF with and without donor eggs and a surrogate they finally have a baby but I'm pretty sure it's amounted to 200K or more for a baby that isn't biologically hers. Would you do the same?

I feel like at somepoint I would pursue adoption because it's essentially the same. (Fwiw I'm currently undergoing IVF and am already hesitant to spend the cost on it.)

Adoption isn’t the same at all. Potential for kid to have trauma from separation, drug/alcohol exposure during pregnancy, and issues with birth family.

Every newborn taken from her mother is traumatized, even if the separation results in a better situation. It’s baffling that this isn’t common sense.

No, it's not trauma for every newborn. Stop projecting your issues.

NP. Adoptees have high suicide rates. There’s a reason why so many fewer countries allow international adoption now versus 20 years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for a friend that after 7 years of infertility, over 10 rounds of IVF with and without donor eggs and a surrogate they finally have a baby but I'm pretty sure it's amounted to 200K or more for a baby that isn't biologically hers. Would you do the same?

I feel like at somepoint I would pursue adoption because it's essentially the same. (Fwiw I'm currently undergoing IVF and am already hesitant to spend the cost on it.)

Adoption isn’t the same at all. Potential for kid to have trauma from separation, drug/alcohol exposure during pregnancy, and issues with birth family.

Every newborn taken from her mother is traumatized, even if the separation results in a better situation. It’s baffling that this isn’t common sense.

No, it's not trauma for every newborn. Stop projecting your issues.

Anonymous wrote:OP why is this your business?

I'm asking a hypothetical question based on a real life scenario. I'm not in anyone's business.

Some babies need families and some families need babies. That is not human trafficking IF the birth family is not deceived and the adoptive family is thoroughly vetted by an independent third party.

Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for a friend that after 7 years of infertility, over 10 rounds of IVF with and without donor eggs and a surrogate they finally have a baby but I'm pretty sure it's amounted to 200K or more for a baby that isn't biologically hers. Would you do the same?

I feel like at somepoint I would pursue adoption because it's essentially the same. (Fwiw I'm currently undergoing IVF and am already hesitant to spend the cost on it.)

Would I do the same? Possibly. Adoption is no panacea and has its own challenges.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would be cheaper to just start trying for a kid much earlier in the (23-28 age range) before you’re infertile.

I have multiple family members who had trouble conceiving or carrying a pregnancy in their 20’s.

Wow! That’s incredible. Why do you think? Bad genes? Toxicity?

None of your business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would be cheaper to just start trying for a kid much earlier in the (23-28 age range) before you’re infertile.

I have multiple family members who had trouble conceiving or carrying a pregnancy in their 20’s.

Wow! That’s incredible. Why do you think? Bad genes? Toxicity?

OP why is this your business?